Longing
by MrsWyle
Summary: Abby drove Carter away. Now she wonders. . .did she make a HUGE mistake? Is it too late to get him back? Carby fuzz will be included.
1. Lost

Author's Note: This fic is not based on anything that has actually happened.  
  
I closed my eyes and tried to pretend that it hadn't happened. I tried to imagine myself in Aruba, or Jamaica, or anywhere else far away from Chicago. When I opened my eyes again it took me a minute to become adjusted to the harsh florescent lights of the hospital. The room was spinning and I had to steady myself by grabbing onto a gurney.  
  
"Are you OK?" I heard a distant voice ask. I tried to focus on the owner of the voice but everything was a blur.  
  
"I just have to sit down," I heard myself say. Somehow, I made my way to lounge and sat down on the couch. It was awhile before I realized that there was already someone in the room.  
  
"You OK?" he asked. "You look kinda pale."  
  
I looked up. "Yeah, fine," I lied.  
  
I could tell he didn't believe me. "Abby, what's wrong?" Luka asked, sitting down next to me.  
  
I could feel tears rolling down my cheeks. "Carter. . ." I sobbed. "Carter. . ."  
  
****************************  
  
I sat bolt upright in bed. My nightmares had been getting progressively worse but that was the worse one yet. That was the only one where Carter actually died. In all the others he was just horribly maimed. But not dead.  
  
I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged myself. I tried to slow my breathing down. "Its just stress," I whispered to myself. "Its just stress."  
  
I felt the man next to me stir. "You OK?" he asked . . .echoes from my dream.  
  
I smiled weakly. "Yes. Just a bad dream."  
  
He sat up. "Another one? That's the third one this week, Abby," he said.  
  
"I know. I've just been working too many hours at the hospital. I have the weekend off. They should stop soon."  
  
But I knew they wouldn't. I knew that the dreams were not stress related. They were a result of living without the man I loved.  
  
I kissed Jake on the shoulder. "I'm just gonna go watch TV," I said.  
  
I sat in the living room, the TV on mute. I stared at the phone. I knew I could call him anytime, night or day, and he'd drop everything and run to me if I asked him to.  
  
But I couldn't ask him to. Because it had been too long. And Jake would get jealous. I glanced towards the bedroom. Jake was. . .well, he wasn't bad. He was pretty good looking; sandy blond hair, brown eyes, and a swimmer's body. But he wasn't Carter.  
  
No one was.  
  
I had learned long ago that "good enough" was better than "nothing at all." And that's what Jake was. "Good enough."  
  
I stood up and walked aimlessly into the kitchen. My eyes fell on the calendar and I realized it had been exactly two years since I had driven Carter away. I felt my eyes well up with tears but I bit them back. I could stop them from coming but not the memory of what I had done.  
  
*********************  
  
"Hey!"  
  
I smiled. "Hey Carter."  
  
He hugged me. "I missed you," he whispered into my hair.  
  
"I missed you too," I said, wrapping my arms tightly around him.  
  
"I'm never working a double again," he grumbled as he collapsed on the bed.  
  
I laughed. "That's what you think." I lay down next to him. "You know perfectly well that the ER is a vortex and, sooner or later, you'll be sucked right back in."  
  
He cracked a smile. "Hopefully later," he said, closing his eyes. "Right now I need sleep."  
  
I curled up next to him. I fit so perfectly into his arms. It was like I was lost without him and he was incomplete without me. I never thought someone could need me. But he did. He needed me as much as I needed him.  
  
"Promise me something," I whispered.  
  
"Mmmm?"  
  
"Promise you won't ever leave me."  
  
He smiled, his eyes still closed. "I promise."  
  
He kept his promise. I was the one who brought everything crashing down. 


	2. Suspicious Minds

"You up for dinner tonight?"  
  
I looked up to see my boyfriend grinning at me. I couldn't help but grin back. "As long as you're paying," I smiled.  
  
"Of course. What time are you off?" He placed a chart on the desk.  
  
"7:00," I said. "You?"  
  
"Now. Is it OK if you meet me at the restaurant or would rather I pick you up?"  
  
I rolled my eyes. "Just as long as we end up at the same place, Carter, I couldn't care less."  
  
"All right. 8:00 at The Golden Sun." He flashed me one last smile and left.  
  
******************************  
  
I saw him as soon as I stepped into the restaurant. His back was to me and he was talking to a woman with blonde hair and a very sexy smile.  
  
I stood, completely still, watching them. She laughed and touched his arm. I scowled. What the hell did she think she was doing?  
  
I watched him lean in towards her and whisper something in her ear. She laughed again and moved closer to him.  
  
My knees went weak and I became nauseous. All I could see was that flirtatious smile plastered on her face.  
  
Carter turned around and waved at me. "Hey Abby."  
  
I walked over to meet them and forced myself to smile. "Hey." I placed a kiss on Carter's cheek and slide my hand into his.  
  
"Abby, this is Jessica. Jessica, this is my girlfriend, Abby. Jessica's an old friend of mine from boarding school. We just ran into each other."  
  
I studied Jessica more closely. She had on a very short, very tight, red dress with a very low neckline.  
  
"Nice to meet you, Jessica," I said as coldly as I could. Carter gave me a curious look.  
  
"Nice to meet you too. You know, it's funny," she said. "I've been talking to John for about five minutes and he never once mentioned having a girlfriend." She smiled and I saw a triumphant gleam in her eyes.  
  
"Well, I've know John for about three years and this is the first I'm hearing of you, so. . ."  
  
Her smiled flickered for a moment. "Well, I better be going. Enjoy your diner. Bye John." She waggled her fingers in a little wave.  
  
I slide into the booth. "She seemed. . ." I searched for an adequate, yet inoffensive word. "Flirty."  
  
Carter sat down across from me. "Yeah, she's always been that way. She was the class slut. I think almost every guy in our grade slept with her."  
  
"Including you?"  
  
He smiled sheepishly. "I was young and she flattered me a lot."  
  
I nodded my head but kept my eyes on the table.  
  
He reached for my hand. "Are you jealous?" he asked with a note of amusement in his voice.  
  
I looked up, my eyebrows low over my eyes. "No," I lied. I knew he didn't believe me. "Unsettled," I said. "I just walked in and she was touching you, and then whispered in her ear. . ."  
  
Carter stood up and sat next to me. He put his arm around my shoulder. "Abby," he said. "No one could ever come close to replacing you." I looked away. "Besides, if I were going to have an affair, I'd be a little more discrete."  
  
I scooted away from him. "You think it's funny. But it's not, John. It's really not. I just. . .I just have to go home."  
  
I stood up and, without a backwards glance, walked out of the restaurant, leaving Carter alone and confused.  
  
Review please! I hope you guys like this story. It won't be too horribly angsty. OK, that's a lie. It will be angsty but I promise that it will end well. That's all I can say. REVIEW!!!!!! 


	3. Heart Breaker

I heard someone knocking at my door. I ignored it.  
  
"Abby," Carter said through the door. "I know you're in there. Please talk to me. Please."  
  
I sat on my sofa and continued to ignore Carter.  
  
"Come on, Abby. What's going on? You have to at least tell me what's going on. I have a right to know."  
  
He was right. He did have a right to know. But the thing was, I didn't know what to tell him.  
  
"Go away, Carter," I yelled.  
  
"No. I'm not leaving here until you talk to me. I'll sleep outside your door if that's what it takes."  
  
I got up and opened the door. "There's nothing to talk about."  
  
"Yes there is." I could see tears in his eyes. "Abby, why are you doing this? I thought we were happy. I thought you. . .I thought you loved me."  
  
I shook my head. "You thought wrong." When had I become so good at lying?  
  
"Abby, please," he was practically begging me now. "Abby, I'll do anything, please."  
  
I wanted to throw my arms around him and kiss him. But I knew that he would eventually hurt me so I'd be better off ending things before he had that chance.  
  
"Good-night Carter," I said and slammed the door in his face.  
  
******************************  
  
I opened the door to the lounge and threw myself onto the sofa. I had just survived the worst shift of my life. . .but only barely survived.  
  
I heard the door open. "Abby?"  
  
"I'm off," I said, my face buried in a cushion.  
  
"I know. I was hoping we could talk."  
  
I looked up to see Carter wearing the same hurt expression he'd had on the night before.  
  
"I already told you, there's nothing to talk about. We've had our fun. That's it."  
  
"That's it?" he asked in disbelief. "That can't be it." He licked his lips, probably gathering courage for what he said next. "Abby, I love you."  
  
My heart leapt. He loves me? If he loves me then maybe he wouldn't ever hurt me. Maybe. . .no. I have to either do this or not do this. I can't think about 'maybe.'  
  
"Well," I said, looking him straight in the eye. "Sucks for you."  
  
I tried to leave but he grabbed my arm. His eyes had filled with tears. "Please talk to me. Please tell me what's going on."  
  
It was my turn to have my eyes fill with tears. "John, don't do this. Don't make it harder than it already is." I pulled my arm out of his grasp. "It's over. It's just . . .it's just over."  
  
I practically ran out into the ambulance bay, tears streaming down my face. But I wasn't going to let yet another man break my heart. This time I was going to break my own heart. Sort of like, cutting out the middle man. Either way, I'd end up miserable. At least this way I was getting it over with.  
  
REVIEW!!!!!!!!! Come on guys! I've only had 4 reviews so far. That's just pathetic. I know you all can do better than that! 


	4. Forever Gone

OK, clarification time. In chapter one, after:  
  
"I stood up and walked aimlessly into the kitchen. My eyes fell on the calendar and I realized it had been exactly two years since I had driven Carter away. I felt my eyes well up with tears but I bit them back. I could stop them from coming but not the memory of what I had done," a flashback sequence starts.  
  
So, the first bit of chapter one is the present and then the rest is Abby remembering what happened with her and Carter. Sorry I didn't make that clear. Anyway, this chapter continues with the flashback for the first section and then goes into the present. I'll make some sort of indication when that time comes. Enjoy and review. I hope you understand a bit better now.  
  
""What's going on?" The lounge was full of balloons and a bowl of punch sat on the table, surrounded by a load of presents.  
  
"It's Carter's going away party," Susan said.  
  
I looked across the lounge to where Carter was standing in a small group of friends. Our eyes met briefly but I looked back at Susan. "Where's he going?"  
  
Susan shrugged. "Dunno. I don't think he knows either. All I know is that he wants to get as far away from you as possible." She headed over to Carter as I was left, staring after her in disbelief. I thought that Susan would understand. Or at least support me.  
  
********************  
  
I was standing behind the admit desk when Carter approached me cautiously. "Just wanted to say good-bye," he said.  
  
"Good-bye." I didn't even look up. I was furious. How dare he run away? Who did he think he was. . .me?  
  
"Well, um, have a nice life, Abby." He placed his hand on mine. "I'm sorry for whatever I did." Then he was gone. Just like that, he was out of my life. Forever. Well, almost.  
  
************************** (PRESENT!!!)  
  
"The new attending starts today," Jake said as we got off the El.  
  
I nodded. "It's about time," I mumbled. "We've been short one doctor for the past year and a half."  
  
Susan looked up as Jake and I walked through the door. She smiled. "The new attending is here," she said. She looked extremely pleased.  
  
"You're grinning like an idiot," Jake said, jokingly.  
  
Susan giggled. "I know." She disappeared into the lounge.  
  
"What's with her?" Jake asked.  
  
I shrugged. "I have no idea."  
  
"Abby, we need you in curtain one," Chuny called. "See you later," I said and kissed Jake quickly on the lips.  
  
**********************  
  
"Is the new attending here?"  
  
Chuny nodded. We were approaching the admit desk. I could see Jake talking to someone.  
  
"I haven't met him yet. I've been on for," I checked my watch, "7 hours and I haven't run into him. That's odd."  
  
"That's him," Chuny said, pointing at the guy Jake was talking to. Then she dashed off to triage.  
  
The new attending was sort of tall with brown hair. Jake smiled and waved at me. "This is my girlfriend," he said. "She's a doctor here too."  
  
The new attending turned around.  
  
My breath caught in my throat. "C-Carter," I stuttered. "W-w-what are you doing here?"  
  
"I'm the new attending," he said, matter-of-factly.  
  
My mouth was hanging open. "Do you know him?" Jake asked.  
  
"He worked here two years ago," I said, my eyes fixed on Carter's.  
  
"We were. . ." Carter paused.  
  
"Best friends," I finished. The last thing I needed was for Jake to know about my history with Carter.  
  
"So what happened?" Jake asked. "You just lose touch?"  
  
I glared at Carter with all the hate I could muster. "We fell out," I said. Carter just kept looking at me.  
  
"OK, well. . .I gotta get back to work," Jake said. I knew he sensed the tension between Carter and me. God, you could have cut the tension with a knife. Jake kissed my cheek, which made Carter wince. "See ya later, babe," Jake said.  
  
I headed off towards exam 4 but Carter called after me. I turned around. "We need to talk," he said.  
  
OK, I hope everyone understands now. I'm sooooo sorry I didn't make it clear. So, review! Yay! Merry Christmas! 


	5. Surprises

Author's Note: Sorry I haven't updated in awhile. Busy with holiday stuff. But I'm back now.  
  
I followed Carter into the lounge. "Why are you here?" I hissed at him.  
  
"Because I like it here, Abby. Believe it or not, my being here has absolutely nothing to do with you."  
  
I swallowed the lump rising in my throat and looked at the floor. "Oh."  
  
"I just want you to know that I plan on behaving completely professionally and I expect. . .I hope you'll do the same." I could feel his eyes on me but I wouldn't meet his gaze.  
  
"Of course," I said. "But can I ask you a favor?"  
  
He rolled his eyes. "What?"  
  
"Don't treat Jake the way you used to treat Luka," I said and stormed out.  
  
Jake was standing outside the lounge and I ran straight into him. "What's going on?" he asked, lowering his eyebrows.  
  
I sighed and shook my head. "Just some old, unresolved issues. No big deal."  
  
Jake wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a hug. "You know you can talk to me, right? And, Abby, if you and Dr. Carter are going to be working together then maybe. . .maybe you should sort this all out."  
  
"No," I said, resting my head on his shoulder. "It just needs to be left alone." I placed my chin on his shoulder and I saw a familiar looking blonde standing at the admit desk. I pulled away from Jake and went over to her.  
  
"Can I help you?" I asked.  
  
She smiled. Something about that smile was just so. . .familiar. "I'm looking for John Carter," she said. "I'm supposed to meet him here."  
  
"Um, and you are. . .?"  
  
The girl giggled. "Oh, sorry. I'm Jessica. Jessica Barrows."  
  
The flirty girl from the restaurant. The reason I'd broken it off with Carter. She was standing right in front of me.  
  
I must have looked confused because, after a moments pause, she said, "I'm John's fiancé."  
  
She placed her left hand on the counter and I saw the ring. It was a princess cut diamond (at least two karats) set on a white gold band.  
  
Before I could actually register what I'd just heard and seen I heard Carter's voice. "Jess!" he said. He stepped around me and gave Jessica a big kiss. "I didn't think you were getting into town until tomorrow."  
  
She giggled again. "I know but I just couldn't stand another minute without you, sweetums."  
  
I watched this sicken little display in utter disbelief. Carter had never been really big on the lovey-dovey, mushy stuff. And here he was, standing in the middle of the ER, talking baby-talk this. . .this. . .this whore!  
  
Suddenly, I needed a cigarette. I headed out the door to the ambulance bay. I fumbled with my lighter for a minute until I finally got it lit. "He's getting married?" I said to myself.  
  
Why did I care so damn much? He could sleep with the entire cast of "Chicago" and I wouldn't care.  
  
"Yes I would," I muttered, kicking a rock at a brick wall. I took a long drag of my cigarette and let the smoke out slowly. Carter always hated that I smoked.  
  
The image of Carter and Jessica kept playing over and over in my head. I felt nauseous. I threw my cigarette on the ground and threw up into the snow. Then I collapsed.  
  
"Abby? Are you OK?"  
  
I looked to see Susan looking very concerned. "He's getting married," I said. I felt a tear roll down my cheek. "He's getting married."  
  
OK, I'll probably update tomorrow (Monday) or Tuesday. It all depends on whether or not I can pull myself away from my PlayStation2 that I got for Christmas!!!!!! WooHoo! Don't forget to review! 


	6. Chance Encounters

Susan knelt down and hugged me. "You shouldn't be out here without a coat," she said, gently. I nodded.  
  
She took my face in her hands and said, "You broke up with him, Abby. You knew that meant he could find someone else. You've lost your claim over him." She kissed my forehead. "Now come back inside before you freeze your ass off." She paused. "Literally, Abby. You're sitting in the snow wearing only jeans. Get up."  
  
I giggled. "Thanks, Susan," I said as she helped me up. I wiped the snow off of my butt but it was still soaking wet. "Great," I mumbled.  
  
Luka stuck his head out the door. "Susan, Abby, I need one of you in trauma two."  
  
"I'll go," Susan said and followed him inside.  
  
I leaned against the wall, collecting myself before I went back to work. The doors opened again and Carter walked out, his arm around Jessica's waist.  
  
I felt dizzy again but I steadied myself. When they reached the middle of the ambulance bay Jessica stopped walking and pulled Carter against her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. "I love you," she said. I had a very distinct feeling that this show was being put on for my benefit.  
  
Carter smiled and kissed her again but he didn't give the expected, 'I love you too,' response. It didn't mean anything. Not really. But all of a sudden it was like a small ray of hope had broken through. Carter's eyes darted to me and I smiled confidently.  
  
But what did I care? I had Jake. I was happy with Jake. Wasn't I?  
  
"Hey."  
  
I jumped. "Shit, Jake," I said, turning around. "You scared the hell outta me."  
  
He grinned. "Sorry. How 'bout I take you out to dinner tonight to apologize?" he teased.  
  
I rolled my eyes and smiled. "Sure," I said. "Dinner sounds good."  
  
**************************  
  
"I didn't think it'd be so crowded on a Wednesday night," Jake said. We were standing in the middle of a large crowd of people who were all waiting for tables.  
  
"We could go to McDonalds," I joked.  
  
"Not on your life," Jake said.  
  
"Miller, party of two," someone called.  
  
"That's us," Jake said. He took my head and we wove our way through the crowd.  
  
As we reached the waitress she called out," Carter, party of two."  
  
I turned around and, sure enough, Carter and Jessica were standing there. "If you'd all follow me," the waitress said.  
  
She gave us two tables right next to each other. They were those stupid tables where one seat is a booth and the other is an actually chair. Jessica and I both sat on the booth. I watched Carter reach for Jessica's hand.  
  
"You guys make a great couple," Jake said, cheerfully. My eyes started to burn. "Don't they make a great couple, Abby? I bet they'll have really cute kids."  
  
"I need a cigarette," I said, getting up to leave. When I got outside I realized I'd been followed.  
  
"What?" I asked, lighting my cigarette.  
  
Carter shrugged. "Just wanted to see if you're OK."  
  
"I'm fine," I spat. "And even if I'm not OK, it's none of your business, is it?"  
  
Carter's face tensed. "I'm just concerned. And I understand if you're upset about Jessica and me. . ."  
  
I laughed. "Is that what you think this about?" I smiled wryly. "I couldn't care less about you and that . . .that. . .bimbo."  
  
Carter made no attempt to defend his fiancé. "So then, what is this about? You've been edgy all day."  
  
"Like I said, it's none of your business." I had forgotten about my cigarette and it was already a third gone. I took a drag. "Things change, Carter. People change."  
  
Carter grabbed it out of my mouth and threw it on the ground. "This is bullshit, Abby. You haven't changed one bit. You're still the same self- obsessed, chain-smoking, closed off, alcoholic mess you were when I left." With that, he went back inside.  
  
Once again, review! C'mon, guys! Tell me what you think. I really wanna know. Unless it's bad. No, just kidding. Next chapter coming soon! 


	7. Making Mistakes

When I got back to the table I was relieved, but somewhat confused, to see that Carter wasn't there.  
  
"Where's Carter?" I asked, taking my seat.  
  
"John had to use the restroom," Jessica said in her over-correct, extremely polite, speech. It occurred to me that she was one of "them." One of the rich, classy, socially elite member's of Carter's family's society.  
  
After a slight pause Jake said, "You and Carter were more than just friends, weren't you?"  
  
"Where did that come from?" I asked, trying to avoid answering the question.  
  
"Answer the question, Abby."  
  
I looked down at the table. "Yeah. We dated for about a year."  
  
Jessica laughed. "John dated YOU?" She laughed again. Then her mouth fell open. "Oh my God. You were that woman at The Golden Sun when I ran into John two years ago. Wow. . ."  
  
I wanted to smack her. And I probably would have if I had been standing in front of her instead of sitting next to her.  
  
I opened my mouth to say something smart and witty but the waiter interrupted. "Are you ready to order?"  
  
****************************  
  
"So. . .what exactly happened between you two?" Jake asked, between bites of his stake.  
  
"Which two?" Carter asked.  
  
"Us two," I said.  
  
"Oh. . .well, um, actually, that's a very good question, Jake. What DID happen between us, Abby?" Carter's tone was sarcastic and patronizing but I knew that he was actually serious.  
  
I glared at him. "You know perfectly well what happened," I said.  
  
He was starting to get angry again. "No, I don't know." He glanced at Jessica. "But it doesn't really matter now, does it?"  
  
It did matter. I could see on his face that he did care. And that made me sad and angry at the same time. I was angry at myself for hurting him but I was gonna take it out on him.  
  
I stood up. "You are such an ass." I stormed out of the restaurant leaving a half-eaten Caser salad and my boyfriend behind.  
  
**************************  
  
"Hey." Jake said softly.  
  
I said nothing.  
  
"I know you're awake, Abby." He sat down on the bed and rubbed my shoulder. I jerked away from him. "Abby if you don't tell me what's going on. . ."  
  
I sat up. "Nothing's 'going on,' Jake. I just. . . I just wasn't prepared for him to come back."  
  
"Why did you break up?"  
  
"Because. . ." I really didn't want to say this. But I had to. "Because, he was eventually going to hurt me and I didn't wanna just sit back and let that happen."  
  
Jake looked at me for a moment and then kissed me. He lightly lowered me back onto the bed and climbed on top of me. I didn't want to have sex with him. His hands made my skin burn. But what could I say? "Sorry Jake but I can't have sex with you because it feels like I'm cheating on my ex-boyfriend. . .who I'm still in love with by the way." Yeah. That would go over well.  
  
So I went along with it. Kissing him, touching him, opening my legs for him. After it was over (it didn't take very long) Jake wrapped his arm around my bare stomach. "I love you," he said.  
  
It was the first time he'd ever said that. I tried to say it back but I couldn't. After all the lies I'd told, I couldn't tell Jake that I loved him if it wasn't true. I stood up and started getting dressed.  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
"I don't know," I told him. "I just need to get out for awhile. I'll be home later."  
  
************************  
  
Half an hour later I found myself standing in front of a huge wooden door. I looked at my watch. It was 10:30. Not too late, right? I knocked on the door.  
  
I had expected a butler. But Carter answered. Neither of us spoke. We just looked at each other. Then, without a word, Carter took me in his arms and kissed me, hard, passionately on the lips. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him back. 


	8. Confrontation

Carter broke the kiss. "We can't do this," he said, trying to catch his breath.  
  
"Of course we can," I said, reaching for him.  
  
He gently encircled my wrists in his hands. "Abby, what about Jake? What about Jessica?"  
  
Suddenly I felt extremely guilty. What was I doing? Cheating on my boyfriend? I never thought I'd sink so low. A strangled sob escaped from my throat. Carter pulled me into his arms.  
  
"We'll work something out," he said.  
  
I pulled away from him. "What's to work out? You dump Jessica and I'll dump Jake. It's really simple, Carter."  
  
He shook his head. "I can't do that," he said. "I want to, believe me, but. . .so much money has been spent on the wedding and. . ."  
  
I cut him off. "Money? Carter, I can't believe that you. . ."  
  
This time he cut me off. "Not my money, Abby. Her parents' money. I can't just call the whole thing off."  
  
"Why the hell not? You can't have both of us, Carter."  
  
"I know." Our eyes met and I could see he was being torn apart.  
  
"Look," I said. "For me, the choice is simple. Between you and Jake, I'll take you. But if you even have to think about it. . ."  
  
He kissed me again and I could feel that he meant it. "I love you, Abigail Lockhart," he whispered in my ear.  
  
I rested my head on his chest. "Are you gonna hurt me, John Carter?"  
  
"I hope not. We'll just have to see how this pans out."  
  
I headed back towards my car. He followed me. "That's not good enough for me," I said. "I need to know now. Me or her?"  
  
He looked at me helplessly. "You know I can't just walk away from her."  
  
"Why not?" I grumbled. "You walked away from me."  
  
"What?" He was getting slightly angry. "Abby, you were the one who walked away, not me. And I still have no idea why."  
  
Hot tears welled up behind my eyes. "I was afraid you were going to hurt me."  
  
"Was that all?"  
  
"Every other man I've ever loved has hurt me. Why would you be any different? My daddy broke my heart by leaving me with Maggie. Richard broke my heart by sleeping with someone else while we were still married. Eric broke my heart by saying he didn't want me in his life. I didn't want to wait around to see what sort of new and inventive way you'd find to break my heart."  
  
"Abby, don't be ridiculous." Carter reached out to take my hand but I jerked it back.  
  
"I'm not being ridiculous. I'm completely serious."  
  
He put his hands on my hips. "I would never hurt you."  
  
I pushed him away. "You're hurting me right now."  
  
He kicked at the gravel on the driveway. "I don't know what to do."  
  
"Leave her!"  
  
Neither of us said anything for a minute. "John?" We both jumped. Jessica was standing in the doorway, outlined by the dim light of the hallway. "Is everything OK?"  
  
"Yeah. I'll be inside in a second," Carter said, not taking his eyes off me.  
  
"OK, hurry." Jessica smiled at me. "I'm making him watch that movie with the singing goats." She went inside and shut the door behind her.  
  
I raised my eyebrows. "The Sound of Music," Carter clarified. "She's talking about the part with the puppet show."  
  
"She seems like a real intelligent girl, John. I hope you too will be very happy together." Without waiting to hear what he was going to say, I climbed in my car and drove home. 


	9. Aftermath

When I opened my apartment door I was met with quite a surprise. There were eight empty bottles of beer sitting on the coffee table. I stood with the door half-open. Jake didn't drink. In fact, he was an alcoholic . . . just like me. We had met at work and then run into each other at a meeting.  
  
I heard a crash from the kitchen. "Jake?"  
  
I closed the door as he came stumbling towards me. "Where the hell have you been?" he slurred.  
  
"I just went for a drive."  
  
"You saw him, didn't you?"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Carter!"  
  
I tried to stop the guilt I felt from spreading to my face. "Jake, don't be ridiculous."  
  
With one swift movement, Jake threw me against the wall and pinned me there. "You lying whore." His breath reeked. And my head was throbbing.  
  
"Jake, stop it, you're hurting me." I tried to wiggle away from him but I couldn't budge.  
  
"Oh, I haven't even started." He smiled, a scary, drunken smile. He raised his hand and formed a fist.  
  
"Jake, please," I begged. "Don't do this. Please."  
  
Jake laughed and hit me as hard as he could. Then he took my head in his hands and smashed it into the wall. Everything went black.  
  
********************  
  
Jake was sitting by the bed when I woke up. He must have carried me into the bedroom after I was knocked out. I reached up and touched the area around my left eye. It was swollen. My hand moved down my face and discovered a large cut on my cheek. My bottom lip was split and the entire right side of my torso was throbbing with pain.  
  
I reached for the phone. "I'm calling the police," I said.  
  
"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Jake said. "I could kill you before they ever got here. Just one little snap, " he demonstrated with his hands, "and I could break your neck." He grabbed my still extended wrist and twisted it until I heard the bone snap.  
  
Tears sprung to my eyes and poured down my face. "We're going into work now because we both have a sift. You're going to get all bandaged up and then go about your day. And when people ask what happened you're going to tell them that you fell down the stairs."  
  
******************  
  
"Abby, what happened?" Carter cried as Jake and I entered the hospital.  
  
"I. . ." I glanced nervously at Jake. "I fell down the stairs. I think my wrist is broken."  
  
Carter gently took my wrist in his hands. "Come on, I'll take a look at it."  
  
I sat down on the bed in exam two. "That cut on your face might need to be sutured," he said, pulling on his gloves. I winced as he touched my face. "You didn't fall down the stairs." It wasn't a question.  
  
I shook my head.  
  
"Did Jake hit you?"  
  
I looked up at Carter. I didn't want to tell him. I was ashamed. It wasn't my fault. I told myself over and over again that it wasn't my fault. But I still didn't want to broadcast it around.  
  
I nodded. "He was drunk last night when I got home," I said. "He knew I'd been to see you. He got jealous."  
  
"Son of bitch," Carter said, standing up.  
  
I pulled him back down with my good arm. "John, don't do anything. Please. I'm gonna call the cops today and they can take care of it. John, please . . ."  
  
I don't think he was listening to me. He left the room and came back a few minutes later, dragging Jake by the collar. "Did you do this to her?" he roared. "Did you!?!"  
  
Jake looked at me, then at Carter, then back to me. "You fucking bitch," he hissed.  
  
Carter spun him around and slammed him against the wall. "If you ever come near her again, I will kill you. Slowly. Now get the fuck outta here."  
  
"Sorry to disappoint you," Jake said, coolly. "But I have a shift to finish."  
  
"Not after I talk to Weaver." Carter threw Jake out the door. "Abby, come with me." 


	10. Consolations

I followed Carter through the ER like an obedient little puppy. It wasn't until we passed the admin desk that I asked where we were going.  
  
"To talk to Weaver," he said.  
  
I stopped. "No," I said firmly. "Uh-uh. No way."  
  
He turned around and walked towards me. "Abby, you have to," he said, lowering his voice.  
  
I shook my head. "I can't," I whispered, tears forming in my eyes. "I'll just call the police. They'll come and get him, take him away. . ."  
  
"Don't you think people are gonna ask why?" Carter asked, pulling me over to the wall.  
  
I hadn't thought of that. I shrugged. "Fine," I said. "I'll talk to her."  
  
*********************  
  
"Are the police on their way?" Carter asked. The 'meeting' with Weaver had ended and she said she'd make sure he was gone, in case something went wrong with the legal system. . .it's been known the happen.  
  
I fiddled with the blue cast Carter had put on my wrist. "Yeah, they'll be here soon," I said, staring at the door. As if on cue, it opened, letting in two police officers.  
  
I waved them over. "Ms. Lockhart?" one of them said. I nodded. "Where is he?"  
  
Without a word I led them to the lounge. Jake was sitting on the couch. The policemen pulled him up and handcuffed him. "What the hell is going on?" Jake bellowed.  
  
The policemen read him his rights and started pulling him towards the door. "Abby, I'm sorry," he yelled. Carter and I followed him. "Abby, I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. Please. I won't do it again. I love you, Abby. Please! PLEASE!"  
  
As we watched him disappear into the ambulance bay I felt Carter's hand on my shoulder. "What was that all about?" Susan asked.  
  
"I'll tell you later," I said.  
  
She gave me a curious look but left it at that. When I turned away from the door Carter was hanging up the phone.  
  
"I called a car to come and get you. I want you to stay at my house for a while. In case Jake makes bail or something. I talked to Weaver, she said you can have a couple days off. Starting now. I'll be home in a couple hours."  
  
I wrinkled my nose. "Is Jessica there?" I asked.  
  
Carter bit his lip. "Yeah, but her bachelorette party is tonight and she's spending the night at a friends so it'll just be us."  
  
Had I not just had the shit beaten outta me, I would have been excited about that. But circumstances being what they were, I wasn't really in the mood for sex.  
  
I sighed. "Are you really gonna marry her, Carter?" I asked.  
  
He avoided my eyes. "I don't know. I don't want to."  
  
"Then don't!" I cried.  
  
He smiled. "That's what my dad said. 'Don't marry her if you don't love her, John. Don't make the same mistake I made.' Dad thinks Jessica's just an empty shell."  
  
"I agree," I said.  
  
"C'mon," Carter said. "Let's go wait for the limo." He ushered me towards the ambulance bay.  
  
I raised my eyebrows. "Limo, huh?"  
  
He laughed. "It's the least I can do."  
  
************************  
  
"Oh you poor thing!" Jessica cried as I climbed up the front steps. "You look like you've been run over by a truck!"  
  
"Thanks," I said.  
  
"That must have been some fall," she said, stepping aside so I could get in the door.  
  
"Huh?" What was she talking about?  
  
"John told me you fell down the stairs," she said. She looked genuinely concerned and I almost felt sorry for her. Almost.  
  
"Oh, yeah. . ." I said. "I did."  
  
"He also said you'd probably just want to sleep. There's a room for you at the top of the stairs. It's got a TV and VCR and videos and there are a couple of Advil on the table. And, um, if you want to, you can come with me and some friends. I'm having my bachelorette party tonight." She giggled.  
  
"Uh, no thanks," I said. "I don't feel like going out."  
  
***********************  
  
Three hours later someone knocked on my door. "Come in."  
  
Carter poked his head in the room. "Hey," he said. "How are you?"  
  
I shrugged. "Not too bad." I patted the space on the bed next to me. He lay down next to me.  
  
"Whatcha watchin'?"  
  
"The Shawshank Redemption," I said.  
  
He grinned. "My all-time favorite movie," he said, settling in.  
  
I placed my head on his chest. "Is Jessica gone?" I asked hopefully.  
  
"Yep," he said. "Gone for the night."  
  
We watched the movie for a while, Carter's hands playing with my hair.  
  
I rolled over onto my back and smiled up at Carter. I'd changed my mind about not wanting sex. Touching him made every nerve in my body stand on end. He took the hint and kissed me. His hands started to roam but when they got under my shirt I pulled back in pain. "Abby. . .what's wrong?"  
  
I shook my head but he pulled my shirt up, reveling a large yellow bruise on my rib cage. "Why didn't you say something about this at the hospital?" he asked. "You could have a broken rib."  
  
"It's just bruised," I said, pulling my shirt back down. "No big deal."  
  
Carter looked at me, his brown eyes wet with concern. "If I ever see that bastard again, I'm gonna kill him."  
  
I sat up and kissed him. He held me to him. "I love you, Abby."  
  
I smiled at him. "We're missing the best part of the movie," I said.  
  
"Why won't you say it?" he asked.  
  
"Say what, honey?" I asked, my eyes on the TV.  
  
"That you love me."  
  
I sighed and looked at him. "Because you're engaged."  
  
"But you'll kiss me?"  
  
He had a point. "There's a difference," I said. And there was. I just wasn't sure what it was. "There's something more serious, more hurtful to Jessica, about saying that I. . .that I. . .you know."  
  
He nodded. "Tell me what you want me to do, Abby. When you want me to do it, how you want me to do it." He took my hands and kissed each one. "I want you. But I can't hurt Jessica."  
  
I scowled. "So you'll just hurt me instead?"  
  
He sighed. "You're right. You're right." He kissed my forehead. "I'll tell her tomorrow."  
  
We lay back down, watching the movie, and fell asleep in each other's arms.  
  
WooHoo! Long chapter. Lemme know what you think. More soon! 


	11. Confessions

I opened my eyes slowly. Carter was smiling at me. "Morning Sleeping Beauty," he said, leaning in for a kiss. I leaned away.  
  
"Not until you tell Jessica," I said.  
  
He sighed. "All right. As soon as she gets home I'll talk to her." He stretched and yawned. "How 'bout some breakfast in the mean time?"  
  
We padded down the stairs together and there was a huge breakfast sitting on the dinning room table. Carter grinned. "It's one of the benefits of having servants," he said, slightly embarrassed.  
  
I sat down and helped myself to some eggs and bacon. Cater poured me some coffee and added sugar and creamer. "Thanks," I said with a mouthful of eggs.  
  
"Lovely," Carter laughed.  
  
I stuck my egg-covered tongue out at him.  
  
We heard the door open and exchanged nervous glances. "Hellooooooooo!" Jessica called from the hallway.  
  
"We're in here," Carter called back, his eyes fixed on mine.  
  
Jessica entered and threw her arms around Carter. He cringed. "I had soooooooo much fun last night!" she shrieked. "I can't believe I've had my last night of freedom!"  
  
"Maybe you haven't," I muttered. She didn't hear me.  
  
Carter took her arms from around his neck. "Jess, we need to talk," he said, solemnly.  
  
She frowned. "Is something wrong?"  
  
"Abby, can you give us a minute?" he asked.  
  
I got up to leave but switched on the intercom before I left. One of the benefits of living in a huge house is that you need intercoms to communicate from room to room.  
  
I turned on the intercom in the sitting room, sat on the couch, and waited. The conversation I heard went like this:  
  
Carter - "I don't think . . . I don't think we can go through with this wedding."  
  
Jessica - "Why not?"  
  
Carter - "Because it wouldn't be fair. It wouldn't be fair to you."  
  
Jessica - "What are you talking about, John?"  
  
Carter - "I don't . . ." (There was a long pause.) "I don't love you, Jess."  
  
Jessica - (her voice breaking) "What? Why . . .?  
  
Carter - "I'm so sorry. I really am. I don't want to hurt you. But I'd just be hurting you more if I went through with this."  
  
Another long pause.  
  
Jessica - "Did you ever love me?"  
  
Carter - "I don't know. I wanted to. You're amazing, Jessica. You're so beautiful and caring . . .someday you're gonna meet someone who will really love you and treat you like a queen. But it's not me, Jess. It's not me. See you're like . . . really rich chocolate mousse."  
  
Jessica - "What?"  
  
Carter - "Chocolate mousse is really really good but it's also really really rich. And after the first few bites, some people can't take anymore. I need . . . I need plain old chocolate ice cream. It's comfortable, it's familiar. There are plenty of guys out there who would just kill for some really good chocolate mousse. But not me. I need . . .  
  
Jessica - "Abby." She said it so softly that I wasn't sure she'd said it at all. But then she continued and her voice got louder. "You want Abby. Boring, plain, ugly, old Abby."  
  
Ugly? I wasn't gorgeous like she was but I wasn't hideous . . .was I?  
  
Jessica - "Between me and her, you pick her? That's classic, John. It really is. What will your mother say when she meets Abby? She's just . . .she's just . . .white trash. That's what she is. White trash." I heard a door slam and then the sound of feet running upstairs.  
  
Following a moments pause, another pair of feet ran up stairs also. I sat in the sitting room, staring at a bookshelf. After what seemed like an eternity, Jessica came into the sitting room. "You have to leave," she said.  
  
"What? I . . .I have no where to go . . ." I couldn't go home. Jake could find me there . . . if he was out.  
  
Jessica shrugged. "Not my problem," she said indifferently.  
  
"Where's Carter? I need to talk to Carter," I demanded.  
  
Jessica smiled, her eyes were filled with victory. "He can't see you. Not now, not ever. Get out."  
  
I felt my eyes fill with tears but I held them back. There was no way I was gonna let this bitch see me cry. "What did you say to him?" I asked, picking my purse up from the front hall.  
  
She grinned at me. I knew she had an ace up her sleeve. I just couldn't for the life of me figure out what would be so big that Carter would change his mind about me.  
  
"Oh, nothing much," she said, still smiling. "It's just that. . .well, I'm pregnant."  
  
Well, that would do it.  
  
Review! Thanks, guys! More soon! 


	12. Believing

I lay in my bed, staring at the ceiling. I had gone home. I had no choice. Like I told Jessica, I had nowhere to go. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. I opened them again when I realized that it was 11:00 in the morning. And I'd never in my life been farther from sleep.  
  
I picked up the phone and dialled Carter's cell phone. It rang and rang but no one answered.  
  
Over the next two days I called him constantly. He never once picked up. The next time I saw or heard from him was at the hospital. I was walking by an empty exam room and he grabbed my arm and pulled me inside.  
  
"Carter!" I cried happily.  
  
He looked at me sadly. "Hey," he said, trying to smile. "Uh, Jessica's pregnant," he said.  
  
I snorted. "Yeah, so she says."  
  
Carter frowned. "She wouldn't lie about it, Abby. What could she possibly have to gain by lying?"  
  
"YOU!" I said.  
  
"Only for a little while, though. I mean, it wouldn't take long for me to realize there is no baby," he said.  
  
"It's already taken you too long, Carter."  
  
"Why don't you believe her?" he asked.  
  
"Three reasons, really," I said, sitting down on a bed. "First of all, the look on her face when she told me. If she is pregnant, she couldn't care less about that baby. Second, why did she wait until now to tell you? Why didn't she tell you the instant she found out? Third, and most importantly, wasn't she out drinking with her friends three nights ago? I don't think you're supposed to drink if you're pregnant." I said this last remark sarcastically.  
  
Carter rubbed his forehead. "Abby . . ." he said.  
  
I looked at him expectantly. He didn't say anything. "My advice to you is to get some real proof, Carter. Take her to a pre-natal exam. And if she isn't pregnant, and you still wanna be with me - because, Carter, I'm really starting to wonder if you do or not -then we'll talk."  
  
******************************  
  
I sat on the roof, nervously biting my nails. "What's wrong?" a voice behind me asked. I jumped.  
  
"Hey Susan," I said, lighting a cigarette. "What makes you think something's wrong?"  
  
She sat down next to me. "You're biting your nails," she said. "You don't normally bite your nails."  
  
I wrinkled my nose. "It's complicated," I said. And it was complicated. For her to understand what was wrong at that exact moment would require me telling her everything. I didn't have the energy to get into it.  
  
Susan nodded. "Well, I'm here if you want to talk."  
  
I closed my eyes. I had to tell her. I had to tell someone or I'd explode. "It started when Carter showed up with Jessica," I said and launched into a condensed version of the events of the past week. By the time I finished, Susan was stunned. "They're at the OB-GYN right now," I said.  
  
Susan rubbed my shoulder. "God, Abby," she said. "That sucks."  
  
I laughed bitterly. "Yeah, no shit." My cell phone rang. I looked at it. "It's Carter," I said.  
  
"I'll be downstairs if you need me," Susan said, and left me alone on the roof with my ringing phone.  
  
I took a deep breath before I answered it. "Hello?" My voice was shaking.  
  
"Abby, it's me," he said. I couldn't hear any emotion in his voice. It occurred to me that whether, or not Jessica was actually pregnant, it was a bad situation for Carter either way. If she was pregnant, he doesn't get me. But if she wasn't pregnant, he doesn't get a baby. A baby he wants so badly. Suddenly, I felt very selfish for hoping she had been lying.  
  
"So," I said. "How did it go?"  
  
He sighed and I knew that whatever he had to say, it wasn't gonna be good.  
  
REVIEW! Yay! OK, I'm gonna write the next chapter RIGHT NOW and post it tomorrow. I'm evil, I know. Teehee. 


	13. Reunited

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I am not a doctor; this chapter (and any other following) will most likely NOT be medically accurate. I'm sorry. But deal with it. It's just a fic. : )  
  
FOUR YEARS LATER *****************************  
  
I stared at the locker that used to be his. The name on it now was Johnson. I sighed. I hadn't seen him almost four years. Last I heard he was living in Boston with Jessica and their baby.  
  
God, I missed him. And hated him. I hated him for leaving me. Leaving me for an unborn child. Jessica's child. And even after four years, all I can think about is him. I shook my head as I headed out of the lounge. I had to get him out of my head. . . at least until my shift ended.  
  
"OK Chuny, what have we got?" I asked, entering exam four.  
  
"Three-year-old girl, jumped off the monkey bars," Chuny said. "Possible broken leg."  
  
The little girl sat on the bed. Her sandy blond hair was in messy pigtail braids and her brown eyes were wet with tears. Her olive colored face was dirty and tear-stained. I glanced at the girl she'd come in with. "You her mother?" I asked.  
  
The girl shook her head. "No," she sniffed. She'd been crying. "I'm her baby-sitter."  
  
"Have you called her parents?" I asked, gently touching the little girl's leg. She cried out in pain.  
  
The baby-sitter nodded again. "Her father's on his way," she said.  
  
Chuny took her to the cafeteria while I got the girl ready for x- rays. "Is my daddy coming?" she asked.  
  
I smiled. "I think he'll be here soon," I said. "What's you're name, sweetie?" I asked, picking up her chart.  
  
"Annie," she said through her tears and the hiccups, which had developed as a result of the crying.  
  
"Annie?" I repeated. "That's a pretty name. We have to go to another room now, Annie, to take pictures of the bone in your leg to see how we can make it better, OK?"  
  
She shook her head violently and the pigtails flew from side to side. "Not without my daddy," she firmly, and formed her lips into a pout.  
  
I sighed. "We have to go so we can get your leg to stop hurting," I explained. "You're daddy will know where to find us," I said.  
  
Fresh tears spilled down her face. "OK," she said.  
  
I went to tell whoever was behind the desk to inform Annie's father that we were having x-rays taken when I realized I needed her last name. "Annie, what's your last name?"  
  
She looked confused for a minute and then smiled with pride as she remembered. "Carter," she chirped. "Annie Carter."  
  
*****************************  
  
"What color cast do you want?" I asked Annie.  
  
She thought for a moment. "Purple!" she decided. "Is my daddy here yet?"  
  
I shook my head. "Not yet, sweetie." And thank God for that. Of course, I couldn't be sure this was Carter's child . . . I mean, it's a pretty common name, isn't it? But those eyes . . . those are his eyes. I silently put the cast on her leg. "Now don't touch it until it's dry," I said.  
  
"I want my daddy," she said sadly. She wasn't whining, she just really wanted her daddy to comfort her.  
  
As if on cue, Carter burst though the door. "Annie!" he cried. "Honey, are you OK?" he asked, kissing her on the head.  
  
He turned to me, not seeing me as Abby, but as the doctor who treated his daughter. "Is she OK? Did she hit her head?"  
  
"She's fine," I said. "She has a fractured tibia and two fractures in the fibula of the right leg," I said. "No sign of head trauma."  
  
Carter sat down next to Annie. "Oh thank God," he said, kissing her again. "I don't know what I'd do without my Anna Banana!" he said playfully.  
  
Annie giggled. Then she became serious. "I was scared," she said. "I called and called, but you weren't there." She buried her face in his stomach.  
  
"I'm here now, baby," he said. He looked up at me. "Hi, Abby," he said softly.  
  
"Hello John."  
  
Annie looked up. "Do you know my daddy?" she asked.  
  
I nodded. "We're old friends," I said. I looked at Carter, unsure whether to be excited or angry. Why was he here? Why now? Where was Jessica? Why hadn't he called me? Did he think he could show up after four years and I'd just fall into his arms? 


	14. Reconnecting

I was just settling down with a book when Carter knocked on my door. "What are you doing here?" I asked sharply.  
  
His eyes danced nervously. "I was hoping we could go for a walk. To catch up."  
  
I was about to say no but the sadness in his eyes made me change my mind. I grabbed my coat. "OK," I said.  
  
We walked down to the lake and walked along the beach. "Where's Annie?" I asked.  
  
"At home with the baby-sitter," he said. "How've you been?" he asked.  
  
I shrugged. "OK, I guess. You?"  
  
"It's been hard," he said. "But I manage."  
  
"What's been hard? Raising a child?"  
  
He nodded. "Raising a child on my own."  
  
"Where'd Jessica go? She get bored and run off with a salesman?" I snorted.  
  
"She's dead."  
  
"Oh shit. Carter, I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't mean . . ."  
  
He laughed. "It's OK," I'm used to you putting your foot in your mouth."  
  
"When did she die?" I asked.  
  
"Two years ago. Breast cancer. Annie doesn't even remember her."  
  
I could tell that the subject of his dead wife was slightly upsetting so I changed the topic to Annie. "She's only just turned three," he said. And she's the most wonderful kid in the world. I know most parents think that but it really is true. She's smart and funny. And so affectionate. She's my world."  
  
"Ann Carter," I said. "Infant prodigy."  
  
Carter shook his head. "Not Ann, Annabelle," he corrected. "Annabelle Joy Carter." He beamed with pride.  
  
I smiled. "Well, I don't know if she's really as wonderful as you say, but she sure is beautiful."  
  
His face lit up. "She is, isn't she?"  
  
We were silent for a moment and then I asked the question I'd been dying to ask. "Why'd you come back?"  
  
"I like it here," Carter said. "And I wanted to see you. But I . . . I didn't know how to call. I was sure you'd hate me." He glanced at me.  
  
This was, of course, my cue to tell him that I didn't hate him. But I didn't say anything. I figured I could afford to just let him stew.  
  
"You gonna work at county?"  
  
"I don't know," he said. "Weaver's getting a little tired of me leaving all the time," he laughed.  
  
"She's not the only one," I muttered.  
  
Carter stopped walking and turned me towards him. "Leaving you was the hardest thing I've ever done," he said. "And I'm sorry. But I had to go. I had to go because of Annie."  
  
"I know," I said. "I understand why you left. And I don't hate you."  
  
He looked relieved. "I've been so lonely, Abby," he said. "Even before Jessica died I was lonely. I was never connected to her the way I was, and still am, connected to you." He took my hand. "I know it's a lot to ask," he said. "But I'd really like another chance."  
  
"I . . .I . . .I don't . . ." I stammered. "I don't know," I said, continuing down the beach.  
  
He followed me. "Why not?"  
  
I turned to him. "Because . . .because . . . I don't know why not," I said. "I just don't know."  
  
"We could take it slowly," he said, inching towards me. "Please? Don't make me beg, Abby," he said, smiling.  
  
I took a deep breath and let myself fall into him. He put his finger under my chin and tilted my face up. He kissed me, softly, briefly. "I missed you, John. God, I missed you."  
  
All righty, everyone . . .don't forget to review! Yay! Happy Carby! For the moment at least . . .I'm not sure what will happen down the road but I can tell you that I am sick of all the angst so don't worry too much. 


	15. Hard Time

"I need a favor." Carter was standing at my door, Annie in his arms. "Weaver said I can have my job back but I have to go in right now. Can you watch Annie until about 10:00 tonight?"  
  
I smiled and rolled my eyes. "Of course."  
  
Carter handed Annie to me. She was a little difficult to hold onto because of her cast but I managed not to drop her. Carter placed a bag full of toys and pajamas at my feet. "Thank you," he said, kissing my cheek and then Annie's. "Be good, Annie."  
  
After Carter shut the door Annie said, "do you have any movies?" I did have movies. None, however, were suitable for a three-year-old.  
  
"Why don't I take you to the video store?"  
  
At the video store Annie got 'Monsters Inc,' 'Lilo & Stitch,' and 'Toy Story 2.' She watched them all, sitting silently in front of a TV, cuddling a ragged blue dog. I had never met a child with a longer attention span. When the last movie ended Annie announced that she was hungry.  
  
"You want pizza?" I asked.  
  
"OK," Annie sighed.  
  
While the frozen pizza was cooking I sat down on the couch with Annie. "I like your dog," I said. "What's her name?"  
  
Annie frowned. "It's a boy, not a girl," she said. "And he's not mine."  
  
"He's not?"  
  
"He's Bobby's dog," Annie said. "His name is Binker."  
  
"Bobby? Who's Bob. . .?" But then I remembered. Carter's brother. "Oh, you're uncle Bobby," I said.  
  
Annie nodded. "Bobby's dead," she said. "Like my mommy." She looked up at me, her eyes challenging me, but I wasn't quite sure what the challenge was.  
  
"Pizza's ready," I said as the buzzer went off. I placed cut up squares of pizza in front of her.  
  
She stared at it and then picked up the plate and threw it against a wall. It shattered. "NO!" she screamed. "NO! I WANT MY DADDY!" She flung herself onto the floor, fists flying, legs flailing.  
  
I tried to calm her down. "Annie? What's wrong? Tell me how to fix it."  
  
She just continued to scream. I picked her up and carried her into my room. I put her on the bed and shut the door. "You can come out when you've calmed down," I said from the other side of the door.  
  
I sat on the couch and turned on the TV while the screams continued. I wasn't sure I'd done the right thing. I didn't know what Carter's discipline methods were and I didn't want to do something wrong. But I couldn't just stand there and watch her scream.  
  
Two hours later the screams had finally died down and Carter was back. "How'd it go?"  
  
I groaned. "You didn't warn me about her temper tantrums."  
  
"What?" Carter said, completely surprised. "Annie doesn't have temper tantrums. She's always been really even tempered and well behaved."  
  
"Well, she wasn't today," I said, leading him into the kitchen. I held up a piece of the plate she broke.  
  
"I don't understand," Carter said, shaking his head.  
  
"Maybe she was just tired," I offered.  
  
Carter shrugged. "Well, whatever it was, I hope it doesn't happen again." He pulled me up against him and wrapped his arms around me. "I'm sorry  
  
"'S OK," I murmured. His lips brushed lightly against my neck. "She probably just doesn't like that she's no longer the only woman in her daddy's light."  
  
Carter laughed softly. "That's probably it," he said, moving his hands up the back of my shirt. We moved out of the kitchen and accidentally sent a chair crashing to the floor. I bit my lip. "I think we woke her up," I said.  
  
Sure enough screams of, "I HATE YOU!" can from the bedroom. "I HATE YOU! I WANT MY DADDY! I WANT MY DADDY NOW!" Carter opened the door and Annie looked up. An embarrassed smile crossed her face. "Hi Daddy," she said softly.  
  
"Annabelle, I want you to apologize to Abby right now," he said firmly. When she said nothing, Carter tried again. "I mean it, Annabelle. I'm gonna count to three. One, two . . ."  
  
"I'm SORRY!" Annie shouted.  
  
Carter sat down next to her. "Why are you being so horrible to Abby?" he asked.  
  
"Because I hate her."  
  
"Why do you hate her?" Carter grabbed a tissue and wiped Annie's nose. "What did she do?"  
  
"She's gonna take you away from me," Annie wailed, tears pouring from her eyes.  
  
Carter lifted her onto his lap. "Sweetheart," he said, slightly amused at the thought that anyone could ever take him away from his daughter. "No one will ever, ever, ever take me away from you. I love you so much, butter bean." He kissed her cheek. "You're part of me. My heart and soul."  
  
Annie sniffed. "So you won't be friends with Abby anymore?" she asked hopefully.  
  
Carter sighed and shook his head. "No, I'm still gonna be friends with Abby. So you're gonna have to be nice to her, understand?"  
  
"But why? You love me, not Abby."  
  
"I can love more than one person," Carter explained. "And just because I love Abby doesn't mean I love you less than I did before, OK?"  
  
Annie nodded and looked up at me. "Do you love her very much?" she asked her father.  
  
Carter smiled and followed Annie's gaze until his eyes met mine. "Yes," he said, looking right at me. "Very, very much."  
  
Annie digested this and then asked, "Abby, do love my daddy very much?"  
  
I hesitated. I still hadn't actually told Carter that I loved him. But I could see that this was not the time to waffle. "Yes," I said to the little girl who was so scared of losing her daddy. "Yes," I said again. "I love him very much." 


	16. Betrayal

I picked the stuffed dog off the couch and held it up. "Should I take this to her?" I asked. I studied Carter's face carefully. He never talked to me about his brother and I was hoping he would now. But he just shook his head.  
  
"Don't wanna risk waking her up," he said, grinning. Annie had fallen asleep and we had put her to bed in the guest room.  
  
I plopped onto the couch. "I never realized that kids were so in tune with what's going on around them. I thought kids were totally clueless as to what adults are thinking and feeling."  
  
Carter sat down next to me. "No, they're really perceptive about that stuff." He paused, obviously upset about something. Then he continued. "She knows I didn't love Jessica," he said.  
  
"Did you tell her that?" I asked.  
  
"No. She just knows. And when she's old enough to understand what that means, she'll hate me for it."  
  
I place my hand on Carter's knee. "Well, explain the whole thing," I said. "Tell her that you only married Jessica because she was going to have your baby."  
  
Carter laughed. "That'll make it worse." He turned his head towards me and our eyes met. He smiled. "Maybe she'll just forget," he said, leaning in to kiss me.  
  
I lay down on the couch and he followed. But something made him break away from me. "What's wrong?" I asked, my arms still encircling his neck.  
  
"Did you mean what you said to Annie?" he asked. "Do you love me?"  
  
He looked so scared and vulnerable that I couldn't help but laugh.  
  
"Are you paranoid, Dr. Carter?" I teased.  
  
"Abby, come on . . ."  
  
"Of course I meant it you jerk!" I smacked him playfully on the arm.  
  
"Then say it again," he said.  
  
I rolled my eyes. "This is like some sort of weird role reversal," I said. "Either that or you're just actually turning into a woman."  
  
This made him smile. I took his face in my hands and kissed. "I love you, John Carter," I said. "I love you."  
  
"I love you, too." He pulled me up and led me to the bedroom. There are very few people who can make you truly happy just by standing in front of you but John Carter is one of them. And he wanted to be with me. Of all the women who would die to have him, he chose me.  
  
Without warning, tears starting pouring down my face. "Abby?" Carter said. He looked concerned. "Are you OK? What's wrong?"  
  
I smiled at him. "Nothing. Nothing's wrong. Just don't . . . don't stop touching me."  
  
***************************  
  
When I woke up the next morning, Carter and Annie were sitting at the kitchen table eating cereal. "Morning," Carter said brightly.  
  
"You're up early," I replied, pouring myself a cup of coffee.  
  
"Well, Annie usually gets up at around 7 so I usually get up with her."  
  
I smiled at Annie. "You feeling better today?" I asked.  
  
She nodded. "Yes," she said. Then she smiled mischievously. "Are you and Daddy gonna make me a baby brother?"  
  
Carter laughed awkwardly. "Not anytime soon, punkin."  
  
*****************************  
  
Carter spent the rest of the day with Annie and I spent it shopping with Susan. When I got home someone was sitting outside my door. He had redish-brown hair and light brown eyes. He looked familiar. "Abby?" he said, standing up. That's when I recognized him.  
  
"Will!" I threw my arms around him. Will was my boyfriend from high school. We'd dated for two years and only broke up because we went to different colleges. I hadn't seen him since the day I left for Penn State.  
  
He grinned his goofy, yet extremely charming, grin. "How've you been?" he asked.  
  
"Pretty good, you?"  
  
"Pretty good. I've missed you."  
  
"It's been a long time," I said, unlocking my door.  
  
Will put his hand on mine. "Why don't we go out to dinner?" he said. "My treat."  
  
For a brief moment, Carter flashed through my mind but I shrugged it off. It's just an innocent meal. No harm . . .right?  
  
*****************************  
  
Will and I talked non-stop for three hours. We had so much to catch up on. Will ordered a bottle of wine at the beginning of the meal and poured me a glass. So I drank it. Three bottles later we were still talking. I glanced at my watch.  
  
"Jesus Christ," I said. "It's almost mid-night."  
  
Will smiled. "Time flies when you're having fun."  
  
He walked me home and then to my door. He took my hand. "I always used to think we'd get married after high school," he said.  
  
I laughed. "Guess not," I said.  
  
Will smiled. "There's still time," he said, leaning forward. Perhaps it was because I was drunk. Perhaps it was because I was still a little angry and hurt that Carter had married Jessica. But it doesn't matter why I let him kiss me. The fact remains that I let him kiss me. And I kissed him back. I knew I was doing something wrong but I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop until I heard Carter's shocked voice say my name.  
  
I shoved Will away from me. "John," I said. "This isn't what it looks like."  
  
Carter raised his eyebrows. "It's not? That's funny because it looks like you were kissing another guy."  
  
Will blushed. "Abby," he said. "You didn't mention that you have a boyfriend." There was an excruciatingly awkward pause and then Will spoke. "I better be going."  
  
Carter looked at me for a minute. "I'm leaving too," he said.  
  
I grabbed his arm. "John," I cried. "I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. Please. It only happened because I got drunk . . ." He stared at me in disbelief. I pressed the heel of my palm against my forehead. "That was supposed to make it better," I mumbled.  
  
"Yeah, well, you made it worse." Hate filled his eyes and tears filled mine.  
  
"Don't walk away from me, John," I said. He headed down the hallway. "Please. Please. I'm sorry. Please." I was begging like a small child.  
  
He turned towards me. "If it had been the other way around," he said. "If you had seen me kissing some other girl, would you forgive me?"  
  
Tears were pouring down my face. "John, I . . .I love you."  
  
"It doesn't seen that way, Abby."  
  
After he left I went into my apartment and collapsed on the couch, sobbing uncontrollably. What had I been thinking? I guess I hadn't been thinking at all. And my momentary lapse had resulted in losing the man I loved. I picked up the phone and dialed Carter's number. I knew he wouldn't have gotten home yet but I wanted to leave a message.  
  
"John, it's Abby," I said, trembling. "I can't change what I've done and I can never make it go away. But please, don't throw away everything we have. I love you. I was stupid. I made a mistake, just like everyone else makes mistakes. Please call me so we can talk about this."  
  
But he didn't call.  
  
Response to reviews (for chapter 15)  
  
Canard - Carter and Abby are cute together. But they're both stupid because they don't realize it.  
  
Vkh214 - Don't worry, I will continue. I feel a little sorry for Annie too.  
  
carbylobsterandavrilfan - I know I don't update as often as I should but I try. Hopefully this long chapter will keep you satisfied for the moment.  
  
CamilaC - Sweetness is good. However, life is never just peaches and cream. As Carter and Abby have shown us over, and over, and over, and over again.  
  
Hyperpiper91 - Thanks! I like writing it. I like having control over what happens between Carter and Abby. That way I can make it happy!  
  
Board-monkey - I'm glad you've been enjoying my fic. That's why I write it! 


	17. Trying

"Susan, have you seen Carter?" I asked, approaching the admin desk.  
  
"He's working on a trauma right now," she said distractedly.  
  
I sighed and went into the lounge. "Hi Abby!" Annie chirped brightly as I entered the lounge. She was watching a movie.  
  
I sat down next to her. "Hi Annie. What's up?"  
  
"Nuthin'," Annie said, staring at the screen. After a minute she said, "my daddy's mad at you."  
  
I nodded. "I know."  
  
"Did you say sorry?" she asked.  
  
I nodded again. "Many times. But he's still upset."  
  
Annie pouted. "Why?"  
  
"Because I did something really bad and sorry won't make it better."  
  
Annie sniffed. "I'm sorry I said I hate you," she said.  
  
I smiled. "That's OK," I said. "I forgive you."  
  
At that moment, Carter walked into the lounge. "Daddy," Annie said. "I just said sorry to Abby and she forgives me."  
  
Carter glared at me. "That's nice sweetie," he said.  
  
"Now it's your turn," she said. "Abby said sorry so you say you forgive her."  
  
"Let's go," Carter said. Annie stayed where she was.  
  
"John," I said. "Can we please just talk?"  
  
"I don't have anything to say to you," he spat. "Annie, NOW!"  
  
Annie walked slowly over to her father. "She said sorry," she mumbled.  
  
Carter grabbed her arms. "I do not want to hear another word about Abby, do you understand me?"  
  
She looked up at Carter, her large brown eyes full of tears. "I hate you," she said in a calm voice. "You're mean and I hate you."  
  
"That's fine," Carter said. He tried to pull her out of the lounge but she wriggled away from him.  
  
"You said Abby could be my new mommy," she said. "You said Abby won't go away like my real mommy did. But you made her go away."  
  
Carter knelt in front of Annie. "I didn't make Abby do anything," he said. "She chose to leave us. She's not your mommy. She doesn't care about us."  
  
"That's not true," I said. "I do care, Annie. I made a mistake." I looked at Carter. "Please. Just talk to me. Half an hour, that's all I ask. Please."  
  
He looked at me and then down at Annie. "Please, Daddy," she said.  
  
He sighed. "Fine," he said.  
  
******************************  
  
"Did you find someone to watch her?" I asked as Carter sat down across from me. I had waited in Doc Magoo's for about ten minutes while he tried to find someone to watch Annie.  
  
"Yeah, she's with Susan." He studied my face. "So talk," he said.  
  
I took a deep breath and tried to explain. I told him everything . . . about the dinner, the wine, and why I had let Will kiss me. When I finished, Carter just shook his head.  
  
"The thing is, Abby, even if I did forgive you, I could never trust you again. And the drinking thing . . . I can't expose Annie to that."  
  
"I know," I said. "I've gone to four meetings this week and I'm going to another one of Friday. I'm not perfect, John. But I'm trying."  
  
"I know you are." He actually sounded compassionate.  
  
"So maybe . . . maybe we could try again?"  
  
He shook his head. "It'll never work, Abby. All we ever do is hurt each other."  
  
"So we're just gonna end it? Despite the fact that we love each other, we're not going to be together?"  
  
"We don't love each other, Abby. If you loved me you never would have kissed someone else. And I could never love anyone who would cheat on me." He stood up and looked down at me. "Good-bye Abby."  
  
"You're gonna leave again, aren't you?"  
  
"No," he said. "Annie starts pre-school on Monday and I don't want to move her around anymore. I want her to have a stable life. So I'm staying."  
  
"Well, if after awhile, maybe we'd . . ."  
  
He cut me off. "I doubt it. I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
Response to reviews -  
  
Canard - I like to keep you on your toes!  
  
Carbylobsterandavrilfan - Yes, bad Abby. But she's sorry. Annie is a pretty sharp kid. And perhaps one day she'll get that baby brother . . .  
  
Camila C - Don't worry! Be happy!  
  
Carbyfan - I said there wouldn't be TOO MUCH angst. But a totally happy story is just boring.  
  
Carbybubbles - The next chapter is already written!  
  
Rizzo1 - You won't have to wait long for the next one. 


	18. Always

I walked into my apartment and placed the bottle of wine I had just bought on the counter. If Carter didn't want to be with me then there was no point in staying sober. The light on my message machine was blinking. It was Will saying he'd like to see me again. I erased it and uncorked the bottle.  
  
"Here's to romance," I said, taking a swig from the bottle. I sat down on the couch and tried not to think about Carter. I hated being without him. I needed him. "No I don't," I said out loud. "I don't need anyone." I did not need John Carter to justify my existence.  
  
But if I didn't need him then why did I fall apart every time he leaves? I walked into my bedroom and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. What had I become? Some sad pathetic woman in her mid-thirties who needed a bottle to make her happy? How fucking pathetic was that? I went back into the kitchen and poured the entire contents of the bottle down the sink.  
  
I turned to go back to my bedroom and managed to trip over my own feet. I hit my head on the counter and blacked out.  
  
***********************  
  
When I woke up I was in my bed. Had I missed something? Last thing I remembered I was in the kitchen and then . . . nothing. And I had been sober. So if I had forgotten the entire evening, something was defiantly wrong. I sat up and immediately felt a throbbing pain in my head. I reached up and felt a band-aid on my forehead. That could explain the gap in my memory. I must have hit my head, put on a band-aid, climbed into bed, and forgotten all about it.  
  
But that didn't seem quite right. I stood up and headed out of the bedroom to make some coffee. I was putting in the filter when I heard a moan from the couch. I screamed.  
  
"It's OK, it's OK, it's just me." Carter sat up and squinted at me.  
  
"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked angrily.  
  
"Sorry, I just came over to pick up Annie's stuffed dog and I found you passed out in the kitchen. I decided to stay the night in case you had a concussion or something." He rubbed his eyes. "Do you think I could get some of that coffee when it's ready?"  
  
I nodded. "Yeah."  
  
Carter stood up and picked up the empty wine bottle. "I thought you had been going to meetings," he said.  
  
"What the fuck do you care?" I asked.  
  
He sighed. "I do care," he said. "I do care about you, Abby. And I don't want to see you destroy yourself."  
  
"Well, I only had two sips," I said. "I poured the rest down the sink."  
  
"Good, that's good. I think that . . ."  
  
I cut him off. "I really don't give a shit what you think, John."  
  
"Don't get bitchy towards me," he said. "You're the one who fucked things up."  
  
"And I apologized!" I shouted. "God, what more do you want?"  
  
"I want it to never have happened!"  
  
"Well, contrary to what you may believe, I don't have the ability to turn back time."  
  
"Exactly," he said. "So then it's just a lost cause, isn't it?"  
  
I gave Carter a wry smiled. "Lost causes are my specialty."  
  
"I'm well aware of that," Carter said, running his hands through his dishevelled hair.  
  
We stood there for a moment, not sure what to say. "I'll get Annie's dog," I said. I went into the guest room and picked up the dog. "Here," I said, handing it to Carter.  
  
He took it gently. "Thanks," he muttered.  
  
He started to leave and I knew I had to say something to make him stay. "Was it really Bobby's?" I asked.  
  
He froze. "How'd you know that?" he asked without turning around.  
  
"Annie told me," I said.  
  
He looked at the tattered dog in his hands. "Yeah, it was Bobby's," he said. "My grandparents gave it to him when he was born. This dog and a college fund."  
  
I walked towards him. "What's the dog's name again?"  
  
"Binker," Carter said. "Bobby named him Binker." Suddenly Carter scowled. "I know what you're trying to do," he said. "And it's not going to work."  
  
"It did work, John," I said. "You're still here, aren't you?"  
  
Carter closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I'll always be here,"  
he said.  
  
I rushed forward and hugged him. "I'm sorry," I said. "I'm sorry."  
  
He kissed my head. "It's OK. We're gonna be OK." 


	19. Losing Binker

Author's Note - Sorry I haven't updated in awhile. I would have updated yesterday but my friends and I went to the beach. Yes, I am aware that it's January and I live in England but that's not the point. Actually, come to think of it . . . there wasn't really a point at all. Oh well. It was fun. Anyway, moving right along . . .  
  
"It's all better?" Annie asked, shoving a cracker in her mouth.  
  
"Yes, it's all OK," Carter said. In truth it was not OK. Carter and I were together but at the same time . . . not together. We spent every free moment with each other but Carter wouldn't touch me. Like I was contaminated or something. But how do you explain that to a three-year- old? You don't.  
  
Carter took Annie's crackers away from her. "You're not gonna eat your dinner if you have anymore crackers."  
  
Annie frowned momentarily but smiled again as her pasta arrived.  
  
Carter had decided that the three of us should spend some time together so that Annie could get used to the idea that Carter and I were friends. That was the word he used to explain it to me. 'Friends.'  
  
Binker sat on the table as we ate. Annie carried that dog everywhere. Carter had tried to leave it at home but she refused.  
  
****************************  
  
"Annie, hold my hand." We were crossing an empty street but Carter didn't want to take chances. Rain was pouring down and tiny (but fairly deep) rivers careened by the curbs leading to storm drains. I pulled the hood of my coat over my head.  
  
"Binker!" Annie screamed. In the darkness I could see a small shape being carried down the street by the current. Annie broke away from Carter and ran after Binker.  
  
"Annie, stop!" Carter yelled. I watched, frozen in horror, as first Binker, and then Annie were washed into the drain.  
  
Author's Note - I know it's short but I originally wrote this chapter and the next as one chapter but I decided to split it up and create a cliffhanger. More tomorrow. Enjoy and review! 


	20. Finding Annie

"Annie!" Carter screamed.  
  
"Daddy!" came the frightened reply.  
  
Something made me snap into action. "Carter," I said. "There's a manhole." I pointed about 100 yards down the street.  
  
Carter ran to it and began trying to pry it up. I knelt by the drain. "Annie," I said. "Can you grab onto something? A bar or a pipe?"  
  
There was a silence and for one terrifying second I thought she'd already been swept into the sewer. But then her tiny voice floated up. "Yes," she said. "It's a bar."  
  
"OK. Wrap your arms around the bar and hold your hands together, OK?"  
  
"Yes," she said again.  
  
I glanced down the street as Carter disappeared down the manhole. "Daddy's coming, OK Annie? He's coming to get you."  
  
Carter spoke. His voice was muffled and distant. "I can't see," he hollered. "Keep talking so I can follow your voices."  
  
How do you engage a frightened child in a conversation and keep them calm at the same time? "Annie, what's your favorite song?"  
  
"'Merican Pie," she said without hesitation.  
  
I wanted to laugh. 'American Pie' was not the response I'd expected. "Do you know the words?" I asked.  
  
"Some of 'um."  
  
"OK, we're gonna sing." I started singing the first verse and Annie joined it. As we sang I kept having visions of life without Annie. If she were swept away by the current before Carter could get to her. I strained my eyes, trying to see her but it was too dark. I just knew we couldn't lose her. I'd do anything not to lose her.  
  
We sang for about two minutes until I heard Annie's delighted cry of "Daddy!"  
  
I ran down the street to the manhole, slipping in the water on the way. "John!" I yelled into the hole. "John, over here!"  
  
Finally Annie's head appeared and she reached up to me. I took her in my arms and held her tight. "Thank God," I said. "Oh, thank God."  
  
Carter climbed out of the manhole and sat down with us. He took both of us in his arms and held us. We sat there together in the pouring rain until it occurred to me that Annie could catch pneumonia. As I stood up, Annie still in my arms, she kissed my cheek. "I love you," she said. Then she sighed. "We lost Binker."  
  
Response to reviews (chapters 18 & 19) -  
  
Carbybubbles - Thanks! I do my best!  
  
Hyperpiper91 - Yay! The more carby the better . . . that's my motto!  
  
Canard - Well, things are still slightly rocky but no worries!  
  
Jackie - hehehe, I'm not a patient person either.  
  
CamilaC - You will be missed while you're away but I hope you have fun wherever you're going!  
  
IDontWriteIJustRead - Annie has changed her mind about Abby. She was just a little jealous but she really does like her.  
  
Carbybubbles - You said that for chapter 18 too. Hehe  
  
Jackie- Binker's gone. : ( But Annie's OK. I guess that's the important one, lol.  
  
Canard - All's well, for the moment. 


	21. Sticks and Stones

I carried Annie into Carter's apartment; her head drooped on my shoulder. I took her into her room and lay her gently on the floor. I pulled off her wet clothes and found some warm pajamas. I tucked her in and kissed her lightly on the head.  
  
I went into the living room where Carter was sprawled across the couch. "You should get out of those wet clothes," I said, sitting next to him.  
  
He said nothing. "Carter," I said sternly. "You'll catch your death."  
  
He nodded. "Yeah." He disappeared into the bedroom and returned in dry clothes. "Put this on," he said, handing me a shirt.  
  
I pulled off my wet shirt and Carter averted his eyes. I laughed softly. "It's not like you haven't seen it before," I said, crossing the room to him.  
  
"Abby . . ." he said. He put his hands out to stop me from hugging him. "Don't."  
  
"Don't what?"  
  
"Don't so this." He walked around me and sat on the couch. I followed him.  
  
I ran my hand up his leg but he pushed it away. "Put that shirt on before you freeze."  
  
I stood up and pulled the shirt over my head. It came down to my knees so I took my pants off too. "I'll sleep on the couch," Carter said. "You can have my bed."  
  
I smiled seductively. "Well, why don't we both use your bed?" I tried to cuddle up next to him but he scooted away. "Why won't you touch me? What's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing's wrong. I won't touch you because you're not my girlfriend."  
  
"I thought we settled this," I said. "I thought you forgave me."  
  
He nodded. "I did. And we're friends now. But you kissed someone else and I just can't trust you."  
  
I looked away. "I don't know what to do to make you realize that I love you," I said. "I just made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes."  
  
I curled up into myself and after a moment I felt John's hand on my back. I turned to him. He didn't say anything, just looked at me. I crawled across the couch and sat on his lap facing him. I leaned forward slowly and kissed his neck, his jaw line, and then his lips.  
  
It took me a minute but soon he was kissing me back. He ran his hands up my back and I could feel he was getting excited. I stood up and led him to the bedroom. He lay down on the bed and I followed. I pulled my shirt off, leaned over, and kissed him.  
  
He rolled me over and kissed my body lightly. I moaned softly and Carter smiled.  
  
We made love three times that night and when we were finished Carter rolled over so his back was to me. I kissed it and he flinched.  
  
I sighed. "What now?" I asked  
  
"It's nothing new," he said. "Same thing we talked about on the couch."  
  
I sat up and pulled the sheet around me. "We just had sex," I said.  
  
"And that's all it was," he said, still facing the wall. "It meant nothing."  
  
"How can you say that?" I asked. "How can you say it meant nothing?"  
  
"Because it's the truth."  
  
I pulled my knees up to my chest. "It meant something to me," I said sadly. Carter was silent.  
  
"So this is it?" I said. "For the rest of my life all I'll ever be to you is a casual fuck? I mean nothing to you? I'm nothing?"  
  
He sat up and turned to me. I could see in his eyes that he didn't mean what he was about to say but it still hurt. "You're nothing," he said. "Nothing but a casual fuck. And not even a very good one, at that."  
  
I stared at him for a moment and then got out of bed. I went into the living room and got dressed.  
  
I made sure to close the door softly behind me as I left. I didn't want to wake up Annie.  
  
Response to reviews -  
  
Maven - Nope, not a dream, real stuff.  
  
Carbylobsterandavrilfan - I agree. Carby rules!  
  
Jackie - Yes, we are all very sad about the loss of Binker. But I think Carter would be slightly more upset about losing his daughter than loosing a stuffed dog.  
  
IDontWriteIJustRead - Yeah, Carter's being pissy. Bad Carter!  
  
Canard - Kids are very resilient so she'll be OK. 


	22. Problems and Resolutions

I was standing at the elevator when I heard Carter call my name. I turned around to see him standing in the doorway, wearing only his boxers. I hesitated and then walked over to him.  
  
"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm so sorry." I waited. He reached out and gently touched my face. "You could never be nothing to me, Abby. You're everything to me. But you hurt me."  
  
I nodded. "I know." He took my hand and led me back to the bedroom. We sat down on the bed together.  
  
He pressed his lips together and then relaxed. "I'm sorry," he said again, running his hands through his hair. "I guess I'm just kinda upset about losing Binker."  
  
I wanted to laugh. "Oh, John," I said, putting my arms around him. "I'm so sorry."  
  
He saw the smile I was trying to hide and he smiled too. "It's OK," he said. "We got the most important one out of the drain."  
  
"I can't believe her favorite song is 'American Pie,'" I giggled.  
  
Carter grinned. "Yeah, she's really into classic rock," he said. "Billy Joel, Elton John, Queen, the Beatles."  
  
I giggled again. "The world's most musically aware three-year-old."  
  
"When Annie was a baby, Jessica put classical music CDs on in Annie's room to make her smarter. But I figure that it's more important for her to have a great personality so I started putting on rock music when Jess wasn't looking." His expression became serious. "Annie asked a couple days ago if her mommy loved her."  
  
I raised my eyebrows. "Quite an inquisitive child, isn't she?"  
  
Carter looked at me. "The thing is, Jessica didn't care about Annie at all. She wanted her to be smart and beautiful but she never once got up with Annie in the middle of the night. She never changed her diapers. She never held her if she could help it. She didn't even breast feed."  
  
"So what did you tell Annie?" I asked, undressing once again.  
  
"I lied," he said. "I told her that Jessica loved her very much. I told her that Jessica used to sing her to sleep. I lied to my daughter." Carter looked down at his feet.  
  
I took his hand and kissed it. "You did the right thing," I said. "She'll never know the difference."  
  
Carter lay down and I rested my head on his chest. "I know you're not her mother," he said. "But do you think you could love her? She really is such a great kid and she deserves two loving parents. Do you think you could ever love her like that?"  
  
I kissed Carter's cheek. "I think I already do," I said. "Now, listen . . . you're not planning to go back in the sewer and look for that dog, are you? Because if you are, I'm gonna have to stop you."  
  
Carter laughed. "No," he said, holding me tighter. "But sometimes I just miss Bobby so much."  
  
"We should take Annie to go and see him," I said.  
  
Carter looked at me and smiled. "I love you."  
  
***************************  
  
"Where's Abby?" Annie asked.  
  
"She's still asleep," Carter said. I smiled and rolled over in bed.  
  
"I wanna say good-bye," Annie said.  
  
"No, Annie, don't . . ." Carter tried to stop her but she came in anyway.  
  
"Hi cutie," I said as Annie came over to my side of the bed. She was wearing a little blue sailor dress with a matching blue bow in her hair.  
  
"I'm going to school," she said proudly. I noticed that her ponytail was lopsided and the hair on top of her head was sticking up.  
  
"Did Daddy do your hair?" I asked. She nodded. I undid her bow and quickly ran a brush through her sandy hair. I tied the bow back in and her hair formed one large corkscrew curl. "All better," I said.  
  
She turned around and grinned at me, her brown eyes shining. For the first time I noticed faint brown freckles across her button nose. "What time do you get off work?" Carter asked.  
  
"Um, five."  
  
"Can you pick Annie up at pre-school? I don't get off 'til ten."  
  
I nodded. Carter handed me the spare key to his apartment. He gave me a quick kiss and then turned to Annie. "Come on, baby girl," he said, extending his hand to her. She took it.  
  
"Bye-bye Abby!"  
  
*************************  
  
"I'm here for Annie Carter," I told the middle-aged woman at the pre- school. "I'm Abby Lockhart."  
  
The woman nodded. "I'm Kathy Brown. We've had a bit of trouble with Annie today."  
  
I scanned the room and saw Annie sitting in a corner, facing the wall. "What happened?" I asked.  
  
"She hit another child."  
  
"Why?"  
  
Kathy shrugged. "Don't know."  
  
"You didn't bother to ask?" I was starting not to like this woman.  
  
Kathy shook her head. "It doesn't matter. There is no excuse for violence and I will not tolerate it at my school."  
  
"There's no excuse," I said. "But there's probably a reason behind it. How long has she been in that corner?"  
  
Kathy checked her watch. "Three hours."  
  
"THREE HOURS!?!" At this point, Annie heard my voice and turned around. There were streaks down her face from where she'd been crying. "Annie, come here," I said. She ran to me and clung to my leg. I detached her, knelt down, and took both her hands in mine. "Did you hit somebody?"  
  
She hung her head. "Yeah."  
  
I lifted her chin. "Why?"  
  
She sniffed. "Matt was being mean 'cause I don't have a mommy. He said my mommy left 'cause she didn't love me."  
  
I picked her up and she buried her head in my shoulder. "I assume you'll be speaking with Matt's parents and these comments will stop?"  
  
Kathy nodded. "Yes, of course."  
  
***********************  
  
"Abby . . . Abby." Someone was shaking me. "Abby, wake up."  
  
I opened my eyes reluctantly. "Mmmmmm," I moaned. "Sleeping."  
  
Carter chuckled. "I know, baby. I just wanted to see you." He kissed my neck. "I had the worst day." He collapsed next to me.  
  
I rolled onto my side and stroked his cheek. "Poor baby," I said. "What happened?"  
  
He looked at me. "A little girl came in today. She was beautiful. Light blond hair, dark blue eyes. She was Annie's age and had obviously been beaten. I called social services and they placed her in a foster home." He paused. "I just don't understand how someone could hurt a helpless little girl. Kids are so trusting and it's so cruel to abuse that trust. This little girl loved her daddy very much . . .despite the fact that he beat her with a belt."  
  
I kissed him. "Some people just suck," I said. "It's that simple. Some people are just horrible." I kissed him again. "Like the little boy Annie got in a fight with today."  
  
Carter sat up. "Annie got in a fight?"  
  
I nodded and rested my chin in my hands. "He teased her about not having a mother. He said Jessica left because she didn't love Annie. So Annie clocked him."  
  
Carter shook his head. "I can't . . .she knows not to hit. She knows better. What's wrong with her?"  
  
"Nothing's wrong with her, Carter," I said, sitting up. "Somebody insulted her mother and Annie did the only thing she could think of to do. It was a normal reaction for a child to have. Don't punish her. She's been punished enough. When I picked her up today she was sitting in the corner and had been there for three hours."  
  
"THREE HOURS!?!" Carter bellowed.  
  
I put my finger to my mouth. "Shhh, John, you'll wake her up."  
  
He lowered his voice. "If that's how they do things at that school I'm finding another one."  
  
He stood up and took off his clothes. He climbed into bed wearing only his boxers. I grinned. "What are you so happy about?" he asked.  
  
"Nothing," I said, still grinning. "It's just that my boyfriend is incredibly sexy."  
  
Carter smiled and wrapped his arms around me. "Well aren't you just the luckiest woman in the world?"  
  
Response to reviews -  
  
CarbyFan100 - Of course Carter takes it back. He's just being your average man . . .you know, closing himself off.  
  
Jackie - Please do beat Carter up! But not this Carter. This Carter has come to his senses. Beat up the real Carter.  
  
IDontWriteIJustRead - Carter's coldness is a trait he inherited from his mother. And, although Abby has forgiven him at the moment, I'll see what I can do about having Abby "wail on his ass."  
  
Carbyfan - Don't lose interest! Carter's better now!  
  
Carbybubbles - Carby is back and Carter's stopped being a bastard.  
  
Caitlin - Mean Carter is bad. Sweet Carter is good.  
  
This was a really long chapter. So be grateful. I'm not sure when the next one will be up but hopefully it'll be soon. 


	23. Outburst

"OK, Mr. Dalton, is it?" I looked up from the chart to see a handsome man smiling at me.  
  
"Call me Mike," he said. "Are you my doctor?"  
  
I nodded. "I am. What happened?" I asked, examining the gash on his head.  
  
"Uh, I fell off the roof trying to clean out the gutters." He laughed. "Classic."  
  
I put on a pair of gloves and picked up the syringe. "I wasn't expecting to have such a beautiful doctor," he said. I ignored him. "You free tonight?" he asked. "If you are, maybe I could take you out to dinner to thank you for fixing this cut."  
  
"I'm sorry. I can't."  
  
He reached up and gently stroked my arm. I drew back. "Mr. Dalton," I said. "Please stop."  
  
****************************  
  
"Hey."  
  
Carter looked up as I walked through the door. "Hi," he said, smiling. "How was work?"  
  
I groaned and Carter laughed. "That bad, huh?"  
  
I shook my head. "It's not that," I said. "I was treating this guy and he kept hitting on me. I had to get Luka to suture him because he wouldn't stop."  
  
Carter's face tensed. "Oh," was all he said.  
  
"You're not mad, are you?"  
  
He shook his head. "Of course not," he said sarcastically. "Why would I be mad? It's not like you have a history of this sort of thing. Oh wait . . .yes you do! I seem to remember something about you kissing another guy."  
  
I slammed my hand on the table. "Could you just, for once, not bring that up?" I screamed.  
  
"Well, I feel it's a valid point on this occasion."  
  
"Nothing happened, John," I said. I only told you because I want you to trust me. Besides, it's not like I'm the only one who's made mistakes. You've made your share."  
  
"Oh, is that so?" he said. "Well, none of my mistakes involved me cheating on you, did they?"  
  
"No, but you left me to go to Africa where you almost got yourself killed, you got engaged to a woman you didn't love, got her pregnant, and then left me again! Not to mention your little drug problem."  
  
Carter was fuming. "People make mistakes," he shouted.  
  
"My point exactly," I yelled back.  
  
"Goddamn it, Abby. What the hell do you want from me?"  
  
"I want you to love me. But you can't open up to anyone, can you? You accuse me of being closed off but so are you. You never tell me what you're thinking or feeling. You just expect me to know. And then when I don't you get angry and close yourself off even more."  
  
Carter just stared at the floor. "I can't be here right now," I said and left. I stood by the elevator waiting for him to come out and apologize like last time but he didn't. The elevator doors opened and I got on.  
  
******************************  
  
I got up the next morning and reluctantly when off to work. Carter was just leaving as I arrived. He avoided meeting my eyes as we passed each other in the ambulance bay. But then, when I got home, there was a single red rose sitting outside my door on top of a note.  
  
I picked it up and unfolded the note. I recognized John's handwriting at once.  
  
'Sorry I've been such an ass. Meet me outside the  
ice skating rink at 8:00.  
Love,  
John  
P.S. I would have bought you a dead rose but nobody sells  
them that way.'  
  
The last part made me smile. I took the rose inside and hung it over the sink so that it would dry out. Meet him outside the ice skating rink? What was he planning? Whatever it was, it had better be good.  
  
Response to reviews -  
  
ER-Carby-Luva - I'm glad you're so enthusiastic about my fic. It makes me want to write more.  
  
Carbybubbles - Carter was being nice. . .but Abby's become fed up and who can blame her? But don't worry. They always comes to his senses . . .and eventually, they stay there.  
  
Canard - Annie is spunky, to say the least. Her character really starts to show in chapter 25, I think.  
  
CarbyFan100 - Annie might start calling Abby mommy later on but I think that it's a bit too soon. Although . . . there is a little girl who calls me mama despite the fact that she does actually have a mother. Kids are weird. 


	24. Ice

"What's going on?" I asked as I walked up to Carter. He was standing outside the ice skating rink like he said he would be.  
  
He just smiled at me. "First things first," he said. He took my hand. "I'm sorry," he said. "And will never again bring up that kiss." He rubbed his thumb over the back of my hand. "I'll open up to you. I promise."  
  
I moved closer to him. "Starting now?"  
  
"Starting right now. As soon as we walk through that door." He nodded his head towards the ice skating rink. "You ready?"  
  
"I am," I said. "I don't if you are though. You're shaking like a leaf."  
  
Carter smiled. "I'll be OK. Let's go."  
  
As soon as we walked through the door I knew something was up. "Why's it so dark?" I asked. "And quiet. There's nobody here." I stopped. "John, what's going on?"  
  
Carter turned around and grinned at me. "You'll see."  
  
I hesitantly followed him into the main room. Oh my god . . ." I gasped. There were no lights on but the room glowed. Thousands of candles were lit around the outside of the rink. "Oh John," I breathed.  
  
There were rose petals scattered all over the ice. Carter disappeared into a little booth and "Inspiration" by 'Chicago' softly filled the room. Carter took my hand and led me to the center of the ice.  
  
When we got there Carter got down on one knee and took my hand. "I love you so much," he said.  
  
I could feel tears running down my face but I wasn't aware of crying.  
  
"I know I can't live without you. And I don't want to try. So . . ." he took a small black box out of his pocket. He flicked it open and revealed a simple diamond on a simple white gold band. "Abigail Lockhart . . . will you marry me?"  
  
I started to shake. I opened my mouth to answer but I couldn't. I just stood there shaking and crying.  
  
Carter stood up and rubbed my upper arms. Then he kissed each of my cheeks. "It's OK," he whispered, pulling me into his arms. "Don't cry."  
  
I stepped back slightly and smiled. "Is this real?"  
  
Carter smiled. "Yeah. It's real."  
  
I took the box from Carter's hand and studied the ring. "It's beautiful," I said. "Classically beautiful."  
  
Carter brushed a strand of hair out of my face. "Like you," he said.  
  
I playfully smacked him on the arm. "You're such a suck-up."  
  
"So what do you say?" Carter said, putting his hands on my waist and pulling me close again.  
  
I swallowed and looked down at my feet. "I don't know," I said. "It's complicated. It's . . .it's complicated."  
  
"Complicated?"  
  
"There's Annie and . . . other stuff," I said. "John, this whole thing is beautiful. I'm touched, really . . ."  
  
Carter backed away from me. "Right," he said curtly.  
  
I walked towards him. "I'm not saying no," I said. "There's just a lot to think about. I mean, I'd be a stepmother and I'm not sure I'm ready for that. I'm not sure I'm what Annie needs. We need to think about Annie."  
  
A thought occurred to me then. "Is this just . . . is this just to prove that you're opening up?" I asked. "You don't really want to marry me, do you?"  
  
Carter was dumbfounded. "How can you say that? How can you even think that?" He looked genuinely hurt. "I've already been married to one woman I didn't really love. I'm not gonna make the same mistake again. I asked you because I want to marry you."  
  
"I'm sorry," I said. Then I smiled. "I will marry you one day. But I don't know if I'm ready right now."  
  
He kissed me. "Stay right there," he said. He ran across the ice and back into the little booth. This time "All My Life" by K.C. and Jo Jo started to play. Carter ran back onto the ice, slipped, and fell right on his ass. I laughed and went to help him up. "If you can stop laughing for a second," he said. "I would be honoured if you would dance with me."  
  
I smiled and took Carter's outstretched hands. He spun me around and then into his arms. We danced together until the last candle faded away. 


	25. MerryGoRound

"What's taking so long?" Carter hollered through the bathroom door.  
  
"I'm almost ready," I said.  
  
"Les go, les go, les go!" Annie whined. I opened the door. Annie rolled her eyes. "Finally!" she said.  
  
I laughed. "Keep your shirt on, pip-squeak." I'd never seen her look cuter. She was wearing a red checked shirt, a little denim skirt, red boots, and I'd put her hair in two pigtail braids. She decided she wanted to be a cowgirl for the day. Carter and I decided to take her to a carnival. Her first carnival.  
  
*************************  
  
"Let's go on that!" Annie said, pointing to one of those ridiculous upside down spinning rides.  
  
I shook my head. "No way," I said. "You are not getting me on that thing."  
  
Annie took Carter's hand and dragged him over to the ride. Carter looked over his shoulder at me. "I'm starting to think that eating that funnel cake was a mistake," he said.  
  
I grinned. "I'll be waiting right here," I said. "With a barf bag."  
  
**************************  
  
"Uhhhhhh," Carter moaned.  
  
Annie giggled. "Daddy didn't like the ride," she said. "But I did. I wanna go again."  
  
"Well, I don't think you're gonna get your father back on that thing," I said, lightly pulling on one of Annie's pigtails.  
  
"You take me, Abby?" She looked up at me with the puppy-dog eyes she'd inherited from her father.  
  
"Nope. Not a chance. I don't wanna wind up like him," I gestured to Carter who was doubled over on a bench.  
  
"I go by myself?"  
  
"No." Carter had straightened up. "No."  
  
"But I wanna go on more rides," Annie said.  
  
"I'll take you on that." I pointed to the merry-go-round.  
  
Annie sighed with exasperation. "Fine," she said, marching over to it with her hands on her hips.  
  
"She's something else," I said as Carter and I followed her to the merry-go- round.  
  
Carter nodded. "She sure is."  
  
"You gonna be OK on this thing or do you think you'll lose your lunch?"  
  
Carter shot me a critical look. "I can ride the merry-go-round," he said. "I'm not a pansy."  
  
I giggled. "You could have fooled me."  
  
Carter knocked into me with his shoulder. "Shut up," he said, laughing.  
  
"Are you COMING!?!" Annie shouted from the merry-go-round.  
  
I ran to her and picked her up. "Have patience, my child," I said.  
  
"You're weird," she said.  
  
"Yeah," Carter said, putting his arm around me. "And you sound like a priest."  
  
************************  
  
"That was quick," I said.  
  
"What was quick?" Carter asked.  
  
"She's asleep already." We'd been in the car for five minutes and Annie was out like light.  
  
Carter sighed. "I wanted to take her . . .nevermind."  
  
"No, tell me," I said.  
  
Carter shook his head. "We'll just do it some other time."  
  
"We can do it now," I said. "It's only 5:30. If we don't wake her up she won't sleep through the night."  
  
Carter nodded. "OK," he said and changed direction.  
  
******************************  
  
"Daddy, where are we?" Annie asked, yawning.  
  
"You'll see," he said.  
  
Even I didn't have a clue where we were. "Carter, I can't see a thing," I said, tripping over what I assumed was a rock. We had driven for two hours and had finally arrived at out destination . . .which appeared to be the middle of nowhere.  
  
Carter reached back and took my hand. "Just a little further," he said. He had a flashlight but, for some strange reason, had not turned it on yet.  
  
"Here," he said. "Right here."  
  
I stood beside him, Annie falling asleep again in my arms. I jostled her a little to keep her awake. I looked expectantly at Carter. He looked at me and gave me a weak smile. Then he turned on the flashlight.  
  
Response to reviews -  
  
Vkh214 - They weren't really ice skating though. They didn't have on skates.  
  
Carbylobsterandavrilfan - I'm glad you love it. I love writing it!  
  
Jackie - Carter's gonna be good for now. Not sure what will happen later.  
  
Vkh214 - I'm with you . . .but Abby didn't really want to ruin the moment.  
  
Carbylobsterandavrilfan - Eh, promise rings have been done. It's so cliché.  
  
IDontWriteIJustRead - Yeah, Abby is right. But she'll get another chance.  
  
Carbybubbles - There was an episode in season 9, I think, where Carter brought Abby some flowers and found out she preferred dried ones to fresh ones.  
  
ER-Carby-Luva - I can't even stand to watch ER anymore. It makes me too sad. But this is happy . . .as you can tell!  
  
AbbyLockhart2 - I'm glad you've started to read and I'm glad you like it.  
  
AbbyLockhart2 - I'm flattered that you have no criticism to give. I've been reading your fic that you wrote with kattybaby2318 and I love it. So for you to say that you love my fic is really flattering. Thank you! 


	26. Reminiscing

Author's Note - OK, I have to tell you that I know very little about Carter's past. Therefore, if this chapter contains incorrect information (which it probably will) feel free to let me know the correct info. Thanks! Oh, and all the stories Carter tells in this chapter all actually happened to my dad when he was a kid.  
  
The beam from the flashlight fell on a marble gravestone. I glanced around. We were surrounded by gravestones. "What does it say?" Annie asked, staring at the stone in front of us.  
  
"Robert Ferguson Carter," I read. "1968 - 1979. Beloved son and brother." I looked up at Carter who was staring intently at the gravestone. "It's Bobby," I whispered. Then louder, "It's your Uncle Bobby, Annie."  
  
Annie wiggled out of my arms and sat at the head of the grave, right in front of Bobby's tombstone. She placed her little hand palm down on the grass. "Hi, Bobby," she said.  
  
I reached out and took Carter's hand. Annie looked up at us. "Did I know Uncle Bobby?"  
  
Carter shook his head. "No. He died before you were born."  
  
Annie nodded. Carter let go of my hand and sat down next to Annie. "You wanna hear a story about me and Uncle Bobby?"  
  
Annie grinned. "Yeah!" She looked over at me. "Come sit down, Abby." So I sat.  
  
"OK . . .one time when Bobby was nine and I was seven, we were in the kitchen and we got really hungry. So Bobby opened the fridge and pulled out what looked like a hunk of cheese. We started to eat it and it tasted a little funny but we were so hungry we didn't care. We finished the whole thing. A few minutes later Mom came in, opened the refrigerator and said, 'who ate the pound of butter?'" I burst out laughing.  
  
Annie smiled. "You ate all that butter, Daddy?"  
  
Carter nodded. "Yeah. We were sick all the next day."  
  
"Tell another one, Daddy," Annie chirped, climbing into his lap.  
  
Carter thought for a minute. "Oh, here's a good one. When I was three- years-old Bobby and I were playing outside and we found a pair of gardening shears in a flower bed."  
  
"What are gardening shears?" Annie asked.  
  
"Like really really big scissors you use to cut bushes. Anyway, so Bobby took the shears and decided it would be a good idea to cut my hair with them. He cut almost all my hair off." Carter was smiling at the memory of his brother. "And then," he said, grinning. "A few years later we wanted to play 'ghosts.' So we got these sheets from the closet and Bobby cut eyeholes in them. We ran around the house pretending to be ghosts until Mom screamed. We thought we'd scared her but she was just mad because Bobby had cut holes in her brand new $300 designer sheets."  
  
Annie giggled and then yawned. "I'm hungry, Daddy."  
  
Carter stood up and put Annie on his shoulders. She grabbed his hair. "I saw a McDonald's a little ways back. You want chicken nuggets?"  
  
"Yay!" Annie cried. "Nuggets!"  
  
***********************  
  
"Um, one Happy Meal with chicken nuggets, a Big Mac with medium fries, a chicken sandwich with small fries, a small chocolate shake, a large chocolate shake, and a large vanilla shake."  
  
I stuck my hand into my purse as Carter drove the jeep around to the window. "What are you doing?"  
  
"Getting out my wallet," I said. "You paid for the carnival so I thought I'd pay for dinner."  
  
Carter shook his head. "Don't worry about it," he said, reaching for his own wallet. I rolled my eyes and put my money away.  
  
Annie reached eagerly for her nuggets and milkshake. They kept her occupied for most of the ride home. When she finished she asked, "Can we go visit Mommy?"  
  
"Uh, well, not right now, sweetie," Carter said. "It's late."  
  
"Tomorrow?"  
  
"No, not tomorrow. You have to go to school tomorrow."  
  
"When?"  
  
"Sweetie," Carter said. "Mommy is very far away. She's in Boston. I'll take you to see her, I promise. But you have to wait awhile."  
  
Annie sighed. "I hate school," she said.  
  
"Why?" I asked.  
  
"Because everyone's mean to me."  
  
"Mean to you?" I turned around in my seat.  
  
Annie nodded. "They're mean 'cause I don't have a mommy."  
  
"How do they know you don't have a mommy?" Carter asked, glancing at Annie in his rear view mirror.  
  
"The teacher told them. She said they have to be nice to me 'cause my mommy's dead."  
  
Carter rolled his eyes. "I'm finding her a new school," he said.  
  
"That won't change the fact that she doesn't have a mother," I said.  
  
"I'll put you as her mother on the little form thingy," he said.  
  
"Abby be my mommy?" Annie asked.  
  
"Only on paper," Carter said. "So that no one's mean to you."  
  
"Oh." Annie sounded disappointed.  
  
"Do you want Abby to be your mommy?" Carter asked.  
  
"Uh - huh," Annie said.  
  
Carter looked at me and raised his eyebrows. "I can be your mommy," I said.  
  
"Do I have to call you mommy?" Annie asked. "'Cause I might get confused."  
  
I laughed and shook my head. "No, you can still call me Abby."  
  
"No, something else," Annie said.  
  
Carter started to list several things Annie could call me. "Mom, mama, ma, mother, maya, ummi . . ."  
  
I interrupted him. "What on earth were those last two?"  
  
Carter smiled. "They mean mother in different languages."  
  
I rolled my eyes. "I'll come up with something. Just give me a min."  
  
"Mim?" Annie said.  
  
I laughed. "Min. It means minute."  
  
Annie shook her head. "Mim," she said. "You're my mim."  
  
Response to reviews -  
  
Vkh214 - Laughter is good. I hope you're still enjoying the fic.  
  
AbbyLockhart2 - Thanks for the support! And I'm glad you didn't know where they were. I wanted it to be a surprise.  
  
ER-Carby-Luva - Happiness is good. I like being happy.  
  
ER-Carby-Luva (Ties That Bind) - I actually kinda thought that was the end of that fic. Plus I got bored with it.  
  
Carbyfan - You're the only person to figure it out! Good job! 


	27. Missing

"Mim," Carter said, crawling into bed.  
  
"Uh-uh," I said. "Only Annie gets to call me that, not you."  
  
Carter laughed and slid his arm under my neck. "You don't mind, do you?" he asked. "If you do, I can tell her not to . . ."  
  
I shook my head and then rested it on his chest. "I like it," I told him. "It's sweet."  
  
We lay there together for awhile and I had almost drifted off to sleep when I heard a loud crash. Carter was on his feet before I could even register what I'd heard. "Annie!" Carter called, frantically. I followed him to her bedroom. Her window was open, her bedclothes were thrown back, and her bedside table had been knocked over, a framed picture of Jessica lay on the floor, glass smashed.  
  
"Call the police," Carter instructed as he bolted out the front door.  
  
I picked up the phone and, in a trance, dialled 9-1-1. "Hello, do you have an emergency?" the woman on the phone asked.  
  
"Yes, um, my . . ." My what? What was Annie? My boyfriend's daughter? She was more than that to me. "My daughter's gone."  
  
"How long has she been missing?" the nasal voice asked.  
  
"About two minutes," I said.  
  
"Ma'am, we don't investigate missing persons until at least . . ."  
  
"No, you don't understand," I interrupted. "She's three-years-old and was taken from her bedroom."  
  
The dispatcher took my name, Carter's name, Annie's name, and our address. "We'll send some police immediately, Ms. Lockhart."  
  
I hung up the phone and Carter opened the door. "Nothing," he said. "Didn't see anything."  
  
"The police are coming," I said. Carter nodded and went into the kitchen and started pawing through everything.  
  
"What are you doing?" I asked, trying to stop crying.  
  
"Looking for a ransom note." After a minute he gave up and sat down on the couch, his head in his hands. I sat next to him. "What are we gonna do?" he asked, his voice breaking.  
  
"We're gonna get her back," I said, trying to convince myself. There was a loud knock at the door. It was the police. I let them in and they asked all the questions that the cops in the movies did.  
  
Carter showed one of them, a tall thin man with a beard, to Annie's bedroom and gave him a recent photo of Annie while I watched the other one, a dumpy blond woman, attach a recording device to the phone. Carter and the tall cop came into the living room. "There will almost certainly be a ransom demand," the cop was saying. "Usually cases like these are solved within 48 hours."  
  
Carter swallowed. The phone rang. The dumpy cop nodded for me to answer it. "Hello?" I said shakily.  
  
"Abby?" A familiar voice filled the room through the recorder. "How could you not tell me about Annie?"  
  
"Jake?" It was Jake. The bastard who beat me up. He took Annie.  
  
"How could you not tell me that I have a daughter?" he snarled.  
  
"Jake . . ."  
  
"You knew how much I wanted a kid."  
  
"Jake . . ."  
  
"And you gave her that asshole Carter's name!"  
  
"JAKE!" He stopped. "She's not yours. She's not even really mine."  
  
"What?" Jake asked.  
  
"She's Carter's. His and Jessica's. We can do a DNA test if you don't believe me."  
  
There was silence for a minute. "That Carter . . .he's rich, right?"  
  
I hesitated. But Carter motioned for me to say yes. "Yes," I said.  
  
"How rich?" Jake asked.  
  
"I don't know," I said, massaging my temple.  
  
"Bring $5 million in cash to the old warehouse on Buxton Street in 24 hours. Just you. No one else."  
  
"I wanna know if she's safe," I said. "Let me talk to Annie."  
  
Jake sighed and then I heard a small, scared voice say, "Mim?"  
  
Fresh tears streamed down my face. "Hey baby," I said. "You're gonna be OK."  
  
I heard a scuffle, a squeal of pain, and a slap. "Bring the money tomorrow if you wanna see her again." He hung up.  
  
****************************  
  
"I don't like this," I said. I stared at the brown suitcase in my lap.  
  
"We had no choice," Carter said. "They had to come. We got them involved." He was referring to the police. They had surrounded the building. Carter had been given a walkie-talkie to contact them once Annie and I were safely back in the jeep.  
  
I took a deep breath and opened the door. "Abby, wait." Carter pulled me back and kissed me. "It'll be OK."  
  
I walked towards the building, the suitcase clutched tightly in my hands. "Jake?" I called softly. "I have the money." No answer. "Jake?"  
  
Response to reviews -  
  
ER - Carby - Luva - I probably won't get bored with this one. I usually only give up when people start insulting me.  
  
Hyperpiper91 - Thanks!  
  
Carbylobsterandavrilfan - Here ya go!  
  
Vkh214 - Annie's great, isn't she? Those stories are all things my dad has done.  
  
Jasonsgurl07 - I saw a movie where a little girl called her aunt "mim" and I thought it was so cute that I used it!  
  
LoopyLu1 - Yay!  
  
AbbyLockhart2 - Rambling is good. As is carbyness.  
  
Jackie - More is coming soon! 


	28. Bound and Broken

I glanced nervously over my shoulder at the jeep and then went into the building. It was pitch black. There was that distinct, thick, damp, musty smell of old buildings. The air itself seemed to be saturated with the smell.  
  
"Jake?" I called again.  
  
"You think you could shout a little louder, Abby?" Jake asked, appearing from around a dark corner. "I think there's a cop in Manhattan who didn't hear you."  
  
I walked cautiously towards him, holding the briefcase in front of me at arms length. "Here," I said. "I got the money."  
  
He took it and set in on a rickety table. "Where's Annie?" I asked.  
  
Jake shook his head. "Gotta count it first. Make sure it's all here."  
  
I glanced at the door. I didn't want Carter to freak and send in the police while Annie and I were still inside. Jake had opened the case and was carefully counting the bundles of bills. I crossed my arms. "When'd you get out of jail?" I asked casually.  
  
"Two weeks ago," he said, still counting. "I was gonna drop in on you, see how you were, and I saw you with Carter and the little girl."  
  
"You were gonna drop in on me?" I asked, horrified. "Why would you think you were welcome?"  
  
Jake looked up. "I'm not?"  
  
I rolled my eyes. "You beat me up, broke my arm, kidnapped Annie . . .but yeah, sure, stop by for a cup of coffee."  
  
Jake frowned. "I thought she was mine," he said. "I was excited. I got all worked up thinking about what it'd be like to have a little girl to spoil rotten."  
  
"Yeah, and beat the shit out of," I muttered. "Oh, shit," I said. "Jake, you didn't . . .touch her, did you?"  
  
Jake grinned at me, a slightly psychotic and completely sadistic grin. "Oh ye of little faith."  
  
I wasn't sure if that was a yes or no but it creeped me out anyway. After what felt like hours Jake was satisfied that we hadn't tried to screw him over. He was wrong. I mean, there was exactly five million dollars in the case but the police were waiting outside so we were technically screwing him over.  
  
"Where's Annie?" I asked.  
  
Jake bent down and lifted a trap door. There was a staircase leading into what was once a basement and was probably now a rat infested hole. "Come on, kid," he said harshly.  
  
Annie bolted up the stairs and flung herself at me. Her hair was matted and her face was covered in dirt and blood. "Mim," she said. "Mim, Mim," over and over again.  
  
I scooped her up and ran out the door to the jeep. Carter picked up the walkie-talkie as I opened the door. "We've got her," he said.  
  
I climbed in and we watched about ten policemen storm into the warehouse. I handed Annie over to Carter and he enveloped her in his arms. No one said anything until one of the policemen approached the car. Carter rolled down his window.  
  
"We have him in custody," the cop said. Then he held up the suitcase. "And we retrieved your money."  
  
Carter shook his head. "Keep it," he said.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Does the Chicago police force except donations?" Carter asked.  
  
The police officer nodded, dumbfounded. "But that's five million dollars," he said.  
  
Carter shrugged, staring intently at his daughter. "She's worth a thousand times that," he said, gently running his hand over her head. Then he looked at the officer. "Think of it as a thank you for all your help."  
  
The officer nodded. "Just doing our job," he said and then practically skipped off to tell the others of Carter's generous gift.  
  
Annie looked up at Carter. "I was scared, Daddy," she said, burrowing herself in Carter's jacket.  
  
"We should take her to the hospital, John," I said.  
  
"Why? Is anything broken?" He started to examine Annie.  
  
"I don't think so," I said. "But we should go get her . . .checked out. I think Jake might have . . .you know."  
  
Carter stared at me as though I were the anti-Christ. "Not possible," he said.  
  
I touched his arm. "John . . ."  
  
He sighed and passed Annie back over to me so he could drive. "Fine," he said. "But you better be wrong."  
  
Response to reviews -  
  
Vkh214 - Yeah, I had to bring him back. He's evil.  
  
Hyperpiper91 - Really good? Thanks!  
  
ER-Carby-Luva - He was gone. But now he's back.  
  
AbbyLockhart2 - Has anyone ever told you that you're weird? But in a good way . . .  
  
Jackie - Annie is OK. Well, she's physically OK.  
  
Aaron - * gasp * A boy? Really!?! Oh, I'm so happy. Unless you're a girl and I've just insulted you. Oops. Anyway, yeah, Jake sucks.  
  
Caitlin - I'm glad you like it so much. 


	29. Picking up the Pieces

"I can't believe this," Carter said. He was staring at Annie from the other side of the door. "Should I be in there?"  
  
"Do you want to be in there?" I asked, knowing the answer would be no. No father would want to be in the room while someone was doing a rape kit on their daughter. And that's was Susan was doing. I rubbed Carter's back.  
  
"This shouldn't have happened," he said. "She doesn't deserve this. She . . ." Carter broke down and started to cry. I pulled him in to a hug. He let me hold him for a moment and then pulled away. "I can't believe I let this happen."  
  
"John, this isn't your fault. This is no one's fault."  
  
Carter's expression changed from despair to anger. "It's your fault," he said. "You dated that bastard."  
  
I didn't say anything. He was upset, he didn't mean it.  
  
But Carter wasn't finished. "I can't believe you're stupid enough to date someone who'd do this to a little girl. How could you not have known . . ."  
  
"I'm not fucking Nostradamous, Carter," I spat. "I never could have known he'd do this."  
  
"There had to be some indication that he was psychotic!" Carter yelled.  
  
Susan opened the door. "Can I talk to you?"  
  
I started to follow her but Carter stopped me.  
  
"Not you," he said. "Family only."  
  
I stopped, my mouth hanging open. He'd taken it one step too far. But I consoled myself by going to see Annie. "Hey kiddo," I said, taking a seat next to her. "How ya doin'?"  
  
"OK, I guess," Annie said. "Susan had to do a test."  
  
"I know." I paused and looked at her face. Her beautiful face was bruised and swollen. She had a black eye, a fat lip, and a cut across her forehead. "Annie," I said, turning to face her. "You have been so brave," I said. "You've been so very brave. But you might have to be brave for a little while longer, OK?"  
  
"Is that bad man coming back?" Annie asked, terror filling her chocolate brown eyes.  
  
"No, no, of course not," I said. "You're safe now. I'm gonna do everything I can to make sure that no one ever hurts you again."  
  
Annie nodded and rested back on her pillow. "Where's Daddy?" she asked.  
  
"Talking to Susan," I said.  
  
"Daddy!" Annie said, as Carter came in, shooting me a nasty look. I rolled my eyes.  
  
"Hey baby," he said, giving her a weak smile. "You doing OK?"  
  
"Yes," she said. "Mim made me feel better."  
  
I was given another nasty look from Carter. "Look, baby, I need to explain something to you," Carter said.  
  
"John, wait," I said, standing up. I pulled him out of the room.  
  
"What did Susan tell you?" I asked.  
  
He pulled his arm from my grasp. "Nothing that concerns you," he said.  
  
"Don't push me away because you feel bad," I said. "I feel bad too but I know that it's not my fault. And it's not your fault either."  
  
Carter looked at the floor. "He didn't rape her."  
  
"Oh thank God," I said, taking my first deep breath in over 24 hours.  
  
Carter nodded. "That's what I said."  
  
"So then . . .what were you gonna explain to her?" I asked, slowly working my way closer to Carter.  
  
"I was going to explain what could have happened. I never thought about it before now. I mean, I always told her not to talk to strangers, and not to take anything they give you but I never told her what to do if somebody hurts her. I never told her that it's OK to tell me. That she HAS to tell me."  
  
I bit my bottom lip. "You should tell her that," I said. "But not right now. Give it a week or so. Let her recover a little bit."  
  
"You're probably right," Carter said. He tentatively reached for my hand. I gave it to him. "I'm sorry," he said. "I know it's not your fault."  
  
I smiled. "You're forgiven," I said, kissing him lightly. "Now let's get that little one home and to bed."  
  
Response to reviews -  
  
Carbybubbles - Forever and ever? That's a really long time.  
  
Hyperpiper91 - Yay! More is on the way.  
  
Carbyfan - Are you psychic or something?  
  
Kattybaby2318 (chapter 5) - I'm so glad you're reading my fic! Yay! Be honest, OK?  
  
Kattybaby2318 (chapter 7) - Well. . . he did seem like a nice guy. But then again, Ted Bundy seemed like a nice guy. So ya never know.  
  
Kattybaby2318 (chapter 21) - Yeah, Jake is a poo-poo head.  
  
Aaron - I'm not sure Jake should die. He should be made to live a long life with the knowledge that he hurt a little girl for no reason. 


	30. Feeling Black

"I found Annie a new school," Carter said. "It's actually closer to home than the other one."  
  
I looked up from my position in Carter's arms. We'd been working opposite shifts for the past week and hadn't seen each other at all. "When does she start?" I asked.  
  
"She already did," he said, pulling me over so that I was practically on top of him.  
  
"There's a parent's evening tomorrow. Will you . . ."  
  
"Go with you?" I finished, kissing him. "Of course."  
  
********************************  
  
"Look, look!" Annie said, dragging Carter and me across the room. Everything in the room gave me a good feeling. Much better than that last place she was in. Everything there was adult-sized. Everything here was just the right size for a child.  
  
"I have my own cubbie," Annie said, proudly pointing to a green box in a series of boxes. "And, look!" Annie dragged us to a bulletin board covered in crudely drawn pictures. "That's us," she said, pointing to a picture near the bottom. "That's Daddy, that's me, and that's Mim."  
  
"What's that?" I asked, pointing to a yellow haze with wings in the corner of Annie's drawing.  
  
"Mommy," Annie said. "She's watching over us."  
  
I glanced at Carter, expecting to see him grinning but he was studying the picture. "Annie," he said. I could hear concern in his voice. "Why is your hair black in the picture?"  
  
I looked and, sure enough, a black-haired Annie was standing in- between the stick-figure drawings of Carter and me. But not only was her hair black, her clothes were black, and her face was black.  
  
Annie looked gravely from me to Carter. "That's how I feel," she said.  
  
"What's how you feel?" I asked.  
  
"I feel black." Annie walked away from us and over to a box of legos.  
  
I looked at Carter. "What do you think that's about?"  
  
Carter just shrugged. "I dunno. We should talk to her teacher, see if she's noticed anything."  
  
I followed Carter over to the young woman at the front of the classroom. "Hello," she said brightly. "You must be Annie's parents. I'm Judy Gale."  
  
"Nice to meet you," Carter said.  
  
"Annie is a wonderfully bright child," Judy said.  
  
"Thanks," Carter said, giving Judy a genuine smile.  
  
"I'm actually quite curious," Judy said turning to me. "Why Annie calls you mim."  
  
"It's a name she made up," I said. "She didn't want to call me mommy because that's how she refers to her real mother."  
  
"Oh," Judy said, clearly shocked. "I wasn't aware that you weren't . . ."  
  
"Listen," Carter interrupted. "We were just looking at the drawing Annie did of our family and we're slightly worried that Annie drew herself so . . . so dark."  
  
Judy nodded. "From what I understand, Annie's had quite an episode a few weeks ago. It's normal for children to use darker colors when they've been upset."  
  
"But why was it just her that was black? And she said that she feels black," I said, looking over at Annie. She was sitting with a couple of other kids, playing with legos. "She feels black."  
  
"Perhaps it would be beneficial for Annie to see a psychiatrist," Judy said gently.  
  
Carter frowned and looked at me. "Worth a shot, right?"  
  
Response to reviews -  
  
Aaron - Why thank you! I think that's maybe a strong word to use but if you say so . . .  
  
Carbyfan - Yeah, Carter got over his little episode there.  
  
Fanfictionfanatic - Thank. I don't know what else to say. I'm flattered you like it so much.  
  
Kayla - Well, I thought Carter should treat her like crap to make up for Abby treating him like crap on the show. And thanks for saying this fic is one of the best you've read. That made my day.  
  
Kattybaby2318 - There will be more angst, don't worry. 


	31. Talking it Through

Author's Note - I know this fic has been focused on Annie lately but that's about to stop. We're going back to Abby and Carter after this chapter.  
  
"Hello, Annie. My name is Dr. Gibson. How are you?" We were in a comfortable office talking to a woman in her mid-thirties with auburn hair.  
  
Annie shrugged. "OK, I guess."  
  
Carter and I were sitting together on a sofa and Annie was sitting in a tiny armchair. Dr. Gibson held up Annie's drawing. "Your parents said you feel black," she said. "Why?"  
  
"Because of the bad man," Annie said. "What the bad man did. He made me dirty."  
  
I clenched my fists and bit my lower lip to keep from crying. "The bad man?" Dr. Gibson asked.  
  
Annie nodded. "The one who took me away from Daddy and Mim."  
  
"Annie, why don't you go into the next room for a few minutes and you can play with all the toys in there, OK?"  
  
Annie didn't need to be told twice. She had very little interest in talking to some strange woman about Jake. "Is this some dream she had or something she made up?" Dr. Gibson asked once Annie was gone.  
  
Carter shook his head. "No. She was kidnapped about a month ago. She was gone for 24 hours."  
  
"Had she been raped?"  
  
This question clearly upset Carter but he composed himself and said, "there was no evidence of rape. But that doesn't mean that . . .he didn't do other things."  
  
"Have you asked her what happened?"  
  
"No," I said. "Should we? Would she be able to tell us? I mean she doesn't understand . . ."  
  
Dr. Gibson nodded patiently. "She'll be able to tell you somehow. And I assume you've told her that it wasn't her fault?"  
  
Something inside me burst. How could we have not told her that? We were so concerned about not blaming ourselves that we didn't even think that Annie would be blaming herself too. "No," I said quietly.  
  
"You both need to tell her that. But I think it would be best if she hears it from one of you first, instead of both at once. Who do you think it would mean more for Annie to hear you say it?"  
  
I looked at Carter. "You?" I said. "You're her daddy." Then I smiled. "And she's a daddy's girl."  
  
Dr. Gibson stood up and called Annie back into the room. Carter held out his arms to her and placed her on his knee. "Annie, what that bad man did to you . . .it's not your fault. You are a very good little girl and Mim and I love you so much. Do you understand? You didn't do anything wrong. It's not your fault."  
  
Annie nodded and tears filled her eyes. "He said I was naughty. He said I was bad and he had to punish me. He said Mim was bad too."  
  
Carter lifted Annie's chin so that she was looking at him. "He's wrong," he said. "You weren't bad. Mim wasn't bad. He was the only bad one."  
  
"If I'm not bad, why did he make me dirty?"  
  
"Annie," Dr. Gibson said. Annie turned to look at her. "What do you mean, 'made you dirty?' What did he do?"  
  
Annie hung her head. "He took of my clothes," she said.  
  
I put my hand to my face and turned away so Annie wouldn't see me cry. "Then what, Annie?" Dr. Gibson asked.  
  
I stood up. "I have to go," I said. I couldn't stand to listen to this. It broke my heart.  
  
"Mim, don't leave!" Annie cried. "Mim, please."  
  
I looked at her, the tears on her face matching mine. "All right," I said. "I won't leave."  
  
"Then what?" Dr. Gibson prompted.  
  
"He touched my pee-pee," Annie whispered. I swallowed a sob. "He kissed my face and licked the inside of my mouth."  
  
I couldn't even look at Annie. I knew if I looked at her I'd see shame in her eyes and I couldn't bear that. She didn't deserve this. And worst of all, Jake had made her feel that it was her fault. "That made you feel dirty?" Dr. Gibson asked.  
  
"Yeah," Annie said.  
  
"But Annie," she said. "He's the dirty one. He hurt you and he touched you in a bad way. He's dirty, you're not."  
  
I felt a small hand on my arm. "Mim?" I looked over at Annie. "Don't cry."  
  
This, of course, made me cry even harder.  
  
*********************************  
  
We made another appointment with Dr. Gibson for Annie and then walked back to Carter's apartment. Carter took my hand and Annie skipped in front of us. "She'll be OK, right?" I asked. "I mean, her life isn't ruined because of this, is it?"  
  
Carter shook his head. "I hope not. Annie! Don't go in the street, please!"  
  
Annie skipped back to us. "Can we go to the park?"  
  
"Not right now, butter bean. It's almost dinner time and I think Abby and I are gonna go out." Carter looked at me. "Dinner and a movie?" he asked.  
  
I shook my head. "Dinner and dancing."  
  
Response to reviews -  
  
Board-monkey - Longer chapters? I'll try.  
  
Carbylobsterandavrilfan - Annie will be all right.  
  
Hyperpiper91 - Thanks! I do my best.  
  
Aaron - WOW! What a compliment. Thank you so much!  
  
Vkh218 - It helped me too. 


	32. Saying Yes

"I'm surprised you wanted to go out tonight after everything that we found out today," I said, twirling fetticini alfredo around my fork.  
  
"I figured we could use some time for ourselves," Carter said, ignoring his veal parmesan and completely focusing on me.  
  
"We haven't really been alone together except at night," I said. "And then we're both just so tired all we want to do is sleep." I grinned.  
  
"We can do that differently tonight," Carter said, grinning back. I looked over at the dance floor and then back at Carter. He got the message. He stood up and offered me his hand. "Would you like to dance?"  
  
"I would, indeed."  
  
*************************  
  
"Have you thought anymore about marriage?" Carter asked. We were lying in bed, relaxing after the most amazing sex.  
  
I nodded and yawned. "I have," I said. "And I will." I rolled over onto my side. "I will marry you. But I want to say yes at the ice skating rink with all those rose petals."  
  
Carter laughed softly. "You had your chance," he said. "So this will have to do."  
  
"But it's so unromantic," I whined. Carter stood up and lit a candle and then turned on some music.  
  
"Better?" he asked.  
  
I giggled. "A little."  
  
Carter opened the drawer of his bedside table and pulled out the small black box. He crawled across the bed and sat on his knees in front of me. He opened the box and looked into my eyes. "Abby," he said. "You are the love of my life, part of my soul, and the fire in my heart. Will you marry me?"  
  
I smiled and bit my lip. "Yes," I said. "I love you." I took his face in my hands and kissed him.  
  
**************************  
  
"Married?" Annie said, wrinkling her nose. She was sitting in- between Carter and me on the sofa. "Like Cinderella and the prince?"  
  
I laughed. "Sort of."  
  
"But without the fairy godmother," Carter said.  
  
Annie looked from Carter to me. "You'll wear a pretty dress?"  
  
I kissed her head. "Yes, and so will you."  
  
"Then there can be babies?" Annie asked, hopefully.  
  
"Babies?" I asked. Was she serious? I wasn't about to have kids. I loved Annie but loving someone so much caused a lot of pain and I couldn't do that with anyone else. Maggie, Eric, Carter, and Annie were more than enough love and pain for one lifetime. But Carter was already answering her.  
  
"Possibly," he said. "Probably."  
  
"Annie, why don't you go play with your Barbies for a minute," I said, staring at Carter who looked suddenly scared.  
  
"'K, Mim," she said, and scurried off to her room. I waited until her door shut before I started to speak.  
  
"You're kidding, right?" I said.  
  
"About what?"  
  
"About having more kids!" I tried not to raise my voice but I could feel it was going to get louder.  
  
"Of course not," Carter said. "I love kids. I want at least one more."  
  
"At least!" As predicted, my voice had risen. "You ever plan on telling me this?"  
  
"I'm telling you now," Carter said, his voice getting louder too.  
  
"Carter, I don't want anymore kids."  
  
"Why not? You're so great with Annie . . ."  
  
"But what if they're bipolar? Annie's only three and I've only known her for sixth months but I've already had my heart broken watching her suffer. I won't create another person so I can watch them suffer too. I can't. I won't." I stood up and walked over to a picture of the three of us that was hanging on the wall.  
I reached out and gently touched the image of Annie's smiling face. "Abby," Carter said, coming up behind me. I expected him to touch me but he didn't. "I want more kids."  
  
"I'm sorry," I said, not turning around. "But that's just something I can't do. If you want kids so badly then maybe we should . . ." I took a deep breath. "Maybe we shouldn't get married."  
  
Carter turned me around. "What?" he yelled. "But I . . .you . . ."  
  
Response to reviews -  
  
Board-monkey - thank you. I hope the rest of the fic lives up to your expectations.  
  
Aaron - you are sooooooo sweet! Will you marry me?  
  
Carbytothecore - It is sad but Annie's being very brave.  
  
Jackie - Perfectly? Wow, cool. Thanks! Yeah, we're moving right along with the Carby plot now. It's a bit iffy at the moment.  
  
Carbylobsterandavrilfan - This is the last chapter I have written but I'll be writing more on Sunday. I usually write chapters on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. 


	33. Changing My Mind

Author's note - Once again, I'm not a doctor. I apologize for any incorrect medical details.  
  
"So, let me get this straight," Susan said. "He asks you to marry him, you say yes, and then eight hours later you change your mind?"  
  
I nodded. "He wants more kids, Susan. I'm just not cut out to be a mother."  
  
Susan looked at me and shrugged. "If that's what you believe than there's no use trying to convince you otherwise." We stepped out of the lounge and were nearly run over by a mob of people. "What is going on today?" Susan asked, looking over at the board. "Everyone in Chicago has decided to come to County."  
  
"Susan, look." I pointed over by the door. There was a young woman, not more than twenty-three, standing alone clutching a bundle. As Susan and I moved closer to her she cried out to us.  
  
"Help me, please. My baby, my baby." She held the bundle towards us. In it was a small baby. "He can't breath," she said. I looked closer and lifted one of the baby's hands. His fingernails were turning blue. "You have to help him," she said. "He's only three-months-old."  
  
I grabbed the baby and ran to a trauma room. I could hear the mother standing behind me sobbing, "please help him, please, please."  
  
"Haleh, can you please take her outside?" I said, not unkindly.  
  
Half an hour later I took my gloves off and approached the young mother. She ran to meet me. "He's gonna be OK," I said. "He's stable but we just wanna keep him under observation for awhile so we're gonna send him up to ICU."  
  
The woman burst into tears and collapsed as if I had just told her that her son was dead. She looked up at me. "Thank you," she choked out. "Thank you, thank you, thank you. Can I see him?"  
  
I nodded and she followed me into the room. She stood by the gurney and gingerly stroked her son's tiny arm. The baby, still fast asleep, reached up and grabbed his mother's fingers. "He's my world," she said, not taking her eyes from her sleeping child. "I didn't even want him though."  
  
I raised my eyebrows. My point had been made. Why suffer so much when you can avoid it completely.  
  
"When I found out I was pregnant," the girl continued. "I went to get an abortion. But I couldn't do it. I got to the clinic and I just couldn't go through with it. And thank God I didn't." She smiled at me. "I never knew there was so much love in the whole word let alone inside of me."  
  
I looked at the baby boy. Maybe having one of those wouldn't be such a horrible thing. Maybe . . .  
  
My thoughts were interrupted by a loud steady beep. The baby was crashing. I rushed for the paddles and screamed for help.  
  
*******************************  
  
"How long has it been?"  
  
"Forty-five minutes."  
  
"I'm calling it," I said, stepping away from the baby. "Time of death 13:24." I bit my lip and looked out the door to the baby's mother. "I can't do it," I said, turning to Luka. He nodded.  
  
"I got it," he said.  
  
I watched as the woman broke down in Luka's arms. No way was I ever going to put myself through that. No way.  
  
********************************  
  
"Shit! Shit, shit, shit!" I threw the pregnancy test across my apartment. "FUCK!"  
  
I was pregnant. I wiped my angry tears away and picked up the phone. I had to tell Carter . . . didn't I? Just that morning I had decided that I wanted to marry him, even if that meant having kids. We could always adopt. But now this! I didn't want a baby of my own. I started to dial his number and then hung up.  
  
What if he just wants the baby and not me? He married Jessica for Annie; he'd marry me for little Gracie or Joshua, wouldn't he?  
  
Before I had too much time to think about it someone knocked at the door. "Hi," Carter said, smiling nervously. "Can we talk?"  
  
I lowered my eyebrows. "Fine," I said.  
  
"Abby . . ." Carter said, stepping into my apartment.  
  
"I'm pregnant," I said, before Carter could finish his sentence.  
  
The grin on his face stretched from ear to ear. "Really?"  
  
I walked into my room and picked the pregnancy test off the floor. "Really," I said, handing in to him.  
  
He looked at it for a minute and then at me. "Abby, I know you think you don't want this kid but . . ."  
  
"Spare me the speech, Carter," I said, sitting down on my sofa. Carter sat next to me.  
  
"So, um, do you want this back?" Carter asked, holding out my engagement ring.  
  
"Oh, so now that I'm having your baby, you all of a sudden want to marry me again?" I asked, crossing my arms.  
  
"I never didn't want to marry you," he said. "You broke it off, not me. I love you, Abby. And I want you with or without the baby."  
  
"Prove it." The minute I said it, I regretted it. There was no way he could prove it. Love is something you believe, not something you know.  
  
Carter put the ring back in his pocket and said, "Give me ten minutes."  
  
Response to reviews -  
  
AbbyLokhart2 (chapter 31) - Well, yeah, it was slightly bad timing. But ya gotta have some fun!  
  
AbbyLockhart2 (chapter 32) - I would LOVE to do that. Can we arrange for that to happen?  
  
Jasonsgurl07 - Oh, don't worry too much.  
  
Carbyfan - Things will work out. I think.  
  
Vkh214 - YES! ER and SVU rock!!!!!!!  
  
Aaron - Happy endings are my specialty. And yay! I'm engaged!  
  
Hyperpiper91 - More is on it's way.  
  
Carbylobsterandavrilfan - Ooooh, who knows? Wait . . .I do!  
  
ER-Carby-Luva - Abby's just freaking out. She'll calm down and change her mind. 


	34. What's in a Name?

Fifteen minutes later Carter was back, something clutched tightly in his fist. "If I didn't love you," he said. "Would I still have this?" He trust his hand towards me.  
  
**************************(FLASHBACK - SIX YEARS EARLIER)  
  
"Hey, look at this." We were walking along the lake, skipping stones when I spotted something among the pebbles. I bent down and picked up a perfectly white rock. It was shaped like a heart but the edges were rough and cracked.  
  
"Wow," Carter said, examining the rock.  
  
"It'd be better if the edges were smoother," I said.  
  
Carter shook his head. "No. It's rough around the edges . . . just like us."  
  
I laughed and rolled my eyes. "You're such a sap." I pulled my arm back. "Let's see how this one does."  
  
Carter closed his hand over mine. "No, don't," he said. "Not this one."  
  
I looked at him. "Why not?"  
  
"Because . . ." he said, taking the rock. "It can't just be a coincidence that we found this here. We can't skip it."  
  
I looked at him quizzical. "You're insane," I said.  
  
Carter grinned. "I know."  
  
"But it'll skip so well," I complained.  
  
"Tell you what," Carter said. "If I ever stop loving you, I'll come down here, skip the rock, and then tell you how well it did."  
  
****************************(PRESENT)  
  
"I can't believe you still have this," I said, taking the stone from his outstretched hand.  
  
"I told you I'd keep until I stopped loving you."  
  
I looked up at him, the stone grasped tightly in my hand. "This baby could be . . ."  
  
"The future president of the United States?"  
  
"Carter, be serious," I said, sitting down. Carter followed me.  
  
"I am being serious," he said. "We could be the new Kennedys. My brother and I even had the same names as the first generation of Kennedys. John and Bobby."  
  
I smiled weakly. "No child of ours will ever be normal enough to run the country."  
  
"When was the last time we actually had a normal president?" Carter asked, opening my hand and taking the rock. "Lincoln?" Carter held the rock up between his thumb and forefinger.  
  
"Any problems that come along we can handle," he said. "If the kid is bipolar we'll just mash the meds up and sprinkle them in his applesauce. That's the point of the rock, Abby," Carter said, turning it over in his hand. "Nothing's ever perfect. But it'll be OK. Because we love each other and that's all that matters. As long as we're willing to make it work it WILL work."  
  
"I love you," I said, tears filling my eyes.  
  
"I love you too." Carter leaned forward and kissed me. "And I want to marry you." Carter held out the ring again. I let him put it on my finger.  
  
"I don't deserve you," I said, resting against him.  
  
"No, you don't," Carter agreed.  
  
I smacked his leg. "Don't push your luck," I giggled.  
  
***************************** (FOUR MONTHS LATER)  
  
"Marianne?"  
  
"Are you kidding?"  
  
"What's wrong with Marianne?"  
  
"Nothing, if you live in the 1960s," I said, picking up another baby name book.  
  
Carter stuck out his lower lip. "You don't like any of the names I like."  
  
"Well, that's because you don't like any good names," I said.  
  
"I like Jenna," Annie said, appearing from her bedroom.  
  
"You only like that because that's your teacher's daughter's name," Carter said.  
  
"Nu-uh," Annie said. "It's a good name."  
  
"What if it's a boy?" I said, pulling Annie into my lap.  
  
She placed her ear against my stomach. "It's a girl," she said.  
  
"How do you know?" I asked.  
  
"She told me," Annie said, looking up at me.  
  
I laughed. "Did she, now? Well, we better pick out some boy names . . .just in case."  
  
"Blake," Carter said.  
  
I wrinkled my nose. "No," I said. "Too macho."  
  
"See!" Carter said. "You don't like anything I like!"  
  
"Kaden," I said.  
  
"That's not bad," Carter said, thoughtfully. "Until you combine it with Carter. Kaden Carter."  
  
I groaned. "Not fair! All the boys names I like sound stupid with your last name."  
  
"What other names do you like?"  
  
"Cale, Casper, Catcher . . ."  
  
"Catcher!?! You've been watching 'Down With Love' again, haven't you?" Carter asked.  
  
I giggled and nodded. "It's a good name though."  
  
"Michael."  
  
"Too normal."  
  
"Zeke."  
  
"To yuppie."  
  
Carter groaned.  
  
"Binker!" Annie cried. "Name the baby Binker!"  
  
Carter laughed. "I'm not sure that's a good name for a child, Annie," he said.  
  
Annie scowled. "Bobby?"  
  
"That'll be his middle name," I said.  
  
"It will?" Carter asked.  
  
"Sure, why not?" I said, smiling.  
  
Carter shrugged. "I never really thought about it," he said. Then he smiled. "But it's a good idea."  
  
"Andrew," I said. "Andrew Robert."  
  
"That's good," Carter said. "But how is Andrew less normal than Michael?"  
  
"I dunno," I said. "But I like it."  
  
"Jason, Benjamin, Thomas, Matthew," Carter said, reading off his list.  
  
I read off mine. "Grace, Mackenzie, Rylie, Savannah."  
  
"We're never going to agree," Carter said.  
  
"Noah, Abraham, Theodore," I suggested.  
  
"Lily, Molly, Jasmine," Carter rattled off.  
  
"Lily's not bad," I said. "I like Grace best."  
  
"Grace what?" Carter asked, making a note.  
  
"Grace . . .Kelly!" I grinned. "The kid will be pre-destined to be gorgeous. Grace Kelly Carter."  
  
Carter smiled. "All right," he said. ""We have our girl's name picked out. Now for the boy's."  
  
"Jacob? Jacob Robert Carter? We could call him Jake."  
  
"Um, Abby?" Carter said. "Isn't Jake the name of the lovely, slightly aggressive man you used to date?"  
  
"Oh yeah," I giggled. "I forgot."  
  
Carter rolled his eyes. "James?" Carter said.  
  
"Are you kidding?" I said. "James Carter? Jimmy Carter?"  
  
Carter laughed. "Guess not then."  
  
"Daniel, Aaron . . . Aaron! Aaron's good."  
  
"Aaron Carter," John said. "Isn't he the little brother of that blond Backstreet Boy?"  
  
I groaned. "Backstreet's back, all right!" Annie sang to herself. I giggled.  
  
"We could name him after a singer," I said.  
  
Carter shook his head. "No son of mine is going to be called Elton," he said.  
  
I stuck out my tongue. "What about Christopher?"  
  
"My best friend at boarding school was Christopher." Carter said.  
  
"Max?"  
  
"Dog's name."  
  
"Justin?"  
  
"Timberlake."  
  
"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!"  
  
Carter laughed. "Frustrated?"  
  
"Just a little," I said. I scooted across the couch until I was in his lap. "Can't we just name him John Truman Carter IV and be done with it?"  
  
Carter shook his head. "No way."  
  
"Evan?" I suggested. "Kevin? Samuel? Heath? Ooh, Dustin!"  
  
"Kevin Spacey, Samuel L. Jackson, Heath Ledger, Dustin Hoffman? Naming all your favorite movie stars?" Carter asked.  
  
I shook my head. "No, that'd be Jack, Morgan, Robin, and Tom."  
  
"Nicholson, Freeman, Williams, and Hanks?" Carter asked.  
  
I nodded and nestled my head against Carter's shoulder. "I really like Kaden," I said.  
  
"Me too," Carter said, rubbing my back. "Kaden Carter doesn't sound too horrible, does it?"  
  
"Kaden Carter, Kaden Carter," I repeated. "Not too horrible." I kissed Carter's nose.  
  
"So it's set," Carter said. "Kaden Robert Carter."  
  
Response to reviews -  
  
Kattybaby2318 (chapter 32) - Thank you. I hate doing dishes. Although it's better than cleaning the bathroom.  
  
Vkh214 - Interesting . . . yeah. LOL, seriously, I love your reviews.  
  
Jackie - You trust me? Wow. * tear * Yeah, everything  
  
Carbybubbles (chapter 31) - Jake sucks. But I'm glad you like it!  
  
Carbybubbles (chapter 32) - Aw, don't worry. Yet.  
  
Hyperpiper91 - hehehe, I'm evil. 


	35. Picking your Fights

"Hey little one," I said, giving Annie a big hug. "You excited to be a big sister?"  
  
Annie nodded. "Yes. But I'm more 'cited 'bout my birthday."  
  
Carter grinned. "My little girl's turning four," he said. He spun her around and she shrieked with delight.  
  
"I'm not a little girl anymore, Daddy," Annie said. "I'm big."  
  
Carter groaned and pretended to drop Annie. "You're too heavy," he said, straining his voice.  
  
I giggled. "Stop acting like a child, John," I said.  
  
Carter put Annie on his shoulders. "Well, what's the fun in that?"  
  
***************************  
  
"I just don't understand why you haven't told your mother," I said. I had just discovered that Carter had not told Eleanor about me or the baby.  
  
Carter shrugged. "It's complicated."  
  
"No it's not," I said. "I know exactly what it is. "You're ashamed. You've gotten engaged to someone from the class below you, and you're having an illegitimate baby. You don't want your mother to know because, despite what you say, you do care what she thinks of me."  
  
"I'm not gonna fight with you about this," Carter said. "You don't know what I'm thinking or feeling."  
  
"Of course I don't," I yelled. "You won't tell me!"  
  
"I don't have to tell you every single thing."  
  
"Yes you do. If we're going to be married we have to talk to each other." I shoved my hands into the pockets of my jeans. Carter just looked at me. "Talk to me," I said, softening my voice.  
  
Carter shook his head. "You wouldn't understand." He went into his bedroom and slammed the door.  
  
"FINE!" I screamed. "Then you can have this back!" I pulled my ring off my finger and hurled at the closed door. Then I stormed out.  
  
***********************************  
  
I had planned to go home but, walking past a bar, I decided to go in. I knew I couldn't drink but I just wanted to sit down in the middle of a crowd and disappear.  
  
I sat down at the bar and glanced around. The guy sitting too stools to my right looked familiar. "Carl?" I said, hesitantly.  
  
He turned around. "Abby?" It was Carl, an old friend from college. "What are you doing here?" he asked.  
  
I smiled. "I live just 'round the corner. How've you been?"  
  
Carl and I talked for half an hour until he said he had to be somewhere. So we made plans to meet for lunch the following day.  
  
As I walked home I wondered why Carl and I had never dated. We'd been close friends from freshman year but I'd never really been attracted to him. I mean, he was cute . . . god, was he cute. But there wasn't the same chemistry that I felt with Carter.  
  
Stupid, stupid Carter. Sometimes I wondered if it was worth the effort. I loved him, but he made it hard. Like he didn't want me to love him. Like it scared him. Which is probably did. But he just needed to grow up.  
  
Carl was mature. Why couldn't I have fallen for him? Why did I have to fall for immature, emotionally stunted, closed off, Carter?  
  
Because he was smart, funny, sensitive, caring, considerate, playful, and had just the right combination of goofiness and sense. But it didn't really matter WHY I loved him. It just mattered that I did, in fact, love him. I smiled the rest of the way home, having resolved to make up with Carter the very next day.  
  
Response to reviews -  
  
Carbybubbles - In general, I don't like boy names. But Kaden is a great name.  
  
Kayla - I'm glad you like the baby names. Grace is good. Little Gracie Carter. Hehe  
  
Vkh214 - Tom Cruise is better looking but I bet Abby's the kind of person who would base her favorite actor on their abilities, not looks. Tom Hanks is AMAZING! Have you seen 'The Green Mile?' If not I recommend it. And 'Toy Story' one and two, of course.  
  
Aaron - I DID put your name in on purpose and I was actually gonna have them pick Aaron as their choice for a boy's name but then I remembered Aaron Carter. The thought process Abby and Carter went through in that chapter was pretty much the thought process I went through to pick the names.  
  
Carbyfan100 - I'm sooooooo glad you thought it was funny. I was going for funny. 


	36. Regret

Author's note - I know this whole fic has been from Abby's point of view but I thought I'd mix it up a bit by having Carter's point of view for a little bit.  
  
I trudged into the ER. It was 12:15 and I was fifteen minutes early. I hadn't been in such a bad mood since . . . since forever. I hated fighting with Abby. I especially hated it when she was right. I should just tell my mother about Abby and the baby. Or I should explain to Abby why I haven't told Mom yet.  
  
It has nothing to do with Abby. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed by her. Not at all. I just want to punish Mom for not being there after Bobby died.  
  
I gave Susan a feeble smile as I passed the admin desk and headed to the lounge.  
  
Abby was sitting in there so I threw my coat on the sofa and headed back out. I was too embarrassed to apologize yet. I was walking fast with my head down so I literally ran into a guy just standing around. "Sorry," he said. "But do you know Abby Lockhart?"  
  
"Why?" I asked, narrowing my eyes. What the hell did this joker want with Abby?  
  
He grinned. "I'm Carl Hunt. I have a uh . . . a lunch date with Abby."  
  
"Carl!" Abby said, from behind me. I turned around. She was looking at me apologetically. So I gave her my best "I-don't-care" look and turned back to Carl.  
  
"Here she is," I said in mock pleasantry. "Perhaps you'll have better luck with her than I did."  
  
************************  
  
"It's my fault," I said, staring into my beer. "I should have just talked to her."  
  
Luka shrugged. "Woman are fickle, Carter."  
  
I looked up at him. "Thanks," I said, sarcastically. "I feel better now."  
  
"Woman are fickle but I don't think that Abby is," Luka continued. "It's probably just a misunderstanding. Talk to her."  
  
"I've lost my chance," I muttered.  
  
Luka looked at his watch. "Where's Annie?" he asked.  
  
"Spending the night with my dad," I said, sulkily.  
  
"Talk to her, Carter," Luka said, getting up to leave.  
  
**************************  
  
"Abby? It's John. Can you, um, can you call me when you get home? I just want to talk to you. Find out where we are. Bye."  
  
I hung up the phone and lay down on the couch. I flipped through all the channels on my TV and then turned it off. It was 11:30 at night and Abby wasn't home. Maybe she was staying with Calvin or Kevin or whatever that guy's name was.  
  
She was out and my baby was out with her. Why was I so stupid? It was like I was trying to drive her away. I picked her ring off the coffee table and twirled it around my pinkie finger.  
  
I picked up my phone again and dialled Abby's cell phone number. "Hello?" she said.  
  
"Abby!" I said, sitting up. "Abby, you weren't home, I was worried."  
  
Silence.  
  
"Can we talk?"  
  
"You promised you open up, Carter," she said.  
  
"I know, I'm sorry."  
  
"There's gonna come a time when 'I'm sorry' just isn't gonna cut it. One of these days it'll be your last chance."  
  
I bit my lip. "I know," I said. "But you have understand. I mean, I'm learning as I go. I don't plan to do these things."  
  
"I know," Abby said. "I'm learning too." More silence. "My lunch with Carl wasn't a date," Abby said. "We're just friends."  
  
"Good," I said. "I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions. And I'm sorry I haven't talked to you about my mother."  
  
"You wanna do that now?" Abby asked.  
  
"Over the phone?"  
  
"Sure, why not?"  
  
"If you want me to, I will," I said, making myself comfortable.  
  
"Is Annie with your dad?" Abby asked.  
  
"Yeah, she is."  
  
"Well, why don't I come over and we can talk face to face?"  
  
I smiled to myself. "OK."  
  
Response to reviews -  
  
Aaron - Yay! You're sweet too. * blushes *  
  
Carbyfan - Yeah, see, Abby is using the ring as a weapon against Carter. Not very nice.  
  
Carbybubbles - Fighting bad, fuzz good!  
  
Hyperpiper (chapter 34) - No? Which do you prefer??? 


	37. Kicking up a Fuss

ABBY'S POV  
  
I knocked on the door and took a deep breath. "Hi," I said, trying to smile.  
  
"Hey," Carter said, the corner of his mouth turning upwards. "Come on in."  
  
I stepped inside and walked over to the sofa. "I'm glad you decided you wanted to talk to me," I said, sitting down.  
  
Carter sat down next to me. "I'd do anything not to lose you."  
  
I rolled my eyes. "This talk isn't a guarantee that I'll forgive you."  
  
Carter nodded solemnly. "I know."  
  
I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned back. "I'm waiting," I said.  
  
"I'm not ashamed of you," he said. "Or the baby." He ran his hand through his hair. "I don't want my mother to know yet because I want to get back at her for being such a crappy mother."  
  
I looked down. "Don't you think that's a bit harsh?" I asked.  
  
"Don't you think it's a bit harsh to fly to Tokyo two days before your son turns thirteen?" Carter said.  
  
I looked up at him. "She really hurt you, didn't she?"  
  
Carter nodded. "Yeah. The difference between your mom and mine is that yours actually loves you. Mine doesn't give a shit."  
  
I wanted to reach out and hold his hand but I was still so furious. I opened my mouth to say something but stopped when I felt a small, quick movement in my stomach. "Oh my god," I said, placing my hand on the bump that was our baby.  
  
"What?" Carter said, leaning over, concerned.  
  
I smiled and placed his hand next to mine. "The baby kicked," I said, forgetting how mad I was.  
  
The baby kicked again and Carter grinned so widely I thought his lips were going to be stretched out of shape. "That's the most amazing thing . . ." Carter said, staring lovingly at my stomach.  
  
I laughed. "I can 't believe there's actually something alive inside me."  
  
"Something we made," Carter said, smiled at me.  
  
I looked up at him and frowned. "You're a really crappy boyfriend, you know that?"  
  
Carter nodded. "Yeah." He sighed. "But, despite all appearances, I do love you."  
  
"Is that enough, though?" I asked. "I mean, is it worth it? We keep hurting each other. And besides, just because you love me doesn't give you the right to be a bastard."  
  
Carter seemed to shrink into a corner of the couch. "Worth it?" he said. "I never thought of it like that."  
  
"How do you think of it?"  
  
"You're my best friend and the only woman I've ever loved. That's all there is. So what if we fight sometimes? All couples do."  
  
I picked up my ring from where it was sitting on the coffee table. "So what now?" I asked.  
  
"What do you want?" Carter looked at me, his brown eyes full of hope.  
  
"You," I said simply, sliding the ring on my finger.  
  
Carter kissed me. More deeply and passionately than he had done in weeks. "One more thing," he said, lying me down on the couch. "You can't take that ring off every time we fight."  
  
"Why not?" I asked, grinning.  
  
"Because you'll lose it." Carter slid my shirt over my head. "And I'm not buying you another one."  
  
"Since when are you cheap?" I asked, kissing his neck.  
  
"I'm not," he said. "It'll just be your punishment for losing the first one."  
  
************************** CARTER'S POV  
  
Together again. I was thrilled to be with her again. But it was the word 'again' that bothered me. Maybe she was right, maybe it wasn't worth it. But then I felt her hand on my back and when I rolled over to look at her I knew that I'd risk life and limb to be with her.  
  
"Morning," I said, kissing her. "You better put some clothes on. My dad's gonna bring Annie home soon."  
  
Abby sat up, clutching the sheet around her bare body. "You want me to meet your father NOW?!?" she shrieked, bolting to the bathroom. As I was getting dressed I heard the shower turn on.  
  
"He's not the parent you have to worry about," I shouted over the sound of the water, standing at the bathroom door. "My mother is the scary one."  
  
"I don't care," she shouted back. "I want your father to like me." There was a pause. "He knows we're engaged, right?"  
  
I smiled. "Yes. He knows." Abby jumped out of the shower. "That was quick," I said.  
  
She flipped her head upside down and started brushing her hair. I went into the kitchen to make some coffee. "I'm making coffee," I hollered to Abby. "You want?"  
  
"Um . . .I'm pregnant?" she called back.  
  
"Oh yeah," I said. Abby came out of the bedroom. "You're dressed up," I said, biting into a piece of toast. She was wearing a white button down shirt and black pants.  
  
"I don't want your dad to think I'm a slob," she said as she finished braiding her hair. "I'll get it," she said, when my dad knocked on the door. "Mr. Carter," she said, and I knew she was giving him her best smile.  
  
"You can call me Jack," Dad told her, smiling back.  
  
"Hey, Dad," I said, walking over and putting my arm around Abby. "This is Abby Lockhart."  
  
Dad smiled and stuck out his hand. "Nice to meet you, Abby. John talks a lot about you."  
  
Abby looked at me, grinning. "Really?" she said.  
  
I rolled my eyes. "Only to tell him what a horrible cook you are," I said, referring to the one time Abby attempted to make scrambled eggs for Annie. And burnt them.  
  
"HELLO!" Annie said, clearly annoyed that no one had noticed her yet. I picked her up and gave her a little kiss.  
  
"Have fun with Grandpa?" I asked.  
  
Annie nodded. "He let me have ice cream for dinner."  
  
I glared at my father who, in turn, was glaring at Annie. "That was supposed to be our secret, Annabelle," he said.  
  
Annie giggled and wiggled out of my arms. "Oopsie," she said, skipping off to her room.  
  
"You want a cup of coffee, Dad?" I asked.  
  
"Sure." The three of us sat down at the kitchen table. "What sort of wedding do you two have in mind?" he asked.  
  
Abby looked at me and shrugged. "Dunno," she said. "We're gonna have the baby first, then worry about the wedding."  
  
"Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?" Dad asked.  
  
We both shook our heads. "Won't know until it's born," I said.  
  
"What are you hoping for?"  
  
"A boy," Abby and I said simultaneously. I smiled at her. "You want a boy too?"  
  
She nodded. "A boy and a girl," she said. "One of each."  
  
"But technically," Dad said to Abby. "You'll just have the boy since Annie's not your daughter."  
  
"Yes she is," I said. "Abby loves Annie and Annie loves her. So Abby's not her biological mother? It doesn't make a difference. She loves her way more than Jessica did."  
  
"Daddy?" a small voice behind me said. I whirled around. "Mommy didn't love me?" Annie asked, tears in her eyes.  
  
"Oh, Annie," I said. "I didn't mean for you to hear that."  
  
Annie looked at me. "But Mommy sang me to and you said she loved me." Annie ran to her room and slammed the door.  
  
"Shit," I muttered, and slammed my head on the table.  
  
Response to reviews -  
  
Vkh214 - Yay! Updates are good!  
  
Aaron - Yeah, it was abrupt. I wanted to start on Abby's POV.  
  
Kayla - He IS hot. Soooooo hot. I saw a preview for a movie with him in it and I told my friend. She asked what it was about and I told her that I had no idea but I'd watch a documentary on mayfly larvae if he was in it!  
  
Hyperpiper91 - Girls are good. So are reviews! Yay!  
  
Jackie - No, you're right. They do need to talk. And they have. Sort of.  
  
Carbylobsterandavrilfan - Carter will be having more of a say from now on.  
  
Carbybubbles - See above. And thanks!  
  
Fanfictionfanatic - Addicted? Really? I've been waiting for somebody to say that. Oh, you've made my day! 


	38. Two for One

ABBY'S POV  
  
"Uh oh," Jack said, looking at Carter. "You gonna talk to her?"  
  
Carter lifted his head off the table. "Yeah," he grumbled. "You coming with me?" he asked as he headed towards Annie's room.  
  
"Me?"  
  
"Yeah, you."  
  
"Why? She's not mad at me," I said.  
  
"I know," Carter said. "But she needs to know that just because Jessica didn't love her doesn't mean that . . .that she's unlovable or something."  
  
I had no idea what he was talking about but I followed him into Annie's room anyway. "Hey, butter bean," Carter said. Annie was sitting on her bed, staring at a picture of Jessica.  
  
"Why didn't she love me?" Annie asked.  
  
Carter sat next to her. "I dunno," he said. "I don't think she liked kids very much."  
  
Annie lifted her head. "But you said she loved me."  
  
"I know," Carter said, pulling Annie onto his lap. "I didn't want you to feel bad."  
  
"I feel bad now," she said. I sat down on the floor. I wanted to kill Jessica. And if she hadn't been already dead I would have. How could she not have loved her own daughter? How could she not have loved this wonderful little girl?  
  
"But you shouldn't feel bad," Carter said. "Because I love you, Grandpa loves you, and Mim loves you."  
  
"Nu-uh," Annie said.  
  
"Yuh-uh," Carter replied.  
  
"She never says it," Annie said. "You say it all the time." It was true; I hadn't ever told her that I loved her.  
  
I held my arms out and Carter gave her to me. I pulled her close. "I love you," I said, cupping her face in my hands. "I love you so very, very much. Just because you don't call me mommy doesn't mean that I'm not your mother. I take care of you, I love you, and you are my little girl."  
  
Annie snuggled up to me. "I love you, Mim," she said. "More than I love my real mommy."  
  
I kissed the top of her head. "So don't worry about your mom," I said. "She didn't love you because of her, not because of anything you did. You are wonderful."  
  
Jack appeared in the doorway. "Everything OK?"  
  
Carter nodded. "Yeah, everything's fine."  
  
"So what about you, Annie?" Jack asked, joining us on the floor. "Do you want the new baby to be a boy or a girl?"  
  
"A girl," Annie said. "Boys are yucky."  
  
I laughed. "You won't always feel that way," I said.  
  
"Yes you will!" Carter cried out. "Boys are horrible! You hate boys. Never talk to a boy. Never even look at a boy!"  
  
Annie giggled. "But Daddy, you're a boy!"  
  
********************************  
  
"How's the baby doing?" Carter asked, kissing my lips and then my stomach.  
  
I was on the verge of tears. "I'm done being pregnant," I said. "I'm ready to get this thing outta me." I was lying in the OB-GYN's office, waiting for another pre-natal exam. The doctor came in and started doing the ultra-sound.  
  
"You're thirty weeks, is that right?" I nodded. "That's odd," he muttered.  
  
"What's odd?" Carter asked.  
  
"Well, I didn't notice before. I guess the heartbeats must have been in sync." The doctor scratched his head.  
  
"I'm sorry," I said. "But I have no idea what you're talking about."  
  
"There are two babies," he said. "Twins."  
  
I looked up at Carter. "Twins?" I said. Then I broke into a smile.  
  
"Two for the price of one," Carter said, smiling back.  
  
I rubbed my stomach. "No wonder I got so big," I said. I looked up at the doctor. "Everything looks OK, right?" I asked.  
  
He nodded. "Everything is completely fine."  
  
Suddenly Carter groaned. "What's wrong?" I asked.  
  
"We won't all fit in our apartment," he said. "Which means we have to go house hunting."  
  
"I'll leave that up to you," I said, sitting up. "I don't feel like carting this weight all over Chicago."  
  
Response to reviews -  
  
Hyperpiper91 - Yay! Me like too.  
  
Carbybubbles - Annie's a sweetheart.  
  
Kayla - TONIGHT IS ER!!!!!!!! YAY!  
  
Vkh214 - You're right, everyone eavesdrops. Especially little kids who don't know any better. I'm flattered that you wrote your longest review for me. 


	39. Tragedy

"John!" I called from the kitchen. "John!" He ran to me, and almost slipped in the puddle at my feet. "My water broke," I said.  
  
"Oh my god," he said, picking up the phone. "Dad!" he said. "The babies are coming. We'll drop Annie off in about ten minutes." I went to the door and pulled my coat off the coat rack. "Annie," Carter called. "Come on, the babies are coming. We gotta take you to Grandpa's."  
  
Annie came running to the door. "Babies!" she said, smiling.  
  
"Come on, out the door, please," Carter said.  
  
******************************  
  
"Something's not right," I heard the doctor say.  
  
"What?" I screamed. "What's not right?"  
  
"One of the babies is turned sideways and blocking the birth canal. We have to do a c-section," the doctor said to me.  
  
"Carter," I cried, reaching out for him. I couldn't see him anywhere. "Carter!"  
  
I felt a hand take mine. "It's OK," he said. "I'm here."  
  
I watched the doctor pick up a scalpel and passed out.  
  
****************************  
  
"John," I croaked.  
  
Carter took his head out of his hands. "Hi," he said, cracking a smile. "How do you feel?"  
  
"Groggy," I said. "And my stomach kills," I said, lightly touching where the doctor had made the cut.  
  
Carter scooted his chair closer the to edge of my bed and took my hand. "I love you," he said, kissing it.  
  
"I love you," I said. "And we have three kids," I said. "Can you believe it? So what are they? Boys or girls?"  
  
"One boy and one girl," Carter said. "But Abby, the girl . . ."  
  
"Gracie," I said, smiling.  
  
"Gracie," Carter repeated. He looked absolutely heartbroken. "Her heart wasn't very strong and um, well they worked on her but there wasn't anything they could do."  
  
I stared at him. Was he saying what I though he was saying. "She's OK, right?" I asked, knowing the answer.  
  
Carter shook his head. "She died . . ." he paused to try and get control of himself but tears were streaming down his face. "She died about ten minutes ago," he said.  
  
I just stared at him, trying to understand what he'd just said. Dead? The baby was dead? How can that be?  
  
"But the boy," Carter said. "Kaden . . .he's fine. Five pounds, two ounces."  
  
I reached over and grabbed onto Carter, burying my face in his shirt. He held me while I cried, never once saying "It's OK." Because it wasn't OK. I never even got to look at my daughter or hear her cry. When I finally pulled away I asked, "was she beautiful?"  
  
Carter nodded. "Gorgeous. He is too. Not all red and wrinkled from being pushed through the birth canal."  
  
I squeezed Carter's hand. "Can I see him?"  
  
Carter went to find him and I lay back, trying not to think about funeral arrangements. I suppose we were lucky they both hadn't died. I reached up as Carter came back holding out baby.  
  
He placed my son in my arms and I started to cry again. "Hi Kaden," I said. He looked at me, completely bored. I kissed his head. He yawned. "He's perfect," I whispered.  
  
The door burst open and Annie came pouncing in. "Mim!" she shouted. Jack followed her in.  
  
"Hi Annie," I said. "You have a new baby brother."  
  
Carter lifted her up so she could see Kaden. "I wanted a sister," she said.  
  
Carter sat down and placed Annie on his knee. "You had one," he said. "But she was very sick. And the doctors tried but they couldn't make her better."  
  
Annie frowned. "Is she in Heaven now?" she asked.  
  
Carter nodded. "John, I'm so sorry," Jack said, placing his hand on Carter's shoulder. "Have you called your mother?"  
  
Carter nodded again. "She'll be in town in time for Gracie's funeral."  
  
Response to reviews -  
  
Connie (chapter 37) - Aw, thank you!  
  
Aaron (chapter 37) - I'm glad you like the endings. I hope they continue to please you.  
  
Aaron (chapter 38) - Yes twins. Unfortunately, it didn't exactly work out the way they'd planned.  
  
Vkh214 - I read the last chapter of your story. I loved it and totally agree with everything you said. I have to say, that my favorite episode has to be the one where Gallant, Luka, Susan, Abby, and Carter all find the bag of sex toys and then have to go sit in that room for hours. Very funny. And, of course, "Lockdown" and "Chaos Theory" are also very good.  
  
Carbybubbles - Yep, a boy and a girl. But . . .now just a boy.  
  
Hyperpiper91 - There was a girl . . .but she went bye-bye. : ( Give me your name suggestion anyway though. Maybe I'll use it for my next fic.  
  
Carbyfan100 - Better and better? : D 


	40. The Bitch is Back

Author's note - Yes, this is a short chapter, but it was emotionally draining to write so I'll update again on Monday.  
  
Disclaimer - The poem quoted on Gracie's grave is from a poem entitled "A Cradle Song" by William Blake.  
  
We buried Gracie under an oak tree in the cemetery where Bobby was buried. Her gravestone read:  
Grace Kelly Carter  
2004  
"Sweet sleep, with soft down  
Weave thy brows an infant crown.  
Sweet sleep, angel mild,  
Hover o'er my happy child."  
  
A sleeping lamb had been engraved under the words. The lamb was Annie's idea. She said she wanted Gracie to have the lamb to keep her company.  
  
As we watched the tiny coffin being lowered into the ground I let the tears come. I'd been holding them back, not wanting Annie to see me cry. But I didn't care about that anymore. I glanced over at my mother. She was standing there, straight as a post, no emotion on her face.  
  
After the funeral ended Abby and I had to go through the agony of having tons of people we barely knew telling us how sorry they were for our loss. When the crowd began to thin out my mother approached us. "Well, at least you got it over with," she said.  
  
"Got what over with?" I asked.  
  
"Losing a child," she said. "Better to lose her now than love her for eleven or twelve years and lose her then. I mean, you haven't even really lost anything, have you? You can't lose something you never really had in the first . . ."  
  
But Mom's sentence was cut short. Abby had slapped her as hard as she could across the face. "You don't know anything," she said, through angry tears. "Don't you understand that you were lucky to have all those years with Bobby? I never even got to see my daughter. I would give anything for just ten minutes with her!"  
  
Abby was screaming and the remainder of our guests were gaping. Mom had her hand on the place Abby had slapped her. "Just to look at her or hear her cry! I'll never hear her laugh or her first word. I'll never get to brush her hair or change her diapers. Don't tell me that I'm lucky," she said. She was practically foaming at the mouth. "All I wanted was ten minutes," she said, dropping herself onto the sofa. "Just ten minutes." She broke down, crying into her hands.  
  
I wrapped my arms around her and glared at my mother. Without a word, she stormed out of the house. I held Abby, rocking her slightly. I'd never been prouder of her. "I can't believe you hit her," I said.  
  
"I'm sorry," Abby whispered. "But she . . ."  
  
"I know," I said. "Someone should have slapped her years ago."  
  
Abby opened her mouth to say something but the baby started to cry. Abby went to get him and I could hear her softly singing to him.  
  
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey. You'll never know, dear, how much I love you. So please don't take my sunshine away."  
  
Response to reviews -  
  
Kayla (chapter 38) - Teehee, thank you.  
  
Jackie (chapter 38) - * blushes * Thanks  
  
Vkh214 - Don't make the dead girl too much like you. That'll scare me.  
  
Aaron - Thanks. I do what I can.  
  
Higherbeingfriendsfan - I'll update as fast as I can. Glad you like it.  
  
Hyperpiper91 - M'kay? You don't watch South Park by any chance, do you? But yeah, about boys' names - I watched a movie this morning called "The Sons of Mistletoe" and there was a little boy named Wylie and I thought that was the cutest name!  
  
Carbylobsterandavrilfan - It is sad. But yes, at least Kaden is OK.  
  
Kayla - I'm sorry you cried but glad at the same time. I'm glad that my writing is powerful enough to do that. See, my great-grandfather was a Shakespeare professor, my grandfather was an English teacher, and my father is a journalist so writing is in my blood.  
  
Jackie - Yep, happiness is on its way! 


	41. Almost Ready

"Ah, this is the life," Abby said, holding up a dirty diaper.  
  
I laughed. "Throw that away. I can smell it from over here." Abby tossed it into the diaper genie and I ventured into the room. Kaden was lying naked on his changing table and Annie was peering at him.  
  
I watched as Abby poured a bit of baby powder on to Kaden's pink bottom. He giggled and then sneezed. "Bless you, baby," Annie said.  
  
Kaden gurgled. He looked up at Abby with totally adoration. "You can actually see how much he loves you," I said.  
  
Abby laughed. "I'm just his main food source," she said, pulling a shirt over his round head. "Where's Kaden?" she said. "Where is he? There he is!" she cooed as his head popped out of the opening. He laughed again.  
  
"Did you see what I bought him?" I asked, opening Kaden's closet. I took out the tiny tux I'd bought for Kaden to wear to the wedding. When I held it up Abby's face lit up.  
  
"He'll be so cute!" she said, taking it from me.  
  
"What do I wear?" Annie asked.  
  
"You've see your dress," I said, picking Annie up. "It's the pretty purple one." I gave Annie a kiss on the cheek. "I guess I should go."  
  
"Go?" Annie cried, looking extremely worried. "Where are you going?"  
  
"I'm going to stay with Grampa," I said. Kaden and I were spending the night with my dad while Annie, Abby, Susan, and Maggie were all staying in our new, four-bedroom house, so they could help Abby get ready for the wedding in the morning. I gave Annie a big hug and took Kaden from Abby.  
  
"Bye," Abby said, kissing me. "Bye, sweetie," she said, gently squeezing Kaden's hand.  
  
"I'll see you tomorrow," I said.  
  
"You're not having some kind of wild bachelor party, are you?" Abby asked.  
  
I laughed. "I have a baby to look after, remember?"  
  
Abby smiled. "Yeah, I know."  
  
I kissed her again and headed out the door.  
  
************************************  
  
"I'm proud of you," my dad said, pouring me a glass of brandy. "Really proud."  
  
"What for?"  
  
"The way you live your life," Dad said. "You do what you want to do, not what everyone else wants you to do. And tomorrow, you're marrying the woman you love."  
  
I smiled and took a sip of my brandy. "Yeah, Abby's pretty great," I said.  
  
Dad sat down on the leather couch. "Really great," he said. "You don't how horrible it is to be married to someone you don't love." Dad sighed. "I wasted my life, you know," he said. "I could have had so much more fun. We shouldn't have gotten married so young."  
  
Dad paused, probably thinking about all the fun he could have had. "Well, goodnight, son," he said, standing up.  
  
"'Night, Dad," I said. As I watched him walk away I thought about what he said. Abby and I weren't too young to be married but was I really ready?  
  
I stood up and walked to the window. Was I done having fun? I mean, I did have two kids so the fun I could have would be limited but there was still potential. I started nervously tapping my fingers on the windowsill. Was I ready to settle down? Was Abby really the woman I wanted to settle down with? Come to think of it . . .did I even love Abby at all?  
  
Response to reviews -  
  
Vkh214 - My daddy use to sing it to me too. That's where I got the idea. Yes, your reviews do scare me but they also amuse me.  
  
Aaron - Not to toot my own horn or anything but I agree. In my fic Abby and Carter are together . . .unlike the show.  
  
Carbybubbles (chapter 39) - I lost a little sleep at first but then I realized that losing Gracie will just make Abby appreciate Annie and Kaden even more.  
  
Connie - Aw, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you cry. OK, actually I did. Anyway, I'm glad you're so involved!  
  
AbbyLockhart2 - I noticed that you weren't reviewing but I'm glad you're back. Yeah, sorry about the depressing stuff but life isn't always happy. And I try to keep my fics realistic.  
  
Jordan-Cavanaugh - Yes, Eleanor needed to be slapped.  
  
Jasonsgurl07 - I don't think Abby's gonna get depressed. I hate depressed Abby. She's a bitch.  
  
Hyperpiper91 - There is more. I'm not sure how much more but it's not quite finished yet.  
  
Kayla - Thanks, you're awesome too! Carter's mom definitely needs to be taken down a peg or two.  
  
Carbybubbles - I can't wait to see where I'm gonna go either. I'm not sure yet.  
  
Fanfictionfanatic - Yeah, they'll be happy again. I don't know what it's like to lose a child but there will be moments of sadness. Mostly happiness. 


	42. Coming Together

I pulled the veil down over my face and grinned at my reflection in the mirror. "You look beautiful, Mim," Annie said.  
  
I looked down at her. She was wearing a lavender dress with puffed up sleeves. "Thank you, honey," I said. "So do you."  
  
I ran my hands down the front of my dress. I'd never felt more beautiful. "Hey, Abby," a soft voice said.  
  
I turned around. "Hey Susan." I couldn't stop smiling.  
  
"Annie, your grandma's waiting for you outside," Susan said. "Um, Abby, I think you should sit down."  
  
My smile faltered as I watched Annie skip off to where my mother was waiting. "What's going on?" I asked, as I sat on the overstuffed love seat.  
  
"Carter's gone," Susan said, sitting next to me. "Jack couldn't find him anywhere this morning."  
  
I wrinkled my brow. "Gone?" I asked. "How can he be gone?"  
  
Susan placed her hand on my shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Abby," she said. "Do you want me to tell everyone now or do you want to wait a little while?"  
  
I looked at the clock on the wall. "Give me an hour," I said. "I think I know where he'll be."  
  
*****************************  
  
I opened the door to the roof and there he was, leaning over the edge. "I figured you'd find me," he said. He was wearing his tux, which I took as a good sign.  
  
"What's up?" I said, trying to be as casual as I could, which was hard, considering I was still wearing my wedding dress.  
  
He shrugged, keeping his back to me. "Last minute jitters, I guess."  
  
"Everyone has those," I said, walking towards him.  
  
He turned around. "God," he said. "You look incredible."  
  
I smiled inspite of myself. "Thank you," I said.  
  
"I'm sorry, Abby," he said, holding out his hand. I took it. "I just kept having second thoughts."  
  
"About what?" I asked.  
  
"About if I'm ready to settle down. If I . . .if I really love you." Carter averted my eyes.  
  
"Oh," I said sadly. "Well that's serious."  
  
"Yeah," Carter said, letting go of my hand. "I know."  
  
"So . . ." I said, prompting Carter. "What do you want to do?"  
  
"I dunno," Carter said. He took both my hands. "I look at you and I feel like I'm going to burst because I love you so much. But I see so many people who love each other and then everything falls apart. I don't want that to happen to us. I don't want to turn into my parents."  
  
I sighed. "I know you want me to tell you that we won't fall apart, that we'll live happily ever after, but I can't tell you that. There's no guarantee that we won't fall apart and tear each other to shreds. All I can tell you is that I love you and will try as hard as I can to make this work."  
  
"I love you too," Carter said. He pulled me into a hug. "I love you so much." He buried his face in my hair. "I just don't want to hurt you." He stepped back. "But what if I turn into my mother?"  
  
I smiled. "Do you love your children more than you value your own life?"  
  
"Of course," Carter said.  
  
"Then you're not your mother," I told him. "The very fact that we're having this conversation proves that you aren't your mother. You care."  
  
Carter nodded, accepting what I said. "In that case," he said, kissing me softly. "Let's go get married."  
  
"Sounds good to me," I murmured against his neck. "And then we can spend the rest of our lives together."  
  
"Nothing," Carter said, smiling broadly. "Nothing would make me happier."  
  
Author's note - I'm having a really shitty time at the moment. Got into a fight with a friend and all my other friends are siding with her. It's all very sixth grade and I'm not pleased. Therefore, I'm not in the mood to respond to reviews. But keep them coming anyway. 


	43. Finally

Author's note – OK, so the situation with my friends has slightly improved. I still have three friends, who decided not to take sides, which is good. And apparently, there is a chance that everyone else will forgive me. So, if all goes well I'll be responding to reviews for this chapter!  
  
I stood nervously at the alter, waiting for Abby. She was beautiful. Each step she took was in time with the beat of my heart. Everything was going in slow motion. Her eyes were shining and she looked as nervous as I was. But I knew we'd be OK. So we've had our problems. Who cares? As John Lennon once said, "All you need is love."  
  
When Abby reached the alter I took her hand, my eyes never leaving her face. The minister started to speak but I didn't hear a word he said. I just gazed in Abby's eyes and I could feel myself drowning in them. I was pulled back out only when I heard my name.  
  
"Do you, John, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for better or worse, for as long as you both shall live?"  
  
I opened my mouth to answer but I couldn't make a sound. Abby bit her lip and I knew she thought I was going to back out. But that wasn't it. Everything I'd ever wanted was right in front of me and I was scared shitless. I licked my lips, swallowed, and tried again. "I do."  
  
Abby let out a sigh of relief as the minister turned to her. "And do you, Abigail, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness, and in health, for better or worse, as long as you both shall live?"  
  
Abby smiled. Of all the different smiles she had, this one was my favorite. It wasn't a full out grin but just a slight smile, the corners of her mouth turning up ever so slightly. But her eyes – when she smiled like this, her eyes just lit up and you could see that she was truly happy. I loved that smile because I loved knowing that I had made her as happy as she had made me.  
  
"I do," Abby said, her smile slowly becoming wider.  
  
"Now, with the power vested in, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."  
  
I put my hands on Abby's waist and kissed her gently but she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me to her, kissing me fervently. When we broke apart I grinned at her. "I love you, Mrs. Carter," I said.  
  
She grinned. "That's Dr. Carter to you," she said. The she frowned. "We're both gonna be Dr. Carter," she said. "Everyone will get confused."  
  
I shrugged, my arms still wrapped around her. "Well, they'll just have to deal with it, won't they?" I kissed her again, silently thanking God that he'd finally given me the one thing I'd always wanted. Love.  
  
*************************************  
  
"I can't believe we're married," I said. We were lying together on the sand in front of a little house on a remote beach in Aruba.  
  
"Me neither," Abby said, rolling onto her stomach and kissing my bare chest. "So are we gonna swimming, or what?" she asked, propping herself up on her elbows.  
  
I laughed. "It's almost midnight."  
  
"So?" Abby said, lightly running her finger down to the waist of my swimming trunks. She ran her finger underneath the elastic band. "Come on," she said, leaning in for a kiss. "Please." She stuck out her lower lip and batted her eyelashes.  
  
I smiled. "OK," I said. "But I have to warn you . . .the water looks kinda rough and that little suit you're wearing might not stay on too long."  
  
Abby reached behind her and pulled the string on her bikini top. "You've got that right," she said.  
  
I stood up and helped her to her feet, then led her to the edge of the water. "I love you," I said.  
  
Abby smiled. "I love you too." 


	44. News from Home

I rolled over in bed and yawned. The space next to me that had been occupied by my husband was empty. "John," I called out, yawning again. "John, I need you!"  
  
He entered our bedroom, carrying a try of food. "You need me for what?" he asked, placing the tray on my lap.  
  
"To keep my warm," I said, taking a bit of bacon. "Thank you," I said, as climbed into bed. "You didn't have to make me breakfast.  
  
"I wanted to," he said, helping himself to a piece of toast. The phone rang and he answered it. "Hello?" he said. He broke into a smile. "Hey baby," he said. "I miss you." He paused. "It's Annie," he said quietly, covering the mouthpiece.  
  
"That's a relief," I said. "I thought it was your girlfriend."  
  
Carter stuck his tongue out at me. "We're coming home in two days," Carter said. "He does?" He turned to me. "Kaden misses us," he told me. I smiled. "OK, butter bean. I love you." Carter handed the phone to me.  
  
"Hey kiddo," I said.  
  
"Mim!" Annie cried. "Grandma Maggie showed me pictures of you when you were a little girl!"  
  
"Did she?" I asked. "Did you like that?"  
  
"Mm-hmm," Annie said. "They were funny. I liked the one of you and the horsie bird."  
  
"Horsie bird?" I said. "Oh, the ostrich." There was a picture of me when I was two at a petting zoo, perched on the back of an ostrich. "I like that one too."  
  
"Mim?" Annie said. "Come home soon, please."  
  
"Daddy told you we'll be home in two days," I said, grinning. Two more days in paradise with the man I loved.  
  
"But I want you home now," Annie said, in rarely heard whiny voice.  
  
"I know, sweetie. Don't worry. Just think of all the lovely presents Daddy and I will bring you."  
  
"Presents!" Annie cried joyfully. "For Kaden too?"  
  
I laughed. "Yes, for Kaden too."  
  
"Kaden misses you more than he misses Daddy," Annie said.  
  
I smiled at John. "How do you know that?"  
  
"He told me." There was a pause. "Grandma wants to talk now," she said. "Bye Mim. I love you!"  
  
"I love you too."  
  
"Hi Abby," Mom said.  
  
"Hey Mom. Everything going OK?"  
  
"Everything's fine," she said. "These children are delightful."  
  
I smiled. "I know. And they're behaving?"  
  
"Yes, of course. Annie is just wonderful. She's so helpful and so clever. And Kaden hardly ever cries. I do think he misses you. Wait 'til you get home," she said. "He'll throw his arms up and laugh the moment he sees you."  
  
I smiled. "I gotta go," I said. Carter was tugging impatiently at my nightgown. "See you soon."  
  
I hung up and finished my breakfast. "Sounds like everything's going well," I said.  
  
"Yeah, it does. Good thing too. I don't want to be worrying about my kids while I'm on my honeymoon." Carter took the tray and placed it on the floor. "I have more important things to occupy my mind," he said, kissing my neck.  
  
"Is that so?" I asked, lying back on the bed. "Like what?"  
  
"Like how many different places we can find to have sex."  
  
I giggled. "Well, we've done it in the bedroom, the shower, the beach, the kitchen . . .what's left?"  
  
Carter smiled. "What about the Jacuzzi out back?"  
  
I sat up. "There's a Jacuzzi?"  
  
Carter laughed. "Yeah."  
  
I stood up and went outside, Carter in tow. "Why didn't you tell me this before?" I asked, fiddling with the dial. "We're gonna have a lot of fun with this."  
  
Carter came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist as we watched the Jacuzzi fill with water. "I'm gonna go put my suit on," he said.  
  
I stopped him. "There's no need for that," I said, kissing him. He unbuttoned my nightgown and I stepped into the warm water. Again, he followed me.  
  
"You are in serious trouble," I said, sliding over to him. "You have no idea how much I love Jacuzzis."  
  
"I have a feeling I'm about to find out."  
  
Author's note – I think there will be one more chapter. At least one more. We'll see how I feel.  
  
Response to reviews –  
  
Aaron – Thanks.  
  
Hyperpiper91 – Happy endings are good but we haven't gotten there quite yet.  
  
Vkh214 – What happened to your random reviews?!? They went away!  
  
Kayla – Sorry you were sad but I'm glad I could make you feel better.  
  
Higherbeingfriendsfan – Yes, they're FINALLY married.  
  
Fanfictionfanatic – Thanks for the hug. I needed that. : ) 


	45. Interference

After several hours on the plane, we were finally back in Chicago. Despite having flown first class, I was exhausted.  
  
"Wait here," John said. "I'll go get our luggage." I smiled as I watched him march off towards the circular conveyer belt.  
  
"You're married to John Carter, right?" said a voice behind me. I turned around to find myself face to face with a clean-cut red haired man. "I'm Danny. I went to college with John. We were frat bros."  
  
I smiled politely at Danny. "I was at your wedding," he continued. "And I just thought I'd come over and offer my congratulations. You know, for the baby and everything. Despite the fact that it comes a little late." Danny grinned.  
  
"That you," I said. "That's very nice of you."  
  
"Sure thing," Danny said. "I didn't speak to you at the wedding because I didn't think you'd want to talk to me . . .you know, considering."  
  
"Considering what?" I asked.  
  
"Well, you know. . .if it hadn't been for me," Danny said. "John would never have slept with that stripper at his bachelor party. But I guess all is well if you've lasted this long. Congratulations again."  
  
Danny left me standing in the middle of the airport with my mouth hanging open. "You ready to go?" Carter asked, tapping me on the shoulder.  
  
I whirled around. "I thought you weren't going to have a bachelor party," I said, storming past him.  
  
I went outside and hailed a taxi. "What are you talking about?" Carter said when he caught up with me.  
  
I ignored him and climbed into the cab. The driver helped Carter with the luggage while I fought back tears. How could he do this to me? After all the fits he threw about me kissing an ex-boyfriend he goes and has sex with a fucking stripper!  
  
I tried to convince myself that, if Carter had been drunk – extremely drunk – then I could forgive him but I don't think I could. I didn't know what I was going to do. I didn't want to stay married to a lying, cheating, bastard but I wanted our kids to grow up with two parents.  
  
I supposed we could work out a custody arrangement but would a court be willing to give me partial custody of Annie when she wasn't biologically my daughter? Did I want to risk losing her too?  
  
How could I let myself fall for Carter? How could I not have seen what he really was? How could I have been so stupid?  
  
"What's going on?" Carter asked, after climbing in the cab and giving the driver our address.  
  
"I ran into Danny," I said. "He told me all about it."  
  
"Who the hell is Danny?" Carter asked.  
  
"Your friend from college," I said. "Your 'frat bro.' He told me what happened at the bachelor party you said you didn't have."  
  
"Abby," Carter said sternly. "I didn't have a bachelor party."  
  
I stared out the window, refusing to look at Carter. "Danny seems to think you did. Complete with strippers."  
  
"Why are you gonna believe some random guy in the airport over me?" Carter asked. He was getting agitated. "If I did have a bachelor party I would have told you."  
  
"Not if you didn't want me to know you slept with a stripper."  
  
"WHAT!?!" Carter roared. "Abby I NEVER . . ." Carter paused. "Oh my god," he said. "Danny . . . did he have red hair?"  
  
"Yes," I said. "Why?"  
  
Carter let out a sigh. "Oh god," he said. "Oh god, oh god."  
  
Response to reviews –  
  
Vkh214 – Your birthday was horrible!?! No, no! We have to go back in time and do it again. I'm GREAT at birthdays! Really, really, really great! How old are you now?  
  
Aaron – Turns out there will be more chapters than I thought. No worries. I kick their butts? All right!!!!  
  
Jackie – It's not ending quite yet. We still have a couple twists and turns left.  
  
Carbybubbles – We haven't made up yet but I haven't lost hope.  
  
Kayla – Haha, I tricked you! But everything is bad now so you were right to worry. You just worried too early.  
  
Carbylobsterandavrilfan – I thought I needed to have a couple of pure fuzz chapters before I went on to ruin everything again. Bwhahahahah! Just kidding.  
  
Hyperpiper91 – All these wonderful reviews have made me want to keep going.  
  
Amanda – Welcome to my reviewers list! I'm glad you enjoy this fic! That's what it's here for!  
  
Higherbeingfriendsfan – Annie is just the greatest kid, isn't she? I want one of my own! But only if Noah Wyle is the father!  
  
CarbyFan100 – I'm glad you look forward to reading it. Maybe I'll keep it going until I leave for college . . .in August.  
  
Carbyfan – I felt you all deserved some fuzz after what I've put you through.  
  
Connie – Thank you!  
  
ChasingAngel – I'm glad you found it at all! It's always nice to hear that I'm appreciated.  
  
ILuvCarbyFuzz (chapter 21) – Well, he's a guy. Guy's are jerks. Mostly.  
  
ILuvCarbyFuzz (chapter 26) – I love the name Mim! It makes Annie ten times cuter than she already is!  
  
ILuvCarbyFuzz (chapter 29) – Carter and Abby have gone through a lot. And we've gone with them. Yay!  
  
ILuvCarbyFuzz (chapter 41) – Once again, men are stupid.  
  
ILuvCarbyFuzz – The best story ever!?! * blushes * 


	46. Getting Your Facts Straight

I rested my head back on the seat of the taxi and closed my eyes. People should just learn to keep their mouths shut and stay out of other people's business. How was I going to explain this one?  
  
I glanced over at Abby who was still staring intently out the window. "You should have known I'd find out, Carter," she said.  
  
"Well, you went so long without knowing, I assumed I was out of the woods," I said.  
  
Abby turned around in her seat. "What?" she said.  
  
"I can't believe you think I'd cheat on you," I said. "And I can't believe you're taking someone else's word over mine."  
  
"Well, what do you expect me to think?" she said, turning back to the window. "When someone comes up to me and tells me that they're responsible for my husband cheating on me."  
  
"I'd expect you to ask me instead of just assuming the worst," I said. "You know I love you."  
  
Abby snorted. "Sure you do," she said sarcastically.  
  
I turned her towards me. "I did have a bachelor party, complete with strippers," I told her. "And I did sleep with one of them."  
  
I watched tears fill her eyes. "Thank you for not insulting my intelligence," she said, turning away again.  
  
"You didn't let me finish," I said. "This bachelor party took place before I married Jessica. Not you."  
  
Abby looked up at me. "What?" she asked, wiping away a tear. "Are you sure?"  
  
I rolled my eyes. "I'm sure," I said. "I have never ever cheated on you, and I never will." I turned my back to her.  
  
"I'm sorry," she said, softly touching my shoulder. "He congratulated me on the wedding and the baby. I thought he meant Kaden."  
  
"He must have thought you were Jessica," I said coldly.  
  
"I've been called worse," Abby said, trying to joke. I said nothing. "Don't be angry," she said. "I'm sorry."  
  
"I know you are," I said, still not turning around. "It was an honest mistake."  
  
"Then why won't you turn around?" she asked me.  
  
I sighed and turned to face her. "Sorry," I said, taking her hand. "I'm just slightly annoyed that Danny would have the audacity to mention that. And annoyed that you'd believe him."  
  
Abby gently squeezed my hand. "I promise," she said, smiling. "That next time someone tells me you cheated on me, I'll ask you before I jump to conclusions."  
  
I smiled at her. "That's all I ask."  
  
Abby cupped my face in her hands and kissed me. We had pulled up in front of our house. I paid the driver after he helped me with the luggage. "Mim!" Annie cried, bursting out the front door.  
  
She leapt from the top step right into Abby's arms. Maggie came to the doorway with Kaden in her arms. "Welcome home," she called.  
  
Abby hugged Annie tightly and then handed her to me. Annie wrapped her arms tightly around my neck as Abby bounded up the steps to Kaden. He shrieked with laughter as Abby spun him around once and then covered him with kisses.  
  
"Don't ever leave again, Daddy," Annie said. "Never ever!"  
  
I laughed. "Not ever?" I asked.  
  
Annie shook her head. "Not ever."  
  
I looked over at Abby and smiled. She smiled back but there was something in her eyes that made me nervous.  
  
Response to reviews –  
  
Aaron – Genius! Wow. Well, if you say so . . .  
  
Carbyfan – Aw, you should know me well enough by now to know that nothing is ever as it seems. ; )  
  
Vkh214 – Well, I'm glad you and your mom made up.  
  
Hyperpiper91 – 13? That is old. I'll throw you a party too.  
  
Carbytothecore – Yes, it's all very upsetting. Hehe  
  
Kayla – Welcome to my world!  
  
Duckygirl – Danny is who he said he was. Carter's having a memory lapse.  
  
Jackie – See above for your questions about Danny. And yes, this is a twist. We have a turn coming up shortly. Please fasten your seat belts.  
  
Carbylobsterandavrilfan – No party. All's well.  
  
Trish – Obsessed? Really? I've been hoping someone would say that! And I don't update as often as I should but I do my best!  
  
Higherbeingfriendsfan – Again, Danny is who he said he was. Carter was just thrown by Abby's behaviour so he wasn't thinking clearly. 


	47. Desperate Times

I sighed as I walked into our bedroom. Both the kids were asleep and I was just about dead on my feet. "God, I'm so tired," I moaned, crawling into bed.  
  
"Me too," Carter said, putting down the book he'd been reading. He glanced over at me. "You OK?" he asked.  
  
I smiled a fake, tight-lipped smile. "Yep," I said.  
  
Carter gave me a severe look. "Abby," he said. "Come on."  
  
I bit my lower lip. "Well, it's just . . ." I paused. Maybe I was being unreasonable. Maybe I was over reacting. But I had to tell him. "I know you didn't cheat on me but . . .you did cheat on someone. And I just . . .I dunno. It upsets me."  
  
Carter sighed. "That's understandable," he said.  
  
I raised my eyes. "It is?" I hadn't expected him to say that.  
  
"Yeah," he said. "I mean, it was a shitty thing to do and I felt horrible about it forever. I even told Jessica what I did because I felt so guilty." He rolled onto his side so he was facing me. "The weird thing is," he said, smiling slightly. "I felt like I'd betrayed you. I know it sounds strange but I . . .I didn't care about hurting Jessica. You know that first hand. But I was so afraid that cheating on her would make you think less of me."  
  
I nodded, contemplating what he'd said. Then I smiled. "You cheated on Jessica with me," I said.  
  
Carter laughed. "I know," he said. "But that was different. I mean, first of all, we didn't have sex. And second of all, I was in love with you. I AM in love with you." Carter kissed me.  
  
"I wasn't in love with the stripper. Hell, I don't think I even knew her name. That's what made it really horrible." He kissed me again. "And that's why I'll never cheat on you."  
  
I laughed. "What, 'cause you don't wanna feel that horrible again?"  
  
Carter nodded. "That . . .and I'm head over heels in love with you."  
  
I snuggled up against him and took a deep breath. He always smelled so good. He smelt of Aramis and shampoo. "Just promise me one thing," I said, inhaling his scent.  
  
"Anything," he said.  
  
"If I ever catch you with another woman you will let me castrate you."  
  
Carter laughed softly. "Deal," he said, kissing me on the head.  
  


* * *

  
"Multiply GSWs from a school shooting," Chuny said. "ETA five minutes."  
  
Carter and I walked out side to wait for the first ambulance. "I hate these," Carter said.  
  
"Me too," I said. "School shootings scare me. We're gonna send Annie and Kaden to a private school, right?"  
  
Carter laughed. "As you wish." The ambulance pulled up and Carter and I ran to help the paramedics.  
  
"Judy Gale, 28, GSW to the abdomen," one of the paramedics said.  
  
Judy Gale? That name was oddly familiar. I looked down at the woman moaning on the gurney. "Oh my god," I said, grabbing at Carter's arm. "Carter, its Annie's teacher."  
  
Carter's face went white. "Judy," he said. "Judy, where's Annie? Is Annie OK?" Judy didn't answer, she just continued to moan.  
  
Five more ambulances rolled up and out of each came an injured child, none of them Annie.  
  
"Fran," Carter yelled to a paramedic. "How many were injured at the school?"  
  
Fran shook her head. "About twenty," she said. "There are a few more coming to County, the rest are going to Mercy and . . ." before Fran could finish her sentence Carter was running across the ambulance bay. He was in the process of shedding his coat when he ran smack into Romano, knocking him on his ass.  
  
"Where do you think you're going?" Romano yelled from the ground.  
  
"I have to find Annie," Carter said.  
  
Romano shook his head. "No, we're swamped. You're staying right here."  
  
Carter looked at me and I shrugged helplessly. "The faster we get to work on these kids the faster we can find our daughter."  
  
Carter looked sadly at a little girl rolling up to us on a gurney. "I can't," he said weakly. "I have to find her."  
  
I put my hand on Carter's arm and looked at him. "John," I said gently. "This little girl is someone's Annie."  
  
Response to reviews –  
  
Duckygirl – More is on the way!  
  
Kayla – Kaden's fine. Nothing bad ever happens to Kaden. All the bad stuff happens to Annie.  
  
Hyperpiper91 – I can't tell you if you're right or not because I have no idea what you're talking about. What did he say to her? When?  
  
Carbylobsterandavrilfan – Yay! Sweetness!  
  
Jackie – I think I've pretty much done it all now. I could kill off Carter or Abby but I'm not gonna.  
  
Higherbeingfriendsfan – Updates on their way! 


	48. Safe and Sound

Author's note – Once again, I have no medical training so please bear with me.  
  
I'll never know how I made it through that shift. We worked on one little girl and two little boys. One of the boys, who had been shot in the chest, died. When things finally calmed down and our shifts were almost over Abby and I began making phone calls to every hospital in the area.  
  
We finally tracked Annie down at Northwestern and set off to retrieve her.  
  
"We're looking for Annabelle Carter," I told the man at the admin desk.  
  
He glanced over at their bored. "Not here," he grumbled.  
  
"But I called," I said. "They said she was here!"  
  
"Are you looking for one of the kids from the school shooting?" a nurse asked.  
  
"Yeah. Annie Carter."  
  
"She was here," the nurse said. "I took her up to ICU a few minutes ago."  
  
Abby and I ran for the elevator and waited impatiently as it made its slow accent to the ICU. Once there we ran to the nearest desk and asked for our daughter. We were directed to a room where Annie was fast asleep in a bed, gauze wrapped around her left arm, a spot of blood forming between her shoulder and her elbow. There was an IV pumping blood into her veins.  
  
"Oh god," Abby cried, grabbing my arm. "Oh god."  
  
"It's not as bad as it looks," a woman said, entering the room. "I'm Dr. Reeves. Are you Annie's parents?"  
  
I nodded. "What do you mean, it's not as bad as it looks. We're both doctors at County and it looks like she's been shot."  
  
Dr. Reeves nodded and said, "The bullet grazed her upper arm. It's pretty deep and she lost some blood but only just over a pint. She'll be fine. The only reason she's asleep in because she was tired out by all the excitement. She never lost consciousness. You can wake her up if you like."  
  
Abby and I walked over to Annie's bed and I gently stroked her hair. Her eyes fluttered and then opened. "Daddy," she cried, tears springing to her eyes. "Daddy."  
  
I bent down and kissed her head and Abby took hold of her good hand. "Hey butter bean," I said. "How you doing?"  
  
Annie sniffed. "OK," she said. "There was a scary man at school. He hurt people. I hid."  
  
Abby and I sat down in chairs that Dr. Reeves had brought in for us. "Honey," I said. "You have no idea how smart you are. I'm so glad you hid."  
  
"What happened, Annie?" Abby asked.  
  
"I was in the reading corner," Annie said. "I was looking at books and a man came in. He was yelling. I heard a big bang and someone screamed. I climbed on the bottom shelf and put a beanbag on me so he couldn't see me."  
  
We both nodded - completely awed by our small daughter's resourcefulness. We knew the lay out of the room so we could see how it must have played out.  
  
The reading corner wasn't really a corner but an alcove created by two bookshelves placed perpendicular to the wall and parallel to each other. The door to the classroom was situated so that if you stood in the doorway, you couldn't see anyone in the reading corner.  
  
"How did you get shot?" Abby asked.  
  
Annie lowered her eyebrows, trying to remember. "Ms. Judy said to run outside. I didn't wanna but she said to. I ran and ran and I heard more bangs and then he shot my arm. Then somebody picked me up and ran outside. I dunno who 'cause I couldn't see 'cause I was crying. Then a lady put me on a bed and took me in the amblence."  
  
"You are so brave," Abby said. "You must have been so scared."  
  
Annie nodded. "I was scared and there was blood. My arm hurt."  
  
We sat there in silence, just looking at the beautiful, intelligent little girl in front of us. All three of us jumped when Abby's ringing cell phone broke the silence. "It's Hannah," she said, looking at the screen. Hannah was the nanny we'd hired to look after Kaden and Annie.  
  
"Hello?" Abby said, her voice shaking. "Yeah, the shooting was at her school." Pause. "She's fine. A bullet grazed her left arm but she's fine. We might be home a little later than we planned, is that . . .?" Another pause. "Thank you so much Hannah. We'll pay you your usual overtime rate if we're not . . ." I could hear Hannah objecting, telling Abby not to worry about it, that she was happy to stay as long as we needed her, for no extra charge. Abby hung up and looked at me. "Can we go home?" she asked.  
  
I went to find Dr. Reeves. "We were hoping we could take Annie home soon," I said.  
  
She nodded. "As soon as the blood transfusion's finished she's yours to go."  
  
I extended my hand. "Thanks," I said, offering her a smile.  
  
She smiled back and shook my hand. "Not a problem. Kids like Annie make my job worth while."  
  
Abby and I waited while the bag of blood emptied itself into Annie's arm. Annie slept a little, giving Abby and me time to talk. "She's gonna be so screwed up," Abby murmured, gazing at Annie.  
  
"I know," I sighed. "Everything bad that can happen to a child has happened to her and she's only four-years-old. I mean, her mother died, she's been kidnapped, molested, and shot."  
  
"My mommy's not dead," Annie said suddenly. "My mommy's right there." Annie pointed to Abby.  
  
Abby smiled at me. "I think she'll be OK."  
  
Response to reviews –  
  
Fanfictionfanatic – Can I have the cookie now, please?  
  
Higherbeingfriendsfan – You can be sweet and still get hurt. You need to smart. Like Annie. : )  
  
Hyperpiper91 – I agree. Abby rocks.  
  
Duckygirl – I wish the show would follow my lead. See how happy I make everyone? ;   
  
Trish – I know what happens to Romano but I thought that scene would be better with him than with Weaver or someone. Besides, this fic is not based on anything that has actually happened so I'm allowed to fudge. : ) But yeah, England is slightly behind. It's one of the things I miss about America. * sigh *  
  
Kayla – I know! Poor Annie. But she's OK and this is the last bad thing that will happen to her, I promise.  
  
Connie – Well, I think this is best chapter yet, if I do say so myself! 


	49. Art Contest

SIX MONTHS LATER  
  
I opened the front door and stepped into the house. I smiled when I saw my husband playing on the floor with our nine-month-old son. Kaden was laughing and clapping his hands while Carter made silly faces at him. Kaden looked up and me waved. I waved back. "Hey, cutie," I said.  
  
Carter stood up and walked over to me. "Hey," he said, kissing my check. "How was your day?"  
  
I smiled slightly. "Not too bad. I'm glad to be home."  
  
"Mommy!" Annie called from her room. She'd taken to calling me mommy ever since the school shooting. I liked it. Annie came running down the stairs two at a time. "Mommy, guess what?"  
  
"What?" I asked, picking up my daughter.  
  
"My teacher wants to put my painting in a contest!" Annie grinned.  
  
"Really?" I asked. Over the past few months I had noticed some improvement in Annie's art but, since I didn't really know about those things, I didn't give it much thought.  
  
"Really," Annie said.  
  
I turned to Carter who had stood up and put Kaden in his swing. "Yeah, Judy asked if it was OK for Annie to be entered in the school wide Reflections contest. She said Annie's art has to reflect the theme, which, this year is hope. She suggested that we also enrol Annie in an art class."  
  
I kissed Annie. "You wanna do that? You wanna enter the contest?"  
  
Annie nodded. "But I need help. I dunno what to draw."  
  
I put Annie on the floor. "Tell you what," I said. "Go get your crayons and we'll start coming up with some ideas, OK?"  
  
"OK, Mommy."  
  
****************************  
  
"The judges are looking at the paintings now," Judy informed us. Seven other children in Annie's age group had entered the contest. If Annie won at this level she'd be going on to the state competition. I thought her painting was beautiful. She decided to paint a flower opening up, with a white dove flying out of it. Her talent and her determination astounded me. I hadn't expected her to put so much effort into her art. But Carter and I were both thrilled that she'd found something she loved.  
  
We waited anxiously in our seats until a voice came over the loud speaker. "The judges have made their decisions. You may find your paintings."  
  
Carter, Annie, and I went nervously into the hall and over to Annie's painting. Pinned to it was a large blue ribbon with gold letting, which declared, "First Place."  
  
I squealed. "Oh Annie!" I cried. "You won, sweetie!"  
  
Carter picked Annie up and spun her around. "Congratulations!" he said. "I am so proud of you."  
  
I grinned at Annie. "Good job, baby," I said.  
  
"Excuse me, Dr. Carter," a woman with long grey hair said. John and I both turned around. "My name is Joan Archer and I'm a representative for the Weinburg School for the Arts. We're a magnet school for children talented in the areas of art, music, and drama. I wonder, have you enrolled Annie in kindergarten yet?"  
  
I shook my head. "We're looking into private schools," I said.  
  
Joan smiled. "Well, perhaps you will consider Weinburg, then," she said, handing me a brochure. I took at it and opened it up. "We offer fine academic programs as well as the arts, of course. We try to keep class sizes small and we only except children whom we believe to have extraordinary potential. Ms. Gale has shown me many of Annie's paintings and, if you're interested, we would like to set up an interview."  
  
I looked at Carter. "Wow," he said, stunned. "Thank you. Um, Abby and I will have to discuss it first but it sounds wonderful."  
  
Joan nodded. "Here's my card," she said. "Call me if you have an questions."  
  
Response to reviews –  
  
LoopyLu1 – Annie is great, thank you.  
  
Carbyfan – Happiness is here!  
  
Hyperpiper91 – I'm done picking on her. : )  
  
Carbylobsterandavrilfan – Yay Annie!  
  
Amanda – I'm glad you like it so much. However, I must warn you . . .it's ending soon.  
  
Kayla – Annie is OK now and will be OK for the rest of her life.  
  
Duckygirl – I love writing this fic as much as you love reading it. But I think I've pretty much run out of ideas.  
  
Higherbeingfriendsfan – Annie is smart. She got that from Carter, obviously. Not Jessica.  
  
Carbybubbles – I would keep it going but I don't know what else to do! And yes, Abby is officially known as "mommy" now. 


	50. Happily Ever After

EIGHT YEARS LATER  
  
"Mom, we're home!" Annie called. I went downstairs to greet my kids. Annie was sitting at the kitchen table doing homework with her friend Margo, Kaden had helped himself to a popsicle, and Krissy, our three year old, was watching Blue's Clues.  
  
"Hello," I said, kissing my two oldest children on their heads.  
  
Kaden, who was almost nine, pulled away and whined, "Mom!"  
  
I pulled him back and wrapped my arms around him. "Don't push me away," I said. "I'm your mother. I get to kiss you if I want to."  
  
Carter opened the door and Kaden ran to him. "Dad, Mom keeps trying to kiss me and stuff," he said.  
  
Carter laughed. "Consider yourself lucky," he said. "Some mothers don't even like their kids."  
  
Krissy tore herself away from the TV to give her daddy a hug. I looked at my family. Annie still had sandy blond curls and the biggest brown eyes you've ever seen.  
  
Kaden looked like Eric, which was weird. He was skinny and tall for his age, with thick brown hair and hazel eyes. He was going to be very handsome.  
  
Krissy looked like me - brown hair, brown eyes, and olive skin.  
  
Carter went into the kitchen and got a diet coke from the fridge. "Hey, Anna Banana," he said, ruffling Annie's hair.  
  
"Dad, don't" she cried, fixing her hair. Carter rolled his eyes.  
  
Margo looked around. "Hey, Annie?" she said. "Why doesn't anyone else in your family have blond hair?"  
  
Carter and I both looked at Annie, waiting for her response. Annie hadn't mentioned Jessica since the day of the shooting at Annie's pre-school. And Kaden was only vaguely aware of the story.  
  
Annie shrugged. "Dunno," she said.  
  
Margo giggled. "Maybe your parents aren't really your parents. Maybe you were adopted."  
  
"I was adopted," Annie said, plainly. It was true. A year after Carter and I married I officially adopted Annie so that I would have full custody of her if anything ever happened to Carter.  
  
Margo's mouth fell open. "You were?" she asked, stunned.  
  
Annie nodded. "Only by Mom," she said.  
  
"Why would your own mother adopt you?" Margo asked.  
  
"She's not my biological mom," Annie said, her eyes locked on mine. "Dad was married to someone else before Mom. She died when I was really little. I don't remember her."  
  
"Oh," Margo muttered, clearly embarrassed. "Did she have blond hair?"  
  
"Yeah, she did," Carter said, sitting down in the living room. We all followed him.  
  
"What's wrong?" Annie asked. "Do you miss her?"  
  
Carter looked at Annie and then at me. I shrugged my shoulders. I knew he didn't want to lie to her. "No," he said, looking at Annie again. "I wasn't really . . .um, I wasn't in love with your. . .with Jessica. I was in love with your mom. With Abby."  
  
"Why'd you marry her then?" Annie asked.  
  
"Because she told me she was pregnant and she said she'd have an abortion if I didn't."  
  
Krissy tugged on my leg. "What's a bortion?" she asked.  
  
"I'll tell you later," I said.  
  
"Why were you getting Jessica pregnant if you were in love with Mom?" Annie asked.  
  
I sat down next to Carter. "I dumped him and he got engaged to Jessica. Then we realized we'd made a mistake but it was too late," I said.  
  
Annie thought about this for a moment, then looked around the room. "I'm glad everything worked out exactly like it did," she said.  
  
"Me too," I said. "This way we get you, Kaden, and Krissy."  
  
"And I get you," Carter added, putting his arm around me.  
  
************************  
  
"So, she finally knows the truth," I said to Carter as we lay in bed.  
  
"Yeah," he said. "And she seems fine with it."  
  
"I am fine with it," a voice from the doorway said. Annie smiled and then climbed into bed between Carter and me. "Jessica didn't like me. You love me, don't you, Mom?"  
  
I hugged her. "More than you will ever know," I said.  
  
"So it all worked out for the best."  
  
"How did you get to be so smart?" Carter asked.  
  
Annie smiled. "I have really smart parents." She kissed us both and went off to her room.  
  
"We've done a good job," I said, curling up in Carter's arms.  
  
"Yup," he said. "I never expected to have such amazing kids. I mean, one amazing kid is incredible enough but three . . .that's a miracle or something."  
  
If a stranger had overheard our conversation they would think that Carter was just biased. But it was true. Our kids were incredible.  
  
Our eldest, Annabelle Joy, won that art contest when she was four. She won for her school, for the state, and got third in the country for her age group. Her art was still astounding. She'd been picked to represent her school in a special exhibit at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York. Her painting would be on display with others done by kids from around the country.  
  
Kaden Robert was a budding novelist, according to every teacher he'd had since kindergarten. He wrote poetry, short stories, and stories about us . . .whatever inspired him ended up on paper. He had been voted best writer in his second grade class and a few of his stories had been published in the kid's section of the Chicago Sun-Times.  
  
Kristin Grace, while only three, was showing a great talent for the piano, which we discovered by accident. After dinner at John's mother's house, Annie played "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" on Eleanor's grand piano. She had just learned it at school and wanted to show us. After she finished, Krissy climbed up on the piano bench and played the whole thing from memory. So we immediately arranged for her to have daily lessons.  
  
It was definitely fair to say that we were the proud parents of three young prodigies.  
  
"Annie's right," I said suddenly. "I wouldn't want anything to have gone differently," I said. "Everything that's happened has made us appreciate what we have. And what we have needs to be appreciated because we are so, so, so lucky."  
  
Carter kissed me. "You know what the best part is?" he asked.  
  
"What?"  
  
"That despite our own tormented, and pain filled pasts, we still have managed to be happy."  
  
I smiled. "Whoever thought that a drug addict and an alcoholic could raise three extraordinary children?"  
  
"I did," Carter said. "When you found out you were pregnant with Kaden I told you that he could be the president. And, while that's still not out of the question, it's more likely that he's going to write a best- selling novel by the age of twenty-one."  
  
He reached over to his bedside table, opened the drawer, and pulled out our little heart-shaped rock. "Remember this?"  
  
I grinned. "I do."  
  
Carter placed the rock in my hand and closed my fingers around it. "Thank you," he said.  
  
"For what?" I asked.  
  
"For letting me love you. For loving me back. Thank you for my children."  
  
I kissed him. "I love you so much," I whispered. I wrapped my arms around him and held him tight. "I love you so much."  
  
As I lay there in my husband's arms it occurred to me that there was some saying . . .some cliché that applied to us. Right before I drifted off to sleep it occurred to me what it was. 'And they lived happily ever after . . ."  
  
Author's Note – There may be a sequel. Emphasis on the word MAY!!!! We'll see how I feel.  
  
Response to reviews –  
  
Carbylobsterandavrilfan- Yay everyone!  
  
Kayla – Good things are happening for everybody. It's a happy ending!  
  
Duckygirl – I'm ending this fic but may start a sequel if I come up with more ideas.  
  
Higherbeingfriendsfan – Annie kicks ass. I'm gonna miss her.  
  
Carbyfan – Kaden is like both of them I guess. I didn't really develop his character like I did Annie's.  
  
Carbybubbles – Sorry to disappoint you. But if it's any consolation, I'm as sad as you are that it's over.  
  
Hyperpiper91 – Thank you! 


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